4th of july plans

The Fourth of July is coming up. I love the Fourth of July. It’s easily top 5 of my favorite holidays. It’s just always such a fun day. The weather is warm. It’s in the middle of the summer. And I love fireworks, more than anything. They’re so fun and magical and romantic. I want to sit and watch the fireworks while cuddling with a boy. I guess that’s slightly impossible since I’m not dating anyone. The last few 4th of July’s have been fun. My dad had a beach party on the 3rd and we pre-celebrated with bbqs and good times. Then on the 4th we were a little more mellow, and I watched the fireworks with my parents. 4 years ago I was in the hospital, and my parents stayed and watched the fireworks on tv with me, and my sister brought a picnic to my hospital room and we celebrated that way. I love my family. They always come through no matter what and make the best of any situation. They could have left me there on my own, but of course they didn’t. Maybe that’s why I like to spend the 4th with them still. It’s like a thank you for them being there for me then. Plus, we always had a huge party when I was growing up. My grandpa’s birthday was July 3, so we always had these HUGE parties with like several hundred people and fireworks and live bands. It’s always been a fun family event. This year I’m still trying to figure out what to do. My friends down here all seem to be doing their own thing. I think the thing that makes it different for me is that if I don’t have plans, I end up in my apartment alone watching fireworks. If they don’t have plans, they all have contingency plans in their significant others, and won’t end up alone. I need to make plans ahead of time. There are a lot of different options I have to choose from. My sister is going to be down here, so I could go meet up with her and her boyfriend. My brother is going to be crazy partying on the Peninsula, but I don’t really feel like dealing with that madness on my own if my friends aren’t with me. The Comic is going to some house party or something. Some of my friends from high school are having a party in Redondo Beach and they want me to come since I haven’t hung out with them in a while. I think that would be a lot of fun, but I don’t know how many people I’m going to know there, and I get shy around strangers. But, maybe it’s time I put on my big girl pants and go and make new friends. Plus, who knows who will be there or what will happen. I think it’ll be fun. That’s probably what I’ll end up doing. It starts early with a champagne breakfast, and then we’ll spend all day at the beach and whatnot. It will be good times for sure. Or, maybe I’ll end up at my parents place. They’re just going to be low key and watch the fireworks at beach at their place. That is always a fun option. I guess I feel ok since I have options. I won’t end up sitting alone. I texted the Cop to see if he wanted to hang out. It was this time last year that we were talking. I had just met him and then he went home on vacation to Virginia for a few weeks. We talked all day everyday, including on the 4th. I stayed home talking to him and just watched the fireworks with my folks. So, since we’ve been cool, I thought it’d be fun to actually hang out with him this year. But, I haven’t heard back. Who knows if I will. I don’t get him. At. All. He texts me and wants to hang out and we have fun and then he disappears and I don’t hear from him for weeks. It’s weird. I’m guessing that means he’s just not into me. This will be my last attempt trying to hang out with him. If I don’t hear back, then I’m kind of over it. I hope I hear back, and that even if we don’t hang out on the 4th, we eventually hang out at some point. I’m willing to be patient and work around his hectic schedule, but dude. My patience has a point!

Speaking of my patience, I’m super done with TB. We talked the other day (in response to the email I sent him) and I thought we could be friendly and start talking again and see what happens. But, I decided that I just need to cut ties and move on. He has so much to figure out that he needs to deal with on his own. And my talking to him is not going to allow me to move on. I just need to cut ties and not even think about him anymore. And, this time I mean it. I went to the midnight screening of Eclipse last night (SO GOOD!!!) and it’s like, Bella has a werewolf and a vampire fighting over her. I at least deserve a dude to make an effort with me. I’m not asking for supernatural beings to fight for my love. Just a phone call from a dude saying hi. I know that I put in too much effort with dudes, and I shouldn’t have to. I shouldn’t need to. I don’t need to. I need to just sit back and be pursued. I need to stifle my desire to take control of situation and put in effort. I need to channel my inner-1950’s proper girl, and just let the boy take control. Yes, I realize the irony that I’m saying this right after I said that I texted the Cop to see if he wanted to hang out. That’s why I’m done if I don’t hear back. If he wants to hang out, he’ll call me. If not, then it’s not supposed to happen.

And in other news, I just planned a trip to Puerto Rico for August. I’m going with one of my girlfriends from school. I think it’s going to be amazing! We’re going for 7 nights, and staying at this amazing hotel. It’s right on the beach and looks just amazing. And there’s a pool with a bar in it, which I’m excited about using. It’s going to be relaxing and fun and exciting and I can’t wait!! This is the first trip I’ve ever taken without my sister, which is weird. That almost makes me a little sad. But, I’m excited for this trip, and it’ll be cool. It’s not the North Carolina trip I originally planned, but things have a way of working out, and I think Puerto Rico is going to be a wonderful back-up plan.