girl's night and drunk texts

Is there anything better than girl's night with your friends? Last night It Girl and Mrs. Newlywed came over to my place. We got a pizza and decided to open a bottle of wine while watching the Hangover. Well, 3 hours 3 bottles of wine and 1 bottle of champagne later, I was hurting. We ended up talking more than watching the movie. It’s so fun to just have a few drinks and chat with friends. There’s something very relaxing, fun, and exciting about it. We chatted about my inability to have a relationship, and about my interest in the (hopefully only momentarily) unattainable Marine. We talked about the going-ons in their own lives too. It was just a fun therapy session. I got hammered though, so I probably couldn’t repeat a lot of what I said if I wanted to. I know that I was texting back and forth with ATC for a bit. We’ve been talking a lot lately. He wants to hang out soon, but I told him I can’t hang out until after the Marine deploys. I suppose I could have hung out while the Marine was in Dallas. But, you’d better believe that I’m not making plans with anyone else during his last couple of days while he’s here. I drunk texted him last night too. I’m a horrible drunk texter. It’s one of my bad habits. But, I felt the need to talk to him, so I texted. It was just a “Hey! This is officially a drunk dial! Hope you’re having a great night too!!” He didn’t respond, so I tried not to read into that. He was probably out with his friends or something. It’s ok. I didn’t mind the non-response, as long as he wasn’t mad that I texted in the first place. (Why am I SOOOO horrible at giving someone space??) Besides, I had my flirty back and forth with ATC going on to distract me. Well, then around 10, I got sick. I ended up lying on the floor by the toilet for a couple hours. (EW!) Apparently I texted him again that I was sick. I actually don’t remember doing that. But, the phone log indicated that I did. Apparently I thought that would make me feel better. Maybe it did. I really couldn’t tell you at this point. Well, I eventually made it to my bed and passed out. At 1:30am I got a text from the Marine. “Are you ok??” Picture me lying in bed on my back in my clothes, holding my teddy bear and now grinning from ear to ear that he wrote to me. And yes, I’m still wasted. So I wrote back that I probably drank enough for all of 2010, but that I was ok. He responded that he’d gone to bed early and woke up and saw my texts. And that he was going back to bed and to not do anything he wouldn’t do. (That doesn’t place many restrictions, cause he’s kind of crazy) So I responded that I was already tucked safely in bed and that I was just going to sleep. I think it’s so cute he responded and was worried about me. Only 2 more nights and then he’s back in California. I can’t wait to see him! No more drunk texts though. I’ve decided I’m not going to text him happy New Year tonight. Unless he writes to me first. The old me would have texted him at 10pm (Dallas’s new years). But, that just seems crazy and way too thoughtful. At this point anyway. Maybe if we’d been dating for longer or something. I just need to wait it out, and I’ll tell him happy New Year when I see him in a couple days or when I talk to him if he calls tomorrow about whether or not I’m going to pick him and his mom up from the airport. I can’t wait to see him!!! Have I said that yet?

A couple more days

My hair stylist told me that I have horrible taste in men. Yesterday I went in to get my hair cut. I filled her in on the last couple of months of dating: took her through ATC and all the first dates, and ended with the Marine. I could see how she would think that I have bad taste in men from that. Ok, I could see how anyone would think that from most of my past relationships. She suggested I look into an arranged marriage. To be fair, she thought the Marine sounded pretty great, but that the timing sucked. So maybe it’s not bad taste in men, but that I like unavailable men. I would probably agree with that. It’s not something I try for. Just seems that those are the guys I attract. With the Marine, it’s just timing. He said that himself a few times. I’m trying so hard to not think about what he’s doing while he’s gone. In my mind, he’s hooking up with like every girl he sees and loving all them more than he loves me. (Not that he loves me. But you understand what I’m saying) I’m trying so hard to stop that. Tomorrow night will be sad, cause I’m going to picture him kissing some really beautiful girl at midnight. I really hope that’s not what happens. I mean, if it happens it happens. There’s nothing I can do about it. But, I really hope it doesn’t. That’s why I’m going to try to not even think about it. I’m the one who made the decision to not see anyone else til he leaves. I’m sure I could go out with other people if I wanted. I’m currently putting a couple guys on hold on eharmony. (One guy has the same first name as the Marine, which just seems weird right now.) They’ve asked me out, but I’m delaying for the next week or so. It’s my decision. I can’t be bummed if the Marine isn’t doing the same. I’ve promised myself I won’t ask him about that when I see him. I can’t wait to see him! Only a few more days. It sucks, cause I want time to fly by and him to be home. But, then the sooner he’s home, the sooner he deploys. So, I hope time doesn’t go too fast. Even if he’s putting me on hold while he’s in Texas, at least I know he’s safe. I’d rather have him in the US and ignoring me than in Afghanistan. Well, and ignoring me. I’m also trying to not be passive aggressive “Well, if you had so many people occupying your time in Texas, then maybe THEY can write you letters while you’re gone!” That won’t do any good. I’m trying so hard to put this whole situation in context. It’s hard. I’m not sure if I’m picking him up from the airport. His mom is flying in with him. So, either I’ll pick them both up or I guess she’ll rent a car. He said he’d figure it out and get back to me. Of course I couldn’t help picture that he’s really coming home with some girl he’s met in Dallas. And then I go to surprise him at his house and she’s there. And I’m like “Wow..your mom sure is young!” How crazy would that be? I mean, that would never happen, cause I think the random stop-by is pretty crazy. Even for me. It’s never a good idea. In the beginning anyway. Maybe after you’ve been dating for a while, it’d be ok. But, that’s tough. I would never mind if a guy did a random stop-by at my house. Like if the Marine showed up on my doorstep, that’d be awesome. Well, and weird cause he doesn’t know where I live. So, then I’d have to wonder why he’s a stalker. But, I’d still be stoked either way. “Awwww, you care enough to stalk me?? That’s so sweet!” In the texts yesterday, it sounds like I’ll still see him, despite his mom being here. (I was worried he won’t want me to hang out, cause he won’t want me to meet him mom, cause that’s too serious or something dumb like that) So, I’m guessing it’s not some random girl. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see. I’m horrible at the wait and see game. But, I have to do it. And I’ve been doing it for almost 2 weeks, so I’m getting pretty good. And, it’s only a couple more days now. YAY!!! Imagine how stoked I’m going to be in May when he’s almost home. I won’t be able to stand it! I mean, even if I’m dating someone else, I’ll be happy that he’s coming home, because it’ll mean he’s safe. Whether or not we’re hanging out, I just want him to be safe! I’m not even concerned with my own feelings or wishes or desires at this point. I just want him to be safe and happy. And the sad thing is: I actually mean that. I know that no matter what I’ll be ok- whether it’s dating him, or someone else; whether he hurts my feelings or not. I’ll be ok. I’m not in mortal danger. He has bigger things to worry about. It’s like, the biggest thing on my mind right now is him and maybe classes. The biggest thing on his mind is that people will be shooting at him, and worse. So, he wins. His feelings are instantly more important. Man…my stylist was right…I like unattainable men! Though, in my defense, 5 months of him being gone isn’t necessarily unattainable. It’s more of an obstacle; a challenge. And, I wouldn’t be an aspiring lawyer if I didn’t like challenges.

