New Moon

I had a very serious and sad realization this weekend: I am a pedophile*. No, seriously. Let me tell you how I came upon this realization. I went with a couple girlfriends to see New Moon. I already knew that I am seriously addicted to the Twilight series. How do you not love a battle between vampires and werewolves? But, while standing in line, one girlfriend, we'll call her Ms. Adorable, because she's super adorable (obviously) pointed out that Jacob is only 17. And I am in love with Jacob. I was describing why Team Jacob is the way to go. He's loyal and strong and warm and loves Bella indefinitely. And the commercials where he is shirtless... Well! More of those please! It was then that Ms. Adorable told me he was a baby. I even made her pull out her iphone to prove it. Yep. 1992. As It Girl pointed out, that's not event the same DECADE as when I was born! I did the math like 5 times. Every time it came out the same: 17. During the movie, whenever I was drooling over his absolutely amazingly sculpted body, I felt like a pedophile. I hope that that movie doesn't come out on dvd until February, because that's when he turns 18 (thanks wikipedia) and I will no longer be a pedophile.

Ms. Adorable is my friend Mr. Adorable's girlfriend. She is this perfectly adorable girl. That's the only way to describe her. At 29, she has the perfect career and perfect boyfriend, Mr. Adorable. Together, they're The Adorables. No, seriously. She is a dentist. She's incredibly beautiful. And she's probably the nicest, sweetest girl ever. It Girl and I met her when she went with her boyfriend to an event at school. We instantly thought she was the coolest girl and made immediate plans to hang out when New Moon came out. (Her one drawback is that she's on Team Edward. Guess she's not perfect after all!) Mr. Adorable is super cute as well. He's unabashedly in love with her and doesn't care who knows it. He is really smart and very handsome. He's the kind of guy you juts know has a good heart and good soul. They leave each other the sappiest comments on each others facebook pages, but it's not even annoying as with other couples. They're just too darn cute. I'm stoked that they're becoming friends with us, because they're just good people. And I have a rule that I only associate with good people from now on. So, to The Adorables, welcome to the inner circle of Single Girl's friends. You're welcome.


*Disclaimer: There is nothing funny about pedophilia. It's a serious matter. I know this, because I defend the freaky perverts as a living.

Food choices

What is it about dinner dates that is just so awkward? Maybe an easier question would be what isn’t awkward? First it’s like, what restaurant is good to go to? My date tonight took me to a vegan place, even though neither of us are vegans or vegetarians. I think that he was trying to be edgy and cute. I was scared going in, but it turned out to be a really great place. But, that was a risky choice, because what if I’m not down with fake chicken? But what’s a better alternative? Sushi is awkward. You have to stuff giant pieces of food in your mouth while trying to be sexy and witty. Awkward! And, I’m horrible at using chopsticks. I don’t know why I can’t get the hang of them. But, I’m definitely way more adept at using a fork. Forks and sushi don’t go well together. I try to reason that using my fingers to pick up the sushi and shove it in my mouth could work, but I don’t think that’s as cool in reality as it is in my head. It’s just messy in real life. And then there’s the fact that it makes my breath smelly after. It’s hard to lean in close for whispered conversations when your breath smells like fish. And, there’s the chance that small seeds and whatnot will get stuck in my teeth. So, sushi is out. Chinese food falls under the same theory as sushi. Chopsticks, breath, etc. Mexican food is hard, because it makes me gassy. How awkward is it to be bonding over a delicious enchilada and Tecate, when I feel a burp from too many beans. I have really bad acid reflux and it acts up often during Mexican food. But I love Mexican food. Italian can be ok, as long as I’m having penne and not spaghetti. I can imagine talking and not paying attention while winding the spaghetti noodles onto my fork. Before I know it, I’ve wound the entire plate of spaghetti onto one fork. Penne is ok. It fits nicely onto a fork. As long as I don’t play with my food, and use the penne noodle as a whistle or straw, I’d be ok. Burgers are out of the question, because when I eat a burger, it gets all over my face. Plus it usually drips ketchup and mustard. Not sexy on a first date. Maybe getting messy from a burger works for Paris Hilton on a Carls Jr. commercial. But I sadly (and thankfully) am not Paris Hilton. Same thing for sandwiches. But, I mean, who would plan a date over sandwiches anyway? “Hey, wanna meet at 7 for Subway? I’ll buy you an entire footlong!” Maybe not sexy. Or for a first date. Unless it’s like “Le’ts get a sandwich then go down to the harbor and watch the boats go by.” That could be an amazing first date! Or any date. I would not turn that date down. Depending on the guy obviously. I think that any ood you have to use your hands for is off limits, cause it runs the chance that it will end up all over my face or down the front of my shirt and in my lap. There’s also the issue of portion control. It’s hard to eat and talk at the same time, so I eat slow. But then I talk so much that he finishes first. Then I feel weird if I keep eating. Plus, how much is good to eat? I mean, if I clean my plate am I a glutton? If I don’t eat enough am I anorexic? Should I eat half? What if I’m really hungry? Can I take leftovers? Dinner dates are so nerve wracking! That’s why I’ll take a date for drinks or anything else any day.