Rainy days

So I go to the grocery store this morning to pick up a few things. I was on my way home from LA, where I was dog sitting with my sister. I had just planned on going from her house to my own when I decided I would stop by the store real quick. I was wearing some warm-up pants and a USC hoodie. I ran in and grabbed a loaf of French bread and a bottle of wine. I felt all fancy picking up such sophisticated things. And the bottle cost 9 dollars, so I was feeling really good (no 2 buck Chuck for this girl today!) Then I see this really, really hot fireman walk by. Feeling so sophisticated with my bread and wine, I smile at him. What hot fireman can resist such a sophisticated lady such as myself? I walk by him like I’m so breezy and cool, barely gracing his existence with my smile. Then I get home, set my things down, and walk into the other room. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. The rain has not treated my new cut hair kindly, and it looks like a partially-wavy, partially-froey, completely rats-nesty mess! So much for my sophistication. Note to self: wear a hat next time it rains.

self-help or help yourself?

What is it about the holiday’s that makes everything seem a little more lonely? I mean, you’re surrounded by family and friends, so shouldn’t that be less lonely? I had an awesome Christmas. We had dinner on Christmas Eve with the whole fam, including 2 of my adopted brothers. That was a blast! Then Christmas we did the presents and breakfast thing, followed by Avatar in 3D. We were supposed to see Sherlock Holmes, but there was a screw-up with the times, and it wasn’t starting for an hour and a half. But, Avatar was starting right then. So we saw that. Again. Well, again for me. No one else had seen it. All in all, it was a great time! I didn’t feel lonely til this morning. I took my parents to the airport, so they could go up to San Francisco for the Emerald Bowl. What die-hard Trojan fans they are! My sister and her boyfriend drove up there this morning. I guess I was just sad that I’m sitting at home with her dogs all by myself while she’s off having a great time with her boyfriend on a vacation. They’ve only been dating for a month, and she already gets vacations. She gets texts and calls several times a day. I’ve been hanging with the Marine, and I’m not getting any calls or texts while he’s home in Texas. But, I guess it was my choice to like him. I’m happy for my sister. Bummed for myself. But, then it dawned on me: I love sitting at home with the dogs! Why am I sad? I’m doing what I love most: watching bad TV, eating a burrito from Chipotle and cuddling on the couch with the doggies. Life is beyond good! Dogs are way more dependable than boys anyway. I went to Barnes and Noble tonight. I once again found myself in the self-help section looking for a book on relationships. I’m trying to not be needy and let him have space. But, it’s hard. I’m trying to give the Marine space, but come on. Shouldn’t you miss me a bit and want to talk to me?? Aren’t you worried that when the cat’s away the mice will play? I guess he doesn’t care if I play. That’s the problem. But, he’s leaving soon anyway, so I’m trying to figure out how to just be cool and detach myself without getting angry. I don’t mind waiting around and be there for him when he gets back, but I just don’t want to be used by him. It’d just be awesome if I knew he cared about me on some level as more than an errand girl. I really think he does, otherwise he would have written me off by now. But, it’s hard to know for sure. And I hate the “wait and see” game. But, I guess that’s what I’m stuck doing. Getting a Marine to open up about his feelings might be harder than rocket science. I mean, at least with rocket science there are formulas you can work out. With a Marine…you got nothing to go on. It’s all a guessing game. I guess the point is, I’ll just have to wait and see if he calls me when he’s back in town. I’d like to pick him up from the airport, but I guess I’ll have to see if that happens. Oh…but back to the bookstore. So, there I was in the relationship section looking at some different books, as if they had the answers to all my questions: why am I single; why can’t I meet someone great; what’s wrong with me, etc. And then it dawned on me. There’s nothing wrong with me. Sure, there are things I do wrong (like text a guy when I shouldn’t), but that’s not like a deep problem or issue. That’s something I can fix pretty easy. The thing is- I just haven’t met the right guy for me. And that’s ok. So, I left that section and went to the exercise section where I picked up a book of 101 workouts. It’s this huge muscle guy (who is probably so juiced up that he has the world’s smallest..you know…) showing how to do 101 different types of exercises. And it breaks it down by body part and gives a great detailed description. Maybe I can’t fix my singleness problem on my own, but I can control my body and its strength. I’ve decided that I need to work on myself (both inward and outward) before I can really focus on someone else. As one relationship book says “I give myself away too easy and do too much for guys I’m dating, cause I don’t fully believe in the product.” Well, it’s time I start believing in the product, cause the product is pretty awesome, if you ask me. I have a lot to offer a dude, and it’s time I realize that. I used to feel conceited if I ever said that. But, now I know it’s not conceit. It’s believing in yourself and loving yourself. How can anyone love you if you don’t love yourself? Man, I have been reading self-help books, huh?? But, the point is, it’s time to focus on me, and realize that I am worth more than what I’ve been selling myself for. (My mom says that all the time, but she’s my mom, so she has to. And, I know she’s saying “I told you so!” and “You never listen to me!” consecutively. Great.) So, I think my New Year’s resolution (even though it’s a bit early) is going to be to start working on myself- get myself into shape mentally and physically, be happy with myself, etc. I think that’s great for my mental health, and for going into bar prep time. (early warning: this blog may get pretty boring) And if it is supposed to work out with the Marine, it won’t hurt that I’m in great shape by the time he gets back from Afghanistan in May.

bookstore encounters

I was at the bookstore today. I’ve always said that I think it’d be awesome to meet a guy at a bookstore. I’d be standing there looking at my works of literature by my favorite Victorian authors. And this really hot, smart, sexy guy would start talking to me about Charles Dickens (In my original fantasies, it was Oscar Wilde that he’d talk about, but then I realized that a hot, smart, sexy guy who starts talking about Oscar Wilde probably wouldn’t like girls). Before I know it we’d be engaged in this conversation about all the great works of literature and time would slip away. The store would be closing, and we didn’t even realize we’d been talking for hours. That would be awesome. Today I was at the bookstore, standing in the aisle picking up various books and flipping through them. There was a guy who came into the aisle and stood next to me. He was looking at the books on the shelves. I could feel him looking at me too. You know how sometimes you can just feel someone looking at you? You just know they are without even having to turn your head. Yeah, it was like that. Only, it annoyed me more than it excited me. I don’t care if he was the hottest guy in the world. I don’t care if he was a hot fireman in his uniform. I was annoyed. Here’s why: I was in the self-help section. I’m standing there looking at books titled things like “Why he’s not calling you back”, “The Seven Dumbest Relationships Smart People Make”, or “The Single Girl’s Manifesta”. I wanted to pick up Mars and Venus, but the guy was blocking my access. First off, it’s awkward enough reading self-help books in public. It’s almost like a spotlight starts shining on you “my life isn’t perfect and I may need help getting it sorted out!” Awkward. Second, I’m looking at books about dating, which means I’m obviously not so good at it. Why would a guy want to talk to a girl looking at books like that, unless he figures it’d be easier to seal the deal. “Hey, she obviously has issues. This will be easy!” No dice buddy. Here’s the thing about the books: they didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know. “Oh, I’m NOT supposed to call him 6 times in an hour until he answers?? My bad!” It’s like, I know I shouldn’t text a guy when I do. I’m just stubborn and a natural rule breaker and do it anyway. I channel my inner angsty-teen who is rebelling against all the rules my mom made. I’ll show you! I’m going to text him even though I shouldn’t! There was actually one book I looked at which I thought was cool at first glance. But, then I realized the advice the book was giving was so wrong, and that’s why I liked it. According to this book, after the second date, you can call a guy whenever you want, cause your fate as a couple is sealed after two dates. Now, I know that can’t be right! I mean, I do that as is, and it’s not working. So….. I think the problem is that I’m hoping there’s some big reason I’m single and don’t have a boyfriend. But, there’s not. I’m actually pretty normal. Sure, sometimes I get crazy and needy. But, that’s my insecurity creeping out. If I control my crazy insecurity, then I think I’ll be golden. I think I’m single cause it just hasn’t been meant to be yet. I’ve had other things to work on (i.e. school, myself, etc.). It’s not like I have a tremendously hard time meeting people. It’s not like I’m awkwardly shy or run away crying when someone talks to me "Stranger Danger! Stranger Danger!!!". I’m just picky. And then when I like a guy, I treat it like a case at work (read: something I can argue or research my way into winning) Being persistent and focused makes me a great lawyer, but a horrible dater. Keeping in that vain of thought: it’s day two of kicking back and not texting or calling the Marine. I’ve thought about him a lot, but in a healthy manner (read: not non-stop). I hope he’s having a great vacation and time with his family. I’m sure he’ll eventually miss me and want to say hi. But, I’m going to let him realize that by himself and contact me. It’s not about games. It’s about being more independent and giving him space. And about having faith in the fact that he digs me, and we’ll talk soon enough. And if not, then it’ll happen with a different guy. Just not the creepy guy in self-help section of the bookstore. To that guy: if you had only waited until I made it to the literature, cooking, comedy or even calendar section, you may have had a shot.