Tonight’s date was really fun. The vegan place was actually really good, and I’ll probably go back soon! The date was with Curly, who I canceled on last Friday for the Marine. I don’t quite regret canceling on him, but I’m glad he rescheduled. We talked for a couple hours, and only left because the place was closing. He’s leaving tomorrow to go home for Connecticut for Thanksgiving and is gone for a week. He said he wants to hang out when he gets back. I hope he means it. He’s pretty cool. He’s pretty buff, which isn’t normally my type. I prefer skinny guys. But, he was real easy to talk to and open up to, right off the bat. He laughed at my stupid jokes, which encouraged me to make more. That’s his bad! He liked that I used big words, which means I have a week to learn more. I threw out my winners like “vapid”, so I need to come up with some more. We discussed politics and he liked my ideas on healthcare reform. We laughed at his love of techno music and the fact that I can’t listen to classical music without writing stories to go along with it. We discussed California’s reputation as the porn capital of the world. And we bonded over a mutual love of Lady Gaga. Overall, he’s a pretty swell guy. We’ll see what happens when he gets back in a week. Hopefully I’ll have seen the Marine again by then. And, I’m seeing ATC on Thursday. That’s probably a bad idea, but when has that ever stopped me? I’m real excited to see him!! More to come on that at a later point in time.

This just in: as I was about to hit “post” Curly texted saying he had a great time, and that he wants to hang out when I get back. I absolutely LOVE follow up texts! They’re just the cutest thing! Let’s see if he texts while he’s back home. That will get him points for sure!

Double check

I texted Curly yesterday to see if he wanted to reschedule for tomorrow night. He wrote me back today saying that tomorrow works and that we could meet at the restaurant at 7:30pm. I was excited, cause he's super cute and real adorable, so I decided to text the Comic. "I have a date tomorrow with the guy I flaked on last Friday." Send. That's so funny. The Comic will laugh and be stoked for me. I scrolled back two texts, right? Not just one? Of course I did. Maybe I should check my sent messages just in case. HOLY CRAP!! I sent that to Curly!!! So, I quickly type out "I meant to send that to my girlfriend who broke her ankle because I told her that it's her fault if you didn't want to reschedule." (Yes, I told Curly that my girlfriend broke her ankle and I had to go help her out. Well, I mean it's not entirely a lie. The Marine did hurt his ankle, and I did go to hang out with him while he was hurt.) Curly then called me right after he got that text. I apologized profusely and then explained how that was meant to go to my girlfriend. (I hope all these men in my life don't feel feminized by the fact that I keep turning them into chicks in my stories) He thought it was funny and was not at all offended. He said that when he got my text last week he thought it was a blow off, but then figured that the story was so random that it probably wasn't made up. Again, it wasn't all that untrue. I told him that with my luck my car would probably break down after my interview tomorrow in Riverside and I'll be stranded. But, even if I have to take the bus, I will be there. There's no way I will cancel on Curly again. We're meeting at this vegan restaurant, even though neither of us are vegans. I think he's trying to be original, which is cute. So, all in all, he seems like the very understanding and forgiving type, which I dig. And need. I need a very forgiving man, because I am extremely retarded. Apparently. And he seems to have a lot of energy, which is cute. So we'll see how it goes. But no matter what, I've learned to double check the address before I send a text message!!