The Intern and the Model

In my new theme of living my life, I went to Mass today with my sister. I decided that a little divine intervention would never be a bad thing. It was a really good Mass. I mean, I don’t know if there’s ever such a thing as a bad Mass. But, this one was pretty enjoyable. I think cause they played my favorite hymn, which is the Hallelujah song which they sing in Shrek. Such a good song. After Mass, my sister and I met up with the Intern and the Model. Let me tell you about these guys. (I may have mentioned the Intern in a previous post. I don’t remember. If I did and I repeat, my apologies.) The Intern is this kid who works with my sister. She’s his mentor. He’s 24, and absolutely adorable. He’s from Boston, and seems like what I would picture a typical Bostonian. He has a thick accent. And he says things like “And his mudder [read: mother]! Forget about it!” He’s just the nicest guy. Real hard-working, down-to-earth, nice guy. The Model is his roommate. He’s also from Boston. The two moved out here together. He’s this adorable Italian kid who has the cutest laugh. It’s like a chuckle that makes you want to laugh too. He’s also just a really nice guy. And the two of them together are hilarious. As my sister says, they’re like an old married Italian couple. Here’s a sample bit from a conversation.

Intern: Can we go home before we go out?
Model: Why?
Intern: Cause I want to get something.
Model: What do you want to get?
Intern: I want to get a different shirt. I feel like I should change.
Model: Why do you need to change? You’re fine.
Intern: Cause I want to change my shirt.
Model: You don’t need to change your shirt.

I think this transcription leaves something to be desired. It was so funny in person! It’s just this adorable back and forth banter. Or, when we were leaving.

Model: Walk them to their car!
Intern: Of course I’m going to walk them to their car!

They’re just adorable, thoughtful guys. They were at the same Mass we were at. I don’t know why I think it’s nice when young guys go to Mass on their own. Like, they’re going cause they want to. Not because their mother is making them go. Not just Mass. Whatever religious service a guy goes to. I think it’s nice that they just want to go. I think it speaks highly of a person’s inner character when they go to church because they want to. It’s like they are trying to be a good person. It’s nice to go and think in church. Take some time to just think and organize your thoughts. Maybe re-organize or re-prioritize. At least, that’s what I take from Mass. And I think it’s nice that these young guys decide to go. They’re the guys you wouldn’t think would go. I mean, on any given Friday or Saturday night, you can probably find the Model at some trendy hot spot. He’s a young, good-looking guy who likes to party and meet girls, and have a good time. Yet, he still makes time to go to church every Sunday. So, coffee with them was really fun. And I think that’s the point of living my life. I need to just do my thing and have fun. And I need to remember that I need to come first in my own life. Yes, I will probably never change the fact that a guy I’m dating is a priority in my life. But, I need to remember that I am the first priority. And maybe I don’t need to drop everything to see the Marine. Or whoever it is that I’m hanging out with at the time. I need to do my own thing, and whatever happens will happen. I also realized that I’ve been looking at the Marine situation all wrong. I’ve been stressing about the fact that he’s leaving in 3 weeks. But, what I should be doing, is thinking about him coming back in 5 months. If anything is going to happen, it won’t be now. It will be in 5 months. So, now I need to just be casual with him and hang out and have fun. Keep in touch and send him encouragement while he’s gone. And then, if something is going to happen, it will be in 5 months. Not now. To start something now would be pointless, cause who knows who he’ll be in 5 months. And who knows who I’ll be in 5 months. A lot of this came from talking things over with my sister today. But, that’s what I’ve finally realized. Maybe it was a little divine intervention from the big man upstairs. Maybe it was my wise sister’s advice. Maybe it was being removed from the situation and doing some real soul searching. Maybe it was hanging out with the Intern and the Model and having a great time with them, when I could have just been sitting at home feeling sad that he was gone and not calling. Living my life. That’s my new theme. Doesn’t mean I can’t care about people, or still put myself out there, or go out of my way to make people happy. Doesn’t mean I won’t get hurt. Just means I’m going to be living my life. And if I’m living my life and staying true to myself, then that’s the point of it all no matter what.