Date with a Marine

I should never have doubted the United States Marine Corps. I meet one cute Navy guy and I’m ready to turn my back? What kind of fickleness is that? My mother raised me better than that! So, Marine Corps, I’m back claiming you as my favorite military branch and will never forsake you every again! You were always the one for me. I hope you accept my humble apologies. What brings this on? I had a date with a cute Marine. Duh! So, on Thursday morning, there was a cute guy on eharmony who had “government” listed as his occupation. We did the back and forth throughout the day. He responded nearly as quickly as I did, which was a plus. He asked for my number that night and we spent 3 hours on the phone. This guy was hilarious and sweet and sarcastic. He graduated from Texas A&M, so he’s an officer: a Captain, to be exact. Kind of a sexy rank. He wanted to hang out on Friday, but I had plans with Curly. I told him that I was going to LA, so I couldn’t til Saturday. Then on Friday he texted me that he had to go to work on Saturday cause his unit had to see another unit deploy. And, he sprained his ankle really bad that morning. My inner Florence Nightengale kicked in, and I wanted to go take care of him. What is it about someone being hurt that makes me want to take care of them? Like, I want to rush in and save him. Granted, it’s a sprained ankle, but I know it hurt a lot. So, I did what any reasonable person would do and canceled on Curly. I told him that my friend broke her ankle and I had to go take care of her. How is it that I am canceling on the hottest guy I’ve talked to thus far to go meet a Marine I’d been talking to for one day? Apparently Eharmony is turning me into a heartless person. Curly was very understanding and told me to let him know when I could reschedule. Look at me turning down the hot guy for the guy I clicked with in a day. Granted, if he weren’t a Marine, I probably wouldn’t have canceled on Curly. But, that is neither here nor there, because he is one. I told the Captain that I would drive down to him since his ankle was hurt. We went to this really good sushi restaurant. It was awfully convenient that we both liked the same rolls. Apparently this place was his normal hang out, cause everyone who worked there knew him. One of the ladies who worked there stared at me the entire time we were there. I took that as “Oh my gosh! He’s with a girl!” My sister said it was probably cause she was thinking “Wow, this guy brings in a new girl every day!” or “That’s not his girlfriend!” What a supportive family I come from! So, we had dinner and it was good and he was so fun to hang out with! I was real awkward at first. He called me out on that actually. I guess when I would talk, I wouldn’t look at him, and he pointed that out. Who are you, Miss Manners? Shut it dude! We hung out at his place after with his buddy who is staying at his place for a while (another Marine). I don’t think the buddy was expecting a girl to walk through the door, cause he literally stopped talking and looked surprised when I came through. Then again, he could have been thinking exactly what my sister said the waitress was thinking. It’s really hard to tell. We hung out and watched South Park. I love a man who will watch cartoons with me. We then watched a George Carlin routine. It was good times for sure, though I was out way too late, considering I had to be at USC so early on Saturday to watch the Trojans get spanked by Stanford. (Seriously. Stanford. What the heck?!) He texted me early Saturday morning. That was cute. I mean, I love the texts from a guy just to let me know he’s thinking about me. I hope we hang out again. He’s a lot of fun. And, well, he’s a Marine. (I personally relate to that scene in Grease where Marty Marashino is talking about her penpal and she says he's a Marine. And then all the girls exclaim "A Marine!" and then squeal excitedly. Yeah...that's me.) I probably messed up, cause I texted him this morning around 11 to see if he wanted to hang out. He responded that he just woke up and was feeling hung over. And he threw in a “hahaha”. So…I don’t know. I guess it's a good sign he responded? Maybe it's not a good sign he didn't want to hang out? Maybe his sprained ankle, swine flu shot and hangover really made him feel gross? Maybe I need to remember that some people are not as excited as I am and want to hang out all the time. Like the Comic, even if he digs a chick, probably won’t hang out with her more than once a week for a long time. But, he has many dumb rules (like no coffee dates or day dates) which I don’t agree with. What is it with dudes and their rules? Maybe I should stop overanalyzing and overthinking every little thing? I’m going to kick back and not text the Captain again, and see what he does. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but I’m horrible at the beginning of relationships. Like, I guess I shouldn’t have texted him today, but why not? If I want to hang out and had time, why not tell him? But, the new me has vowed that I will be patient and try to play by the rules. Some of the rules. I’ll think about playing by the rules. I’ll think about the rules while I’m breaking them. I think I made progress today. Instead of texting the Captain I went to the gym, cleaned my apartment, bought a coffee maker, and studied for a whole bunch of hours. Maybe not texting boys is what I need to be a clean and healthy straight-A student! Two other dudes from Eharmony called me tonight. A teacher I’ve been talking to, and this Honduran dude. I didn’t answer my phone. I just wasn’t feeling up to it. Maybe I’ll call them back tomorrow. Besides, it seems guys are super interested when you don’t show them interest, and then back-off when you do. So, maybe I’ll call them in 2 weeks and just be like “Oh man, I’ve been so busy. But I have a free 43 minutes tomorrow at 11:20pm. Interested?” And then they’ll be so stoked that I worked them in that they’ll propose at 11:34. I think that would work for Paris Hilton, but not me. I just can’t play games. Can’t do it. But, I can work on not putting my heart on my sleeve, or at being too available. I hope the Captain calls. I’m not holding out for the Captain, but I’m hoping he’ll call. Adopted brother #1 said I need to not go out with cops or marines anymore and meet a computer nerd. I don’t know about that. At this point, I’m just looking for a dude who I’m compatible with, whether he’s a marine or a computer guy, or anything in between. I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want in a relationship. And in doing this, I’ve been thinking about all of the couples in my life and what I can learn from them.

#5: The Newlyweds. They are just an adorable couple; the kind that you know just really enjoys each others company. They do the cutest couple costumes for Halloween. They offer to get the other a glass of wine, or a napkin or whatever when we’re all hanging out. And they’re comfortable doing their own thing and having their own lives. They’re just that couple who are completely in sync with each other, and it’s apparent to everyone. With this couple, you know if it came down to them against the world, they’d take it on, and succeed.

#4: It Couple. They’re the It Couple, so you know I have a lot to learn from them. I think what’s most important about It Couple is that they laugh at each other’s jokes. I mean, even the bad ones. Of course, he will call her out for a bad joke or she’ll call him out, but they still laugh about it. They get each other. Even when there are arguments or disagreements, they manage to laugh after and get over it. These two are on completely opposite ends of the political spectrum, so you know they argue, but they still manage to respect each other and come to a happy middle. Maybe that’s what I’m learning from them: compromise and humor.

#3: The Brits. My best friend and her husband are just the most adorable couple. They’re both so sweet and good-natured. And, even though it was cheesy when I said it in my maid-of-honor speech I still believe it: I know what love is when I see the way he looks at her. You can just see the love spewing from his eyes. (Ok, I guess “spew” isn’t the best word to describe love, but deal with it.) And now they’re having a baby! They are just too darn cute for words!

#2: Sunnbeam and Groucho. Ok, Sunnbeam is my cat and Groucho is my parents cat, but please bear with me. These cats are as in love as any cat couple could be. They’re always together. They cuddle in the sun, and clean each other. She waits til he’s done eating to eat. He kills little critters and brings them to her. I bet in any 24 hour period, they’re only apart for a total of 45 minutes. They’re just enjoy each other’s company that much. Granted, they snap at each other and fight sometimes. But, that only lasts for like a minute, and then they’re back to cleaning each other. Maybe a bath is the key to getting over a fight?

#1: My parents. Of course they’re number 1. Come on. My parents are best friends. They do everything together. They share the same interests. They put up with each other. (Trust me, in my family, we are all so stubborn and crazy that at times, it’s putting up.) They work through all the problems and support each other. They even know each other’s passwords to email, voice mails, etc. Not that I need to know that from my future partner. But, it must be nice to be at that level of honesty and trust.

So, what I’ve learned from this list is that to be in a successful relationship, I need to dress up in costumes while laughing and spewing, then give a bath and share my email password. Thanks happy couples for enlightening me! Be expecting wedding invitations in the mail soon, cause now that I know the secret to being in a happy and successful relationship, I’m ready for my soul mate.

I need an "interest"

It seems that most guys who contact me on Eharmony use the “what is your interest” question. I don’t know if “watching really bad reality television” is something that these guys are looking for. But, being lazy, I don’t know that I have any other interests. Well, my main interest is writing this blog, but I can’t very well write that answer! Originally I was putting “volunteering” and discussing my love of working with various charities. But, that’s kind of boring. And something I haven’t done much of lately. I think that the guy probably isn’t interested in that so much. I mean, I don’t think it’s turned any guy off yet, but it definitely isn’t getting him excited to meet me. He’s probably picturing someone who is more akin to a school marm than I am. Lately I’ve been putting how my interest is hanging out with my friends and making delicious dinners. But, is that really an interest or something I just do? I think I’m going to create some canned answers. Maybe say something random just to see what kind of responses it elicits.

“I’m really into taxidermy. If I shoot the critter myself, it’s an added bonus. There’s nothing like waking up early on a Saturday morning, driving to the desert, and finding a little bunny or squirrel to bring home to place on my mantel. Live pets are nice, but they’re too messy. And you have to feed them and pick up poop. This is the way to go. I’d love it is my partner shared my love of taxidermy. He could skin the animal while I prepare the polyurethane form and glass eyes.”

“An interest of mine is flossing. I love to floss my teeth. I’m very big on dental hygiene. I would love it if my partner shared my love of floss. We could have floss-offs in the mornings, racing to see who could floss all of their teeth faster. And having someone to floss with would legitimize my need to buy floss in bulk at Costco.”

“My favorite thing to do is origami. My apartment is full of origami. Literally. You can barely walk through all of the origami. My record is 673 cranes in one day. I’m looking for a partner who can help motivate me to be the best origamier, crane-maker in the world! Nimble hands on a man is a plus, but not a requirement.”

“I like knives.” (I think this one is best left as is. No need for explanation.)

“I spend a lot of time with my ant farm. I’ve named all 1,459 of them. Each one is completely different and has a personality, which is weird, cause they’re ants! Not persons! But, I swear they do. I’d love a partner who wants to learn about all of them.”

“My favorite thing to do is write letters to men in prison. They need attention too!”

“My interest is babies. I love babies. I want babies. Babies, babies, babies. Oh, and I’m really interested in weddings. I love wedding shows. I love wedding chapels. I already have my wedding dress picked out, so I just need the man who matches it. You look cute in your picture. You may match pretty well. And then babies!!”

Ok, I guess I’ll stick with my interest of hanging out with my friends and cooking dinner.

Date 1 with Air Marshall

The date with the Air Marshall was amazing! He called me Sunday morning at 11:04. I was going to make a punctuality joke (he said he’d call me at 11) but decided to restrain myself. We decided to meet at this place right up the street in half an hour. It was a good thing that I had already straightened my hair. I didn’t want to seem all high maintenance when he called “Um, I need like an hour. Ok?” Instead it was like “Oh yeah, I’m ready to go”. And then when I show up, he thinks I just always look like my hair is silky straight and my eye lashes are miles long. It’s natural. I roll out of bed looking like that. Yep. Ok, so for this date, I decided to dress up a little. I threw on my trusty knee high boots and a jean skirt and this argyle sweater. What can I say- I love argyle! I got there, and he was waiting inside. He was super cute! He was dressed well: jeans and a button down shirt. The jeans were trendy jeans, which normally I don’t like. But he was hot, so I let it go. We got a table by the window which looked onto the bay. Normally, I would think that was such a romantic thing. But, there was so much activity outside that I was constantly distracted. Like, there was a girl washing her boat right in front of us. How is that NOT distracting?? We had bloody Mary’s and fish tacos. It was so good. I warned him that I was a messy eater. I tried my hardest to not get food all over my face. I think I succeeded pretty well. He seemed almost as nervous as I was, which is weird, cause he was the hot one. I tried to keep my dumb jokes to a minimum. But that’s hard. I tried to not ogle his really thick and muscular arms, but that was hard to. Especially cause he kept stretching them! I think he did it on purpose so I would stare. Oh, and is that a tattoo I see on your arm? Ok. Nice! So, he paid for the lunch and when he grabbed his money clip, he dropped a bunch of cards and stuff on the ground. I hopped up to help him pick some up. I felt bad for the guy. He was kind of embarrassed. I’d rather it was him drop things than me though. On this date, I did not suggest that he hit on the waitress. I claimed him as mine early on. I’m sorry, but a Navy guy turned Federal Air Marshall?? Sexy! He was almost a Navy Seal, but failed out after about 6 months into the training. He’s tough. So, after lunch, we walk out and he seemed nervous again. I gave him a hug as the cars came up. I handed the valet kid a wad of ones. I don’t even know how many were in there. I don’t even know if there was a larger bill lurking in there. Maybe I made some valet’s day. I don’t even know. I was too nervous and elated to be bothered with counting money. It’s nerve-wracking to come off as fun and carefree and non-nervous! So, afterward he texted me that he had a good time. We had a couple texts between us. It was cute. There was no talk of a second date yet. I’m hoping to hear from him. I’ll actually be a little bummed if I don’t. Did I mention how cute he was? He had this gorgeous smile that lit up his eyes. I wonder if he’s too cute for me? I did realize one thing though: maybe I’ve been blinded by my pro-Marine lifestyle. Maybe Navy’s the way to go, and I just never realized it? I mean, I’ve known some great Marines in my life. But I think it’s time I expand my horizons and open my mind to other military branches.