Time to calm the crazy

This weekend was full of Marine time. It was pretty awesome. Friday night I went over to his house. He was sick, so I picked up some Chinese food for us. He ate and then promptly passed out on the sofa while his buddy and I watched Tropic Thunder and 8 Crazy Nights (the Adam Sandler movie, pervs!) I always forget how much I love Tropic Thunder until I see it again. It’s so good! “What do YOU mean ‘you people’?” So funny! Poor guy needed to sleep though. I felt bad he wasn’t feeling so great. Then Saturday I went over to his place in the early afternoon. He was sleeping again when I showed up, cause he was still feeling under the weather. I had some work I needed to do for a journal at school, so I didn’t mind. He woke up and we went to get his hair cut. Let me tell you. If things don’t work out with the Marine, I will be hanging out at the barber’s shop. For sure. There were like 20 Marines getting their hair cut. And there was practically a revolving door with them coming and going. But, being the dutiful girl I am, I barely even looked at the other guys in there. Though, I know they were looking at me. First, I was the only woman (aside from the 60 year old woman with her hubby) who didn’t work there. Second, I was wearing a short skirt and boots. Yeah, I could have walked away with 13 numbers. Easy. But, I’m a good girl, and kept my blinders on. I did make a mental note of where this shop was. Just in case. So after he gets his hair cut, we decided to go get some food. Being ever indecisive, I played the “I don’t care” game. It’s not a game. I really don’t care. I hate making decisions, and will be fine with anything. He asks if I wanted to see Avatar. I really had no desire to see it, but I was down since he wanted to go. We went over to the Irvine Spectrum. He was starving, but the movie started right then, or like 3 hours later. We decided to go right then and eat after. I bought him Skittles and a soda to tide him over. The movie was so good! I didn’t really know anything about it. I would see it again for sure. He LOVED it. It was really cute to see how excited he was about it after. He and a buddy texted like excited school girls over how good the movie was. He is already planning on seeing it again within a couple days. We went to In N Out after and got some food. He was literally shaking from hunger. Poor guy. We went back to his place after and I helped him pack. He’s pretty stressed because he has to pack up his whole apartment to move. But, he’s also gone home for 2 weeks, and wanted to have most of it done. So, I took care of the kitchen, and he did the rest of the place. We made a really good dent in the place. He’s still pretty stressed. But, I’m thinking that has more to do with deploying in 3 weeks. This morning I took him to the airport. He’s gone for 2 whole weeks, which sucks. I mean, selfishly, it sucks. I’m glad he gets to go home and spend time with his family and friends before he deploys. But, of course I want more time with him myself. I’m especially bummed he’s not going to be here for New Years. I’ve never had a New Years kiss, and I was hoping to this year. Oh well. Maybe next year. One would think that taking him to the airport and hoping he’d have a good trip would be good and that I could let it go at that. But, what kind of blogger would I be if I didn’t have some drama arise? I texted him a few times after I dropped him off. When he got out, he gave me an awkward hug and told me to “take care”. What the crap does that mean? I guess I could have let it go as he’s stressed and sick and trying to catch a flight. But, how about “ok, I’ll call you soon” or something like that? Is that too much to ask for? Of course my overactive brain kicked in and my insecurities surfaced. So we texted a little back and forth and then I called him. We basically talked about the level of seriousness before he deploys. He just wants to have fun before he deploys and not have to get serious or think about things while he’s gone. That makes sense. I don’t know why I can’t just let it be casual and see what happens. He said that he’s not seeing anyone else and isn’t planning on it. Why can’t I just let it be that? I think I’m looking at it from too rational a point. “Well, if I’m not seeing anyone else, but then he makes out with a new chick, then I’m going to get hurt.” I think I need to just stop thinking so much. I’ve pretty much decided that I’m not going to start seeing anyone before he leaves. I want to have any time possible to spend with him before he leaves. However, he’s also gone for the next two weeks, so I’m just going to live my life. This is going to happen during the next 5 months as well. I’m going to live my life. Whatever happens happens. I think I need to stop trying to plan every little thing out. I need to learn to just take it as it comes. All I’m planning now is if he texts or calls while he’s in Texas, then I’ll respond. Otherwise, I’m giving him the space and time he wants and needs with his family. When he gets back we’ll hang out. He’ll deploy and I’ll cry, cause it’s just sad. I’ll write him letters while he’s gone and send care packages. And then when he gets back, we’ll see what happens. As of right now I’m hoping something will work out when he gets back. And if it’s supposed to, it will. But, I’m not going to hold out for him, cause then if it doesn’t work out, I’ll just be hurting myself. And I’ll be building him up in my mind, which isn’t healthy either. I’m just going to live my life and see what happens. Things end up working themselves out. I just need to make sure that I’m not adding stress to his life before he leaves. Deploying is crazy enough. He doesn’t need me to add crazy. If I say I’m going to try to make his life better, then I need to make sure that’s what I’m doing. Easier said than done, I know. But, I need to make sure I put my selfishness aside and calm the crazy. It’s my patriotic duty.

Hyper Puppy

I think I’m going to create a new style of dating, and become a dating guru. Possibly start a cult. (Yes, I dream big) The title of my new dating philosophy is going to be: Hyper Puppy. Here’s the theory behind “Hyper Puppy.” You know how puppies are super adorable and you’re really stoked to play with them a lot at first? And they love all the attention and keep wanting more. Even if the puppy is tired, it will keep playing as long as you will. That cute little puppy is down for all of the belly rubs, and games of tug-of-war that you will give it. And then eventually you realize that you have other things to do, or that you need some time away from the puppy. It’s not that you don’t love the puppy. It’s just that there are some other things to do. And maybe the puppy still wants to play, but you have to ignore it just to make it realize that now is your time and not puppy time. And the puppy will feel sad and maybe go lick its paws in the corner or curl up in a little ball and sleep. And the puppy will probably make cute little puppy whimpering sounds in its sleep, which make you die a little inside from cuteness overload. But still, it is not puppy time. And the puppy needs to realize that it’s not the Alpha in this relationship, you are. But then when you’re ready for more puppy time, you barely have to whistle, and the puppy will come running to you with its tail wagging, already having forgot that it was sad in the first place, because it’s time for more tummy rubs and tug-of-war! YAY! Well, that’s my new theory on dating. Only, I’m not the “you” in the situation. I’m the puppy. I’m the one who wants all the attention I can get and then slightly pouts when it’s not my time. But then when it is my time, I’m stoked and come running (not literally, mind you. I’m not a very good runner.) Maybe this is a slight exaggeration, but it’s kind of true. The beginning of the relationship is like this. The guy gets to play Alpha male, cause we girls are supposed to sit back and wait for him to decide when to call, when to hang out, when to anything. We let him make the plans. We let him make the initiative. (Or are supposed to anyway) We are like the puppy who is just supposed to be excited when we get attention. And boy are we! Cause if he’s playing with me, then he’s not playing with any other puppies! And you know puppies love being the only puppy in a person’s life. I think after the beginning of the relationship, it transforms into an older dog type thing. Where the owner still wants to play and give belly rubs. But, now the puppy is a little older, a little more mature, and knows that it’s ok to keep napping, cause the owner will eventually want to play again some other time. And now a nap sounds way more delicious than a belly rub. Maybe the dog will wander over to the owner to see if it is belly rub time. Or maybe the dog will just sleep next to the owner, while the owner is busy reading the paper or eating breakfast. The dog doesn’t need the games to enjoy the company of the owner. It’s more of a companionship on both parts. That’s the part of the relationship I like the most. Where I don’t need to constantly hang out, cause I can do my own thing and know the guy will still be there. Or, I can do my own thing around him and not worry about having to make small talk. “Please don’t talk to me while Family Guy is on. Thanks.” It’s more about being around the person than being with the person. I think I’m pretty good at being Hyper Puppy though. Maybe too good. Cause, when the guy does decide to show me attention, I forget that I was annoyed that I wasn’t getting it previously. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean that he can ignore me for a week and I’ll still come running to him with open arms. I mean more like last night: the Marine and I were going to hang out. He was going to grab dinner with his buddy and said he’d call me after to come over. That was at 7. He finally called me at 8:45. Now, while I was annoyed at having to wait so long, I went all hyper puppy and was just stoked to hang out. I figured I had two options: play games and say no even though I was already dressed and ready, and then regret doing that since he’s leaving soon; or two, go hang out and have fun with him and realize that he only has a little time here left to fit in time with all of his friends, and he gives me a very large chunk of time as is. So, I was a good little Hyper Puppy and ended up having a really fun night with the Marine. I guess I just need to remember that he’s the Alpha (for now) and enjoy my little puppy naps and puppy time to myself and let him tell me when it’s time to play.