That leads me to Lance Armstrong. So Lance and I are now friends on gchat, and on facebook. We reached that level today. We chatted for a while during the day. His facebook picture is hilarious! It’s this random guy with a violin. So funny! I really enjoy talking to him. I think he’s super goofy and super adorable. We even talked about a bet that we’re going to have someday and what will happen when he loses (he has to eat a pepperoni pizza with peanut butter on it, cause that just sounds so disgusting!). But, he still has not brought up hanging out. I get shy guys, but come on! You obviously like me on some level and enjoy talking to me. So what’s the hang up? I’m trying to be patient. But, with all these more aggressive guys actually manning up… I hope Lance grows the cajones soon. Though, I think in a way, he’s doing it right. I’m really liking him the more I talk to him. So maybe this is a brilliant ploy on his part. He's going to hook me in, because by the time we meet, I won't want to stop talking to him, and will have to date him. Very well played sir. Very well played.

And in keeping with the theme of betting, I emailed and texted this cute cop today. I wasn’t sure about him at first. In his pictures, he looks real cute in his uniform (but, I think 78% of cops look cute in their uniforms) but he was a horrible dresser is his normal clothes. To be fair, as It Girl pointed out, all the other pictures looked like they were from one trip. Maybe he just had bad clothes on that trip. Or maybe he lost a dare and had to dress geeky. Or maybe he just needs a girlfriend to help him out. I’m pretty style challenged myself, so I don’t know that I’m up for that challenge. Then again, I couldn’t make him look worse. (ooooh….mean!) He texted me tonight and we were joking around about paying attention during class. He said he would test me later on what I was learning. He said that he’d hate to fail me, but that he could be bribed with a drink. I said that wasn’t very good incentive to pass, and what would I get if I passed. He said I could have whatever I wanted. Now, at this point in the text conversation, I felt like we were at a fork in the road. It could either get real flirty, or I could regain the power. I’ve watched enough late night tv to know which direction he wanted it to go in. That being said, I knew what I had to do. So in reply, I said “If I win…I want a monkey. You said I could have anything.” He responded that he didn’t know how easy that would be to get. I told him to start checking on ebay and craigslist. Possibly call Michael Jackson’s estate. And if worst comes to worst, he could draw me a picture of a monkey. I never said it had to be a live monkey. I like seeing if these guys get my randomness. I’m pretty random at times. Most of the time. A guy has to get that and be able to hang. We’ll see about hanging out. He seems pretty cool. And he has a Master’s degree in Criminal Justice. And he used to be a personal trainer. All he had to say was he has military experience and is a USC fan, and I think he’d be my dream man. Aside from the crappy dresser part. I’m kind of excited about all these potentials!

Bike racers, Marshalls, and Cops. Oh My!

Oh my gosh. So. Eharmony is kind of awesome. It’s just really fun to meet people; to talk to people who I never would have otherwise. Like, with Lance Armstrong. I don’t know if I would have talked to him if it hadn’t been for this website. And now, I really look forward to talking to him, because he’s so clever and witty. I appreciate people with a sense of humor that keeps me on my toes and makes me think. Lance Armstrong called me during the week and we talked for a while. Then he called me yesterday and we had a conversation for about an hour or so. Today he texted me during the USC game (he was watching the Nebraska game at the same time). He was actually out at a bar texting me during the game, which is cute. Then he called me after and we spoke for about 40 minutes. He’s really fun to talk to. He hasn’t brought up meeting yet. But, I think he’s kind of shy and stuff. I like this whole “taking it slow” thing. And, I like talking to him so much, that I’m good putting off meeting him, in case we don’t hit it off in person. I’d hate to lose this dude I like talking to because I’m superficial. But, hopefully we meet soon. I think it’d be really fun to hang out with him. Tomorrow he’s going on a 50 mile bike ride. For fun. 50 miles. Fun. Um…yeah. I told him he makes me feel lazy. I don’t know if he was hinting around to see if I’m busy tomorrow, cause he brought up my plans a couple times. I told him I’m studying all day and then having family dinner at It Couple’s house. She’s making meat loaf. I will not miss meat loaf night. Not even for a date! I have priorities people! Meat in loaf form comes high on list of said priorities. Plus, I already have a date tomorrow.