Sidenote: last night he did tell me that he's not seeing anyone else. That's always fun to hear. Of course, the lawyer in me (or is it the girl in me?) immediately started analyzing that statement. Well, is it cause he hasn't met anyone else and he's only seeing me by default? Is it because some other girl rejected him and I'm the only one around? Is it because he doesn't want to be seeing anyone else? I decided to calm my inner irrationality by thinking that he's telling me this so that I calm down and don't think he's out with other girls whenever he's not with me. I say that now when I'm in a calm and rational state of being. Get back to me tonight at 8pm if I haven't heard from him and see what kind of stories I'm cooking up in my brain.

hypocrisy

What a crazy weekend. Friday night I was home studying. Well, I was at home studying and trying not to be bummed that I hadn’t heard from the Marine. In my mind, he was out on a date with another girl. I mean, I have no right to be pissed if he were. But, it would bum me out if he were. Cut to Saturday night, and I’m a HUGE hypocrite. I invited him to a party at the Newlyweds place. It was their annual Christmas party. He had other plans to go to the LA Car Show with some buddies, so he probably couldn’t make it, he said. I wasn’t that bummed he couldn’t come. I mean, yeah, I wanted him to come obviously. But, how am I going to be mad that a guy who loves cars wants to go look at cars with his buddies who love cars. I mean, he could have invited me, but my commentary would be “Yep, that’s a car. Neat! It’s a very lovely color.” But, his buddies who are equally as mechanically inclined as he is could probably comment on things like engine parts and fuel injectors and model comparisons. Yeah, I think it was good that he went with his friends to that, and I went with mine to partake in some delicious holiday beverages. (Plus, in baking cookies with It Girl, we decided we needed champagne and got this bottle called Cold Duck- cause that’s just an awesome name- and a bottle that is the most ginormous bottle in the history of champagne bottles. We decided to take that one to the party to share. I think that there was enough to actually bathe in the champagne. It was a big bottle. That was a much better option for my afternoon activities.) Here’s where the hypocrisy comes in: ATC came to the party. I haven’t seen him in a couple months, so it was cool to see him. And he’s so personable that it’s ok to bring him to a party and know that he will talk to anyone and everyone. It was good to see him, but it was different. Maybe in a way it was necessary. I think I’d built him up so much in my mind that I needed to see him and see that it doesn’t work anymore. I mean, it was comfortable and easy to be around him. But, to be honest, my mind was on the Marine the entire time. I dig the Marine. Sunday I studied all day and then hung out with the Marine at night. He said that he needed to pack, and I told him that I had to study and didn’t need to be entertained. So, I went to his house and barely even talked to him, cause I wanted to prove just how little entertaining I need. Well, that and I really did need to study. His buddy who’s staying with him came home and eventually studying and packing ended, and they played guitar hero. Well, the Marine played guitar hero and the buddy and I were the peanut gallery offering our comments and sarcastic remarks. It was actually a lot of fun! But, I could sit around and listen to Metallica all day. (Yes, I did immediately recognize the irony- or is it more cliché?- that I was listening to Metallica with 2 Marines. Just seems so obvious.) And, being easily entertained by anything, I was mesmerized by the graphics and the notes that you have to get, and the flashing numbers and the “50 note streak” and everything. There’s a lot going on in that game! It was weird to realize that 2 hours went by! There was a song by Bob Seger and when he scrolled past it I mentioned my absolute love of Bob Seger, so he went and played that song for me, which was entirely adorable. (He also complained that it was the most boring song on the game, but he sang along, so I know he actually likes the song in general) But, I just thought that was super thoughtful and endearing. After he put his guitar skills to rest, we talked for a while. I asked him if it bothers him that I’m more aggressive and that I call him when I want to, instead of playing hard to get. He said it didn’t bother him, cause I wasn’t that bad with texting him too often. He asked what I tell my friends about him (and what I put in the blog- he’s really paranoid about the blog) and I told him that they know we’re hanging out and that I like him. He asked what I like about him, since we don’t know each other that well yet. It has only been a little over a week that we’ve really been hanging out. I told him that I know enough about him to know that I like spending time with him and want to get to know him better. I told him that I want to learn more about him, which is why I want to spend time with him before he deploys, and that I will probably not see anyone else until he leaves. And that when it’s time for him to leave, we can reassess and see what happens. I like that he’s the strong, silent kind of guy. I like that he’s an alpha male and take charge. I like that he’s silly at times, and very thoughtful when you wouldn’t think he would be necessary (see Bob Seger story above). And I like that he doesn’t mind that I’m aggressive. Oh, and I like that he argues with me on stupid things, cause I LOVE arguing about stupid things. But most importantly, I like that he doesn’t mind that I’m too aggressive. That’s a big one. I told him that I’m excited to send him care packages, and that I’m already thinking of what I’m going to put in them. Not that I want him gone. I’m just being proactive with planning. It’s going to be great. I think I’m going to put one really random thing in each package. Like “Oh, you mean you didn’t need a giant sized tub of Spam?” My bad. “You didn’t want a giant candle with the Virgin Mary on it from the 99 cent store?” Oops. Oh man, the possibilities of randomness are never ending! (Suggestions are welcome, of course)

Oh, and he wasn't with a girl on Friday night. He stayed home and played Xbox by himself, because he had a really stressful week at work with his boss who I guess he can't stand. In my defense, in all the days we hung out, he never mentioned being stressed by anything more than the early morning PT. So, how was I to know? Oops. I'm the jerk. And while I'm going to rationalize everything and defend myself by saying that he's not my boyfriend and that I don't owe him anything and we have no commitment, yeah, I'm still a jerk!

Rules: to break or not to break?

Rules. Are they meant to be followed or broken? In my real life, I think I'm fairly rule abiding. I try to follow the rules and lead a moral life. I don't cheat or steal. I don't make a U-turn where there is a sign posted saying I can't. I don't use illegal drugs. I don't punch people in the face for no reason (I believe that rule is called assault?) I find it easy to follow the rules. The rule is to have my paper turned in by 5pm? No problem. I'll have it there by 4:59. Easy. I don't even have to think about breaking the rules. Now, here's my problem. I've established my ability to know and follow the rules. Done. So, why can't I follow dating rules? It's like, I know the rule is I shouldn't text a guy, but then I do. Or I know the rule is I should play more hard to get when I like a guy, but I tell him how much I like him. Is it because the rules actually make no sense at all? Real life rules make sense. Don't steal because it's bad and will lead to chaos on society if everyone steals. Well, yeah. Obvious. Don't make a U-turn at that intersection cause it could lead to larger traffic problems. That's inconvenient, but sure, I get it. Don't tell a guy you like him and make him think he has to work for you, even though he doesn't and you like him. Yeah..I guess I'm missing how that makes any logical sense. It would seem if you like a guy and he likes you, that you it should just work. Right? I'm making a conscious effort to follow the rules with the Marine. I'm not texting him first. I'm not avoiding making plans in the hopes he asks me to hang out. But the rules just suck. If I want to hang out with him, why can't I just ask him "Hey, want to hang out tonight?" It seems so old-fashioned to sit by the phone with your fingers crossed. I mean, it's not like we don't progress technologically because that's what they did in the past. Well, it worked in the past that they used crank phones, so I'm going to go ahead and keep using my crank phone and not get an iphone. Doctors think that bleeding a person with leeches was good for curing diseases, so I'm going to avoid going to the doctor and get some new modern medicine and just slap on some leeches. Why is it ok then to say "Well, my grandmother said she would never ask a boy out, so I won't either?" But, as much as I want to argue with the logic, it seems to work. The less effort I make with the Marine, the more he wants to hang out. Maybe basing my theories on a guy with an obvious testosterone overload (as most Marines have to have..otherwise they wouldn't be Marines) isn't the best idea. It's a little too obvious. But, the thing that sucks about the rules is this. The Marine texted me yesterday at 6:59 to see if I wanted to hang out. Only, I didn't get it until this morning (well, it came through at like midnight, but I was fast asleep). All last night I was bummed he didn't call cause I wanted to hang out. I was so tempted to text him, but decided to play by the rules and not. Maybe if I had broken the rules, I could have hung out with him last night. In theory, my not responding maybe intrigued him a little. But, wouldn't hanging out be better than the intrigue? Plus, I erased all intrigue when I told him this morning "For future reference: if I don't respond to a text right away, I probably didn't get it, and you should feel free to call. I'm the queen of quick replies." I just want him to know it's ok to call me or to follow up if there are no responses from me. I guess I broke another rule by not feigning disinterest. But, I can't be expected to follow all the rules, right? But, now I'm back to staring at my phone, hoping it will ring. I'm also silently wishing that my grandma had been more of a liberal woman who taught me it's ok to break ALL of the rules and go after the man you want (a la Helen Gurley Brown- my sister's personal hero). Why did she have to be so darn traditional and teach me traditional values and morals? Dang!

Hangin' with the Marine

So apparently the trick to dating is to do nothing. For girls at least. If a girl likes a guy, she wants to talk to him all the time. See him all the time. Be with him all the time. Ok, maybe not girls in general, necessarily, but me specifically. I’m always thinking about the guy and want to make sure he’s always thinking about me. But, I guess texting him all the time, or finding him on facebook right away will only ensure that he thinks I’m crazy. Not necessarily the thinking I want him to be doing. I decided to lay low after hanging with the Marine on Friday. I don’t want to scare him away. I want him to want me, without me making him. Or trying to make him. Plus he was in Vegas for the weekend, so I didn’t want to interrupt boy time. So, no texts or calls from me. I just focused on doing what I needed to do. Cut to Sunday when I got a text from him. While he was in Vegas. Score! We exchanged a few texts. Then, cut to yesterday when he texts me to ask how studying and finals are going. He remembered I had finals and inquired! Awww! He was flying back from Vegas that evening. I offered a ride, but that meant he’d have to wait for a while for me to get done with my final. I told him I’d text him when I was done to see I he needed a ride. I finished my final a little early (I usually do cause I’m not long winded in finals- which I understand is ironic, since I’m long winded in blogs) and texted him. Well, actually, I finished early and saw a text from him asking how I was doing. I texted back that I just finished. He had taken a shuttle from the airport about 20 minutes earlier. I responded that that was unfortunate. He responded that I could still come over to hang out if I wanted. I responded that I needed to rain check that offer, cause I had to study for my final. He responded that I could study at his house while he packed (he has to move out of his place this month since he’s deploying). I agreed to this and went over there. This is what I want in a guy I’m dating: someone who wants to hang out with me, even though I’m nerdy and have to study. I just like being around him, even if we’re own doing our own thing. It’s not like I need to be entertained anyway! I showed up at his place with dinner (I was starving after my final, and he was hungry after his trip, so I stopped by Daphne’s Greek restaurant and got some grub for us) and was surprised to see his buddy there. He had been surprised to see his buddy there as well, as apparently he was supposed to be in the field until the 11th. He kept apologizing that his buddy was there. I didn’t care. I figured this was my chance to talk to the buddy, since last time I was so shy I barely said two words. I felt bad I didn’t get enough food for the buddy, but he said he’d already eaten. I studied as the buddy watched tv and the Marine packed. It was pretty fun all-in-all. The buddy then passed out on the chair and the Marine and I got to talk a lot. He started talking about his family; his parents and brother and stuff. It was really endearing and nice. I feel like we got a little closer and he opened up a little bit more. I like him because he’s the strong silent type, yet has a silly side. And we got to explore that a little more last night as we talked. I’m trying to downplay the whole deployment thing. I don’t want him to think it’s an issue for me, cause it’s not. I mean, that’s something that can be dealt with when it happens. I feel like thinking about it too much now will just put an awkward and sad cast on everything. And, how can you really see how things work out with someone when there’s that gloomy cloud always being talked about? I mean, I’m a date a one guy kind of girl. So what if he’s in Afghanistan for 5 months? It’s not like I can’t write him letters all the time, and he can’t occasionally send me an email or a letter. He told me yesterday he’s going to send me a big box of sand. Isn’t he just the sweetest? I dig his sense of humor. It’s almost as random as mine. Almost. Oh, and he didn’t mind that my hair was a mess and that I was wearing warm-up pants and a USC sweatshirt. I had 2 finals that day and hadn’t planned on going anywhere in public. Especially hadn’t planned on going to the house of my new beau. But, he said that was ok, and that that’s how he dressed all throughout college. He’s just adorable! Not to jump the gun or anything, but, I think our wedding is going to be amazing! Kidding. I'm kidding! I’m only envisioning the romantic and slightly silly proposal at this point. Don’t want to rush anything, you know?

ex-boyfriends, new boyfriends and baby showers

I’ve been really sick and super stressed with finals, so there wasn’t much going on in my life. Not much, until a couple days ago. My best friend is in town from England for her baby shower. I’m going to be an auntie! YAY!! So, It Girl and I went up on Thursday night to meet up with her and some other friends of mine from high school for this thing called Holiday Stroll in Redondo Beach. There were a couple streets blocked off and thousands upon thousands of screaming children were running around. Ok, maybe not thousands. But, there were a lot. And, the fact that kids could sing karaoke was not helping that number seem smaller. There was free wine for the adults. I didn’t partake in the wine, cause I knew I would fall asleep. Plus, I had to get It Girl and myself back to the OC. And it’d be mean to drink in front of my preggers bestie. “You can’t drink, but I CAN!! (glug glug glug)” That’s not so great or solidarity. Then again, she’s the one who got knocked up, not me. (Yes, she’s married. So, it’s not quite as trashy as that makes it sound. But I like to go for effect.) We ended up meeting up with the Brohamster (my ex formerly known as MDA). It was the first time I’d actually hung out with him since we ended things last January. Sure, we hung out at school every day last semester. But, hanging out at school is safe. Hanging out in public where alcohol is involved is a whole other story. While part of me was excited to see him, part of me was nervous as to how it would make me feel. I didn’t want to instantly spiral downwards. But, I think actually the opposite happened. When I saw him, I realized I had no feelings whatsoever for him. I could have been wasted and alone with him and had no feelings. There was nothing. No spark. And that was the most amazing feeling I’ve ever felt!! I was worried I’d always have feelings for him. Nope. Not the case. I think I just realized that we are not as compatible as I once thought. And, I realized that he really needs me as a friend, and I want to be there for him. I think I’ll always care deeply for him. But, it’s nice to know that those feelings I once had have been transformed into something much healthier!

Cut to yesterday. I’ve been bummed about the Marine blowing me off. But, I was over it. And, of course, we ended up talking! Apparently he’s deploying soon, so he was worried about starting something. I told him that I would be willing to even hang out just as friends before he deployed if he wanted. So he asked what I was doing. I told him I was studying and could possibly take a study break later at night. So he called me later and we ended up meeting up. I just like hanging out with him. He’s so mellow and easy to be around. And he’s super funny and smart. We talked a little more about the deployment. He’s leaving within 30 days. He said he had a girlfriend last time he was deployed who didn’t write him more than twice while he was gone and cheated on him. How do you prove to someone that you’re not like that? I told him that I would write him every day, even if it was “So, I’m at school waiting for class to start. Awesome.” I don’t know that those letters would be very exciting for him, but it’s the thought that counts, right? I also offered to transcribe episodes of Family Guy. “So then Stewie says…And then they cut to a scene of… And then giant fighting chicken and Peter…” Maybe that wouldn’t be so exciting either. But, I’d do it. I’m such a giver. But either way, I had a lot of fun with him. I’m hoping that he doesn’t over think things and still hangs out before he leaves. But, boys are dumb sometimes and over-analyze things. I guess we’ll see what happens. No matter what, it was fun seeing him, and a very welcome study break! I have 3 finals in 2 days, which is kind of stressful. But, after Tuesday, I’ll be good, cause then I only have 1 final a week later and 1 paper due at the end of finals. Totally doable!