So, today I got a call from Air Marshall. He was on a lay-over in Seattle. Well, not a lay-over, but a turn-around. I guess he took one flight up to Seattle and then waited for a couple hours for a different flight back down to LA. (What a cool job he has!) So he called me in between flights. We made about a minute and half of small talk before he asked when I wanted to hang out. I said any day but Monday works for me, since I am at school til 9:30m on Mondays. He then said “Ok, then how about Monday we grab dinner or lunch?” Um… I told him (again) that Monday was the one day that didn’t work but that I was free for lunch tomorrow. He was excited for that, and said he’d call me tomorrow around 11am to plan where we’d go. I said that sounded great. He asked if his number showed up on caller id for me to have. I said it did. (It’s funny how sometimes you can just tell that a guy was in the military. He’s very matter-of-fact and take charge. I like that. I then told him to have a good flight home. He said “you too”. And then he laughed and mumbled something kind of embarrassed. And I said “If I happen to find myself on a flight tonight, I will indeed have a good one!” He laughed. It was cute that he was more nervous than I was! He’s kind of adorably sweet. I’m really excited for lunch tomorrow. I need to start deciding what it is that one wears to a lunch date on a Sunday with a military man who is now a Federal Air Marshall. I also wonder if he carries a gun off duty, like a cop does? I think that’s why I like cops- there’s something about a guy having a gun on him at all times that is pretty cool. (Should I clarify that and say that the guy is lawfully carrying a gun on him? I am not so into gangsters.) Well, either way, tomorrow should be interesting. And, if he’s not so great in real life, I have plans in the afternoon which provide a lovely “out.” And if he’s awesome, maybe I’ll invite him over for meat loaf.

I have another date later in the week. The really, really cute curly haired guy emailed me this morning (well, 1:37am- did he drunk email me? Did I get drunk eharmonied??). He apologized for not writing me in the past week, and said that he had family and out-of-town guests staying with him. I’m assuming that’s code for dates with other girls, but to each their own. He said that he was leaving for Cincinnati for a few days, but that he’d like to meet up when he gets back in town. If I felt comfortable with that. Um, have you seen how cute you are and your adorable curly hair? Yeah, I feel comfortable! He’s also so close to his family, which is a few points on the positive side. I’m excited to meet him. I don’t know why he wants to meet me though. I’m such a nerd! In his email to me, he asked if I wanted to meet “for a quick dinner” and I responded by saying “I’d love to meet for a quick dinner. Were you thinking quick like McDonalds or like a hot dog eating contest with Kobayashi (yes, I know Mark Chestnutt is the champ now, but he doesn’t quite have the name recognition). I’m down for either.” Um…wow… Why do I write things without thinking? Is it possible to have diarrhea of the keyboard? Maybe I should write things, walk away for 2 hours, and then hit send. Or delete. But, this guy seems to find me funny, so why edit myself now, I guess. He’d find out how nerdy I am sooner or later. Might as well be sooner. I’m hoping he still wants to hang out after that email. We’ll see.

I’ve been talking to this cute cop from La Palma. I have no idea where that is. And, I think I’m a LAPD snob. It’s like “Oh, you’re not LAPD? Can you really even call yourself a cop then?” Ok, not really. I think being a peace officer s a noble and intense job no matter where you are. There’s another cop I’m talking to who lives in Chino. I don’t know which department he’s with. I just know that he may be the hottest cop I’ve ever seen in my life. His name is Hot Cop. If there were a Skin-amax movie made whose plot involved a cop, the part would be based on Hot Cop. I’m hoping to meet both of the cops in the near future. Maybe one of them will take me to a shooting range. The Cop (the original cop I hung out with over the summer) was supposed to take me, but we never went. I was really hoping we would, but that didn’t pan out. The Detective and I were talking about going, but I haven’t seen her in a long time. She said she would take me when The Cop and I stopped talking. I think she just wanted me to stop whining about him. I whined about him a bit. Not nearly as much as I whined about ATC, but I whined nonetheless. But, maybe one of these new cops will be cool and take me!

Hope to have some big stories for ye ol’ blog this week!

Apologies

Apologies are nice. I tend to apologize for everything. “I ate your last cookie. I’m sorry.” “Your puppy died? I’m sorry.” “You cheated on me and broke my heart? I’m sorry.” Even if I have no reason to apologize, I still do. It’s like something that just comes naturally. It’s not that I’ve done anything wrong, necessarily. It’s more like I’m sorry for the situation. I’m a Libra. I like everything to be in balance. If it’s not, I apologize for the imbalance. I got a real apology from MDA on Sunday. I wasn’t expecting it. The way we left it in August was me sending him a text telling him to never call me again. Then I promptly deleted him from Facebook and erased his number. It wasn’t bitterness that led to the deletion. It was my needing to move on, and I couldn’t do that if I was constantly seeing pictures of him and his girlfriend. Seeing him, or being able to see his page, would just keep me thinking about him. And if I’m still thinking about him, how can I truly open myself up to meeting a new guy. And if I’m able to see him, then I’m going to keep thinking about how incredibly good looking he was, and think that I probably won’t be meeting someone as good looking as him again. I’m trying to lead a less superficial life. Looks fade. Personality is forever. Good looks are the icing on the cake. But it’s all about real substance. But, hot damn, it sure is hard to break up with someone who is so handsome! But I did, and I deleted, and I’m good. Sunday morning, I’m trying to outline for one of my classes when up pops an instant message from MDA. I guess I’d forgotten to block him online. Maybe I intentionally forgot. My heart kind of stopped for a second when his name popped up. It’s funny, cause I’d just been thinking about him when I was thinking about Halloween last year. I was a little scared to read the message. I was wondering if maybe he’d found out about my blog and his name on here (which, I may need to change now). I’d wondered what else I could have done wrong which he was contacting me over. (See, I instantly go into apology mode) But, it was actually HIM apologizing to ME! He said that he wanted to apologize for treating me so crappily and that he regretted that. I mean, yeah it’s been a while, and I’m pretty much over it (obviously) but that was really nice to hear. I guess he and the girl he left me for broke up. You mean the slutty bar tender whom you knew was cheating on you and only liked you because you are a party guy and like to drink ended things? Shocker! I do feel bad for him. Break-ups are hard, even if they’re with slutty bar tenders. And they lived together apparently. So that makes it tough too. Having to split up stuff and pack and be angry while the other person is right there. I’ve never actually lived with a dude, so I don’t know. But, in the movies it looks tough. I saw The Break-Up with Jennifer Anniston. That was hard. (The break-up. Not the movie. The movie wasn’t so hard.) But, we had a nice conversation. He is a good guy, and I know he has a good heart, so I don’t like seeing him bummed out. I gave him a pep talk, which is exactly how it used to be once upon a time. He’d be bummed out, I’d give him a pep talk. Maybe sometimes you just can’t change the dynamics of a relationship. I told him that I’d be there if he needed to talk. Don’t think I can hang out with him though. A) I’m still attracted to him. B) There’d be a line of people waiting to punch me in the throat. That guy broke me, and I think anyone who cares about me would never let me even think about hanging out with him again. There’s no way I could go through that again. And I don’t know if I could be his friend who hangs out and stuff because I am still attracted to him. Phone and/or instant message relationship is safe. I can’t hug him through the computer. I definitely would never try to date him again. I don't think I'd date any ex ever again. They're exes for a reason. Actually, that's not true. If ATC called me today, I'd take him back and work things out without a second thought. (Why do I feel like I'm going to get kicked by It Girl when she reads this??) I'd probably get in my car right now and go see him. Maybe bring him a pie too. (Ok..that's a bit of a stretch. No pie. That just seems desperate.) But, the point of this all is: in terms of the apologies I’ve ever received in my life, this one from MDA definitely goes top 5. I'll reserve the first spot for ATC, but only because that one would end with us running towards each other in slow motion, and there's a marriage involved. I'm just saying.