And now I’m off to my best friend’s baby shower for a couple hours. I wonder if she’ll be mad if I bring an outline with me? No, it’s not that California Civil Procedure is more interesting than baby shower games (though, that is a close call as to which is better) but I just need to multi-task today. I can’t wait to give her all the presents I bought. They’re not going to find out the sex of the baby til it’s born. So I bought lots of gender neutral onesies. I also bought a TON of toys and books. As a former English major, I believe it’s never too early to start reading! One of the books is about the 50 states in the US. Hey, I’m going to make it my mission to make sure that kid is well informed about its American heritage, even though they live in England. I also got it a Dodger outfit, because we have to represent CA! And, Nascar socks, because when you think classic Americana, you think Nascar. Well, I do anyway. Um..oh..and I got “butt paste” for rashes. I think it’s for rashes. I really just got it because it’s called “butt paste” and I laughed a lot over that! HAHA Butt paste.

New Moon

I had a very serious and sad realization this weekend: I am a pedophile*. No, seriously. Let me tell you how I came upon this realization. I went with a couple girlfriends to see New Moon. I already knew that I am seriously addicted to the Twilight series. How do you not love a battle between vampires and werewolves? But, while standing in line, one girlfriend, we'll call her Ms. Adorable, because she's super adorable (obviously) pointed out that Jacob is only 17. And I am in love with Jacob. I was describing why Team Jacob is the way to go. He's loyal and strong and warm and loves Bella indefinitely. And the commercials where he is shirtless... Well! More of those please! It was then that Ms. Adorable told me he was a baby. I even made her pull out her iphone to prove it. Yep. 1992. As It Girl pointed out, that's not event the same DECADE as when I was born! I did the math like 5 times. Every time it came out the same: 17. During the movie, whenever I was drooling over his absolutely amazingly sculpted body, I felt like a pedophile. I hope that that movie doesn't come out on dvd until February, because that's when he turns 18 (thanks wikipedia) and I will no longer be a pedophile.

Ms. Adorable is my friend Mr. Adorable's girlfriend. She is this perfectly adorable girl. That's the only way to describe her. At 29, she has the perfect career and perfect boyfriend, Mr. Adorable. Together, they're The Adorables. No, seriously. She is a dentist. She's incredibly beautiful. And she's probably the nicest, sweetest girl ever. It Girl and I met her when she went with her boyfriend to an event at school. We instantly thought she was the coolest girl and made immediate plans to hang out when New Moon came out. (Her one drawback is that she's on Team Edward. Guess she's not perfect after all!) Mr. Adorable is super cute as well. He's unabashedly in love with her and doesn't care who knows it. He is really smart and very handsome. He's the kind of guy you juts know has a good heart and good soul. They leave each other the sappiest comments on each others facebook pages, but it's not even annoying as with other couples. They're just too darn cute. I'm stoked that they're becoming friends with us, because they're just good people. And I have a rule that I only associate with good people from now on. So, to The Adorables, welcome to the inner circle of Single Girl's friends. You're welcome.


*Disclaimer: There is nothing funny about pedophilia. It's a serious matter. I know this, because I defend the freaky perverts as a living.

Food choices

What is it about dinner dates that is just so awkward? Maybe an easier question would be what isn’t awkward? First it’s like, what restaurant is good to go to? My date tonight took me to a vegan place, even though neither of us are vegans or vegetarians. I think that he was trying to be edgy and cute. I was scared going in, but it turned out to be a really great place. But, that was a risky choice, because what if I’m not down with fake chicken? But what’s a better alternative? Sushi is awkward. You have to stuff giant pieces of food in your mouth while trying to be sexy and witty. Awkward! And, I’m horrible at using chopsticks. I don’t know why I can’t get the hang of them. But, I’m definitely way more adept at using a fork. Forks and sushi don’t go well together. I try to reason that using my fingers to pick up the sushi and shove it in my mouth could work, but I don’t think that’s as cool in reality as it is in my head. It’s just messy in real life. And then there’s the fact that it makes my breath smelly after. It’s hard to lean in close for whispered conversations when your breath smells like fish. And, there’s the chance that small seeds and whatnot will get stuck in my teeth. So, sushi is out. Chinese food falls under the same theory as sushi. Chopsticks, breath, etc. Mexican food is hard, because it makes me gassy. How awkward is it to be bonding over a delicious enchilada and Tecate, when I feel a burp from too many beans. I have really bad acid reflux and it acts up often during Mexican food. But I love Mexican food. Italian can be ok, as long as I’m having penne and not spaghetti. I can imagine talking and not paying attention while winding the spaghetti noodles onto my fork. Before I know it, I’ve wound the entire plate of spaghetti onto one fork. Penne is ok. It fits nicely onto a fork. As long as I don’t play with my food, and use the penne noodle as a whistle or straw, I’d be ok. Burgers are out of the question, because when I eat a burger, it gets all over my face. Plus it usually drips ketchup and mustard. Not sexy on a first date. Maybe getting messy from a burger works for Paris Hilton on a Carls Jr. commercial. But I sadly (and thankfully) am not Paris Hilton. Same thing for sandwiches. But, I mean, who would plan a date over sandwiches anyway? “Hey, wanna meet at 7 for Subway? I’ll buy you an entire footlong!” Maybe not sexy. Or for a first date. Unless it’s like “Le’ts get a sandwich then go down to the harbor and watch the boats go by.” That could be an amazing first date! Or any date. I would not turn that date down. Depending on the guy obviously. I think that any ood you have to use your hands for is off limits, cause it runs the chance that it will end up all over my face or down the front of my shirt and in my lap. There’s also the issue of portion control. It’s hard to eat and talk at the same time, so I eat slow. But then I talk so much that he finishes first. Then I feel weird if I keep eating. Plus, how much is good to eat? I mean, if I clean my plate am I a glutton? If I don’t eat enough am I anorexic? Should I eat half? What if I’m really hungry? Can I take leftovers? Dinner dates are so nerve wracking! That’s why I’ll take a date for drinks or anything else any day.

Tonight’s date was really fun. The vegan place was actually really good, and I’ll probably go back soon! The date was with Curly, who I canceled on last Friday for the Marine. I don’t quite regret canceling on him, but I’m glad he rescheduled. We talked for a couple hours, and only left because the place was closing. He’s leaving tomorrow to go home for Connecticut for Thanksgiving and is gone for a week. He said he wants to hang out when he gets back. I hope he means it. He’s pretty cool. He’s pretty buff, which isn’t normally my type. I prefer skinny guys. But, he was real easy to talk to and open up to, right off the bat. He laughed at my stupid jokes, which encouraged me to make more. That’s his bad! He liked that I used big words, which means I have a week to learn more. I threw out my winners like “vapid”, so I need to come up with some more. We discussed politics and he liked my ideas on healthcare reform. We laughed at his love of techno music and the fact that I can’t listen to classical music without writing stories to go along with it. We discussed California’s reputation as the porn capital of the world. And we bonded over a mutual love of Lady Gaga. Overall, he’s a pretty swell guy. We’ll see what happens when he gets back in a week. Hopefully I’ll have seen the Marine again by then. And, I’m seeing ATC on Thursday. That’s probably a bad idea, but when has that ever stopped me? I’m real excited to see him!! More to come on that at a later point in time.

This just in: as I was about to hit “post” Curly texted saying he had a great time, and that he wants to hang out when I get back. I absolutely LOVE follow up texts! They’re just the cutest thing! Let’s see if he texts while he’s back home. That will get him points for sure!

Double check

I texted Curly yesterday to see if he wanted to reschedule for tomorrow night. He wrote me back today saying that tomorrow works and that we could meet at the restaurant at 7:30pm. I was excited, cause he's super cute and real adorable, so I decided to text the Comic. "I have a date tomorrow with the guy I flaked on last Friday." Send. That's so funny. The Comic will laugh and be stoked for me. I scrolled back two texts, right? Not just one? Of course I did. Maybe I should check my sent messages just in case. HOLY CRAP!! I sent that to Curly!!! So, I quickly type out "I meant to send that to my girlfriend who broke her ankle because I told her that it's her fault if you didn't want to reschedule." (Yes, I told Curly that my girlfriend broke her ankle and I had to go help her out. Well, I mean it's not entirely a lie. The Marine did hurt his ankle, and I did go to hang out with him while he was hurt.) Curly then called me right after he got that text. I apologized profusely and then explained how that was meant to go to my girlfriend. (I hope all these men in my life don't feel feminized by the fact that I keep turning them into chicks in my stories) He thought it was funny and was not at all offended. He said that when he got my text last week he thought it was a blow off, but then figured that the story was so random that it probably wasn't made up. Again, it wasn't all that untrue. I told him that with my luck my car would probably break down after my interview tomorrow in Riverside and I'll be stranded. But, even if I have to take the bus, I will be there. There's no way I will cancel on Curly again. We're meeting at this vegan restaurant, even though neither of us are vegans. I think he's trying to be original, which is cute. So, all in all, he seems like the very understanding and forgiving type, which I dig. And need. I need a very forgiving man, because I am extremely retarded. Apparently. And he seems to have a lot of energy, which is cute. So we'll see how it goes. But no matter what, I've learned to double check the address before I send a text message!!

Date with a Marine

I should never have doubted the United States Marine Corps. I meet one cute Navy guy and I’m ready to turn my back? What kind of fickleness is that? My mother raised me better than that! So, Marine Corps, I’m back claiming you as my favorite military branch and will never forsake you every again! You were always the one for me. I hope you accept my humble apologies. What brings this on? I had a date with a cute Marine. Duh! So, on Thursday morning, there was a cute guy on eharmony who had “government” listed as his occupation. We did the back and forth throughout the day. He responded nearly as quickly as I did, which was a plus. He asked for my number that night and we spent 3 hours on the phone. This guy was hilarious and sweet and sarcastic. He graduated from Texas A&M, so he’s an officer: a Captain, to be exact. Kind of a sexy rank. He wanted to hang out on Friday, but I had plans with Curly. I told him that I was going to LA, so I couldn’t til Saturday. Then on Friday he texted me that he had to go to work on Saturday cause his unit had to see another unit deploy. And, he sprained his ankle really bad that morning. My inner Florence Nightengale kicked in, and I wanted to go take care of him. What is it about someone being hurt that makes me want to take care of them? Like, I want to rush in and save him. Granted, it’s a sprained ankle, but I know it hurt a lot. So, I did what any reasonable person would do and canceled on Curly. I told him that my friend broke her ankle and I had to go take care of her. How is it that I am canceling on the hottest guy I’ve talked to thus far to go meet a Marine I’d been talking to for one day? Apparently Eharmony is turning me into a heartless person. Curly was very understanding and told me to let him know when I could reschedule. Look at me turning down the hot guy for the guy I clicked with in a day. Granted, if he weren’t a Marine, I probably wouldn’t have canceled on Curly. But, that is neither here nor there, because he is one. I told the Captain that I would drive down to him since his ankle was hurt. We went to this really good sushi restaurant. It was awfully convenient that we both liked the same rolls. Apparently this place was his normal hang out, cause everyone who worked there knew him. One of the ladies who worked there stared at me the entire time we were there. I took that as “Oh my gosh! He’s with a girl!” My sister said it was probably cause she was thinking “Wow, this guy brings in a new girl every day!” or “That’s not his girlfriend!” What a supportive family I come from! So, we had dinner and it was good and he was so fun to hang out with! I was real awkward at first. He called me out on that actually. I guess when I would talk, I wouldn’t look at him, and he pointed that out. Who are you, Miss Manners? Shut it dude! We hung out at his place after with his buddy who is staying at his place for a while (another Marine). I don’t think the buddy was expecting a girl to walk through the door, cause he literally stopped talking and looked surprised when I came through. Then again, he could have been thinking exactly what my sister said the waitress was thinking. It’s really hard to tell. We hung out and watched South Park. I love a man who will watch cartoons with me. We then watched a George Carlin routine. It was good times for sure, though I was out way too late, considering I had to be at USC so early on Saturday to watch the Trojans get spanked by Stanford. (Seriously. Stanford. What the heck?!) He texted me early Saturday morning. That was cute. I mean, I love the texts from a guy just to let me know he’s thinking about me. I hope we hang out again. He’s a lot of fun. And, well, he’s a Marine. (I personally relate to that scene in Grease where Marty Marashino is talking about her penpal and she says he's a Marine. And then all the girls exclaim "A Marine!" and then squeal excitedly. Yeah...that's me.) I probably messed up, cause I texted him this morning around 11 to see if he wanted to hang out. He responded that he just woke up and was feeling hung over. And he threw in a “hahaha”. So…I don’t know. I guess it's a good sign he responded? Maybe it's not a good sign he didn't want to hang out? Maybe his sprained ankle, swine flu shot and hangover really made him feel gross? Maybe I need to remember that some people are not as excited as I am and want to hang out all the time. Like the Comic, even if he digs a chick, probably won’t hang out with her more than once a week for a long time. But, he has many dumb rules (like no coffee dates or day dates) which I don’t agree with. What is it with dudes and their rules? Maybe I should stop overanalyzing and overthinking every little thing? I’m going to kick back and not text the Captain again, and see what he does. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but I’m horrible at the beginning of relationships. Like, I guess I shouldn’t have texted him today, but why not? If I want to hang out and had time, why not tell him? But, the new me has vowed that I will be patient and try to play by the rules. Some of the rules. I’ll think about playing by the rules. I’ll think about the rules while I’m breaking them. I think I made progress today. Instead of texting the Captain I went to the gym, cleaned my apartment, bought a coffee maker, and studied for a whole bunch of hours. Maybe not texting boys is what I need to be a clean and healthy straight-A student! Two other dudes from Eharmony called me tonight. A teacher I’ve been talking to, and this Honduran dude. I didn’t answer my phone. I just wasn’t feeling up to it. Maybe I’ll call them back tomorrow. Besides, it seems guys are super interested when you don’t show them interest, and then back-off when you do. So, maybe I’ll call them in 2 weeks and just be like “Oh man, I’ve been so busy. But I have a free 43 minutes tomorrow at 11:20pm. Interested?” And then they’ll be so stoked that I worked them in that they’ll propose at 11:34. I think that would work for Paris Hilton, but not me. I just can’t play games. Can’t do it. But, I can work on not putting my heart on my sleeve, or at being too available. I hope the Captain calls. I’m not holding out for the Captain, but I’m hoping he’ll call. Adopted brother #1 said I need to not go out with cops or marines anymore and meet a computer nerd. I don’t know about that. At this point, I