Playa

Today was study day. The It Couple and I outlined for a class. We had hoped to get through 200 pages in 2 hours. We got through 73. But, that’s 73 more than we had earlier. So, it’s all good. I’m sure we’ll get ‘er done. Then It Boy left and Personal Trainer came over. I cooked dinner for them. Yes, you read correctly. I cooked dinner. It turned out deliciously too! Whole wheat pasta with vodka sauce, garlic bread and salad. Can you say gourmet?? Granted, none of it was homemade. I mean, if it were It Girl’s house, she’d have made the sauce from scratch. Probably grew her own tomatoes and made her own pasta too. But, store bought is fine with me. I think it turned out well. We worked out earlier with the Personal Trainer doing some cardio. He came back over after his other sessions. He’s pretty chill to hang out with. I like him sometimes, but I don’t know if I feel the spark. Though, according to He’s Just Not That Into You, the spark is something women create because they like drama. I like drama as much as the next girl, but I think the spark is real. Sometimes you just feel the spark, and there is no drama. Drama is what kills the spark. Thinking back on my past few dudes, it was drama that killed the spark for sure. Most of my past relationships, including relationships. I’ve ended a few friendships because the girl and/or guy was too drama. No more drama in my life. Check please. So, tonight while we were all hanging out, I got a call from Lance Armstrong. I couldn’t answer obviously. I just texted him after Personal Trainer left and told him I didn’t know if 10 is too late to call, but that he could call me back whenever. Some people go to bed by 10, so I didn’t want to be rude. Though, how a text is better than a call if it is too late, I’m not sure. Maybe his ringer is quieter for texts? Maybe I should have just called. Oh well. Also, this new dude who’s been emailing me emailed me. We’ll call him Marshall, as he’s a Federal Air Marshall. How hot is that?? And why am I all of a sudden attracted to men who have something to do with airplanes? First an Air Traffic Controller. Now a Federal Air Marshall? But seriously. How HOT is that?? He was in the Navy for 10 years. That’s pretty hot too. And, he got my random jokes on eharmony. In the “tell something else about yourself” (or whatever it is) part, I wrote “I love lamp.” So, his first email to me said “I just recently moved to the OC from San Diego, which in case you didn’t know is German for whale’s vagina.” I’m stoked that he got my quote! A few guys had to ask what it was from. That’s my hint that I will not be connecting with them. I responded to that saying “Wow. I thought that the translation had been lost to scientists hundreds of years ago.” And, as It Girl thinks, a guy who uses the “v” word in a first email is a keeper. I had to ask her if it’s weird that we think that way, cause most girls would probably be offended. I guess I’m just that classy. I think that if a guy doesn’t have the sense of humor of a 12 year old, and doesn’t have his mind in the gutter will not get along with me and my friends. But, it’s funny that while I’m with Personal Trainer, all these other dudes were contacting me. Is this what it feels like to be popular? I mean, I didn’t want to say anything, but, I’m kind of a hot commodity. A real big deal. Ok, I’m kidding. I only played one for Halloween. Sometimes I actually wonder why people think I’m funny, or respond to me at all. In the email, I also referred to the fact that under occupation he said “Government”. I said “Your profile says your occupation is "government". Are you the entire government, cause that sounds pretty hectic and full of paperwork. However, if you are the whole government, I've been meaning to talk to you about potholes on the streets.” Yeah, that’s one of those things that I probably should have actually thought about before I hit the send button. But, he still responded. So, maybe he does really get me afterall. We’ll see. He’s in New York right now cause he is, you know, marshalling. (Points for emailing me while in New York.) He said he’d be back tomorrow. I’m kind of interested to see what happens. Did I mention how incredibly hot he is? I bet stewardesses through themselves at him. Not good, cause I’m kind of a jealous person. I say I’ll work on that, but I probably won’t. How do you work on that anyway? Are there like word problems I can do? Is there a workbook? I mean, when I had to work on learning Spanish, I had a workbook and practice problems. Match the word with the picture. The word “mesa” gets matched with the picture of the table. Done. Does the phrase “jealous b*tch” get matched with a picture of me, and I’ve learned? One time last year this really annoying 1L was all over Manic Depressive Alcoholic (MDA) at this school Tiki Cruise. I let it go most of the night. I figured he wasn’t reacting to her, and was actually really, really annoyed by her, so I’d let him handle it. But, at the end, I’d just had it. So when she grabbed the hat off his head, I got pissed. I took it back, in a fairly aggressive way. Then, when we were walking away, she grabbed his ass. Uh oh. I turned around “I’ll punch you slutty 1L!” Like, I literally had to be restrained. MDA had to hold me back. My girlfriends had to hold me back. People had to get me to walk away. I’ve never been in a fight, but I could have easily kicked that chick’s ass. MDA thought it was kind of funny that I went crazy. We ended up fighting about something else that night, but it wasn’t even over the fact that I threatened to beat up some lame chick. Again, I’m extremely classy. I think it’s kind of hilarious in retrospect. But man, this can now be admitted to a court of law as a hearsay exception: statement against self-interest. Hopefully the statute of limitations for attempted assault has run out! Point is: maybe I need to a) control my jealous tendencies; b) …. I don’t know if there is a b. This may be a 1 moral-of-the-story story. Well, here’s to hoping that something happens with the Marshall that can even lead to my being jealous of him and other chicks.

Reflections on Halloween

Last year at this time, I was waking up after a fun night of being the cast of Alice in Wonderland with my girlfriends. I was the Mad Hatter. It was really fun being a group with my girlfriends. We had planned to watch the movie to really get into the role, but we never did. (Sidenote: I can’t wait for Johnny Depp to play the Mad Hatter in the new remake!) We went to a pre-party then went to Woody’s Wharf down on the Peninsula. It was packed with girls in slutty ____ costumes. Is it sad that when I see a girl in a costume that’s not slutty, I praise her in my mind for being strong enough to do her own thing? Why is it the accepted norm that girls dress slutty on Halloween? I wonder if you go to a Nunnery if the nuns are running around as slutty nurses and firefighters? “It’s Halloween! Our husband, God, likes nurses and firefighters.” (Oh man…did I just cross the line??) I guess it’d work this year, since Halloween is followed by Sunday mass this year. You can just wake up and repent. That’s the greatest thing about being Catholic. “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. Last night I was a slutty vampire and I sank my teeth into this guy. Oops.” “It’s ok, my child. Say 2 Hail Marys and an Our Father, and return to the flock.” I’m glad that Catholics are so forgiving. Unless you’re gay. Then there’s no forgiveness. You killed 5 people? It’s ok, we’ll take you back if you say you’re sorry. You’re a dude who likes other dudes? You’re out. But back to last year. So last year it was on a Friday, and I had a great time with my friends. People seem to think that Manic Depressive Alcoholic and I got into a fight, but I think it was actually the one time when we went out and he wasn’t a d-bag and we didn’t fight. We left early cause there was an early USC game the next day. But, I don’t seem to remember fighting. But, who knows. We fought a lot. (He didn’t seem to think it was a problem to ignore me and hit on other chicks when we were out. I seemed to think it was. It just came down to a difference of ideologies, I guess.) The next morning we got up early to cruise up to USC. Before we left the beach house, we saw a chick doing the walk of shame. Why is the walk of shame so much worse the day after Halloween? This chick was dressed as a slutty sailor. That’s not as cute the next morning. She was walking down the beach, from a row of houses toward a parking lot up the beach. Now, maybe she was just going to a costume party the day after Halloween at 7am. But, I’m thinking not. And I’m guessing it wasn’t a good Halloween hook-up, since she was leaving, by herself, at 7am the next morning. And the guy couldn’t even give her a t-shirt to wear over her slutty sailor costume. I hope slutty sailor had a better Halloween this year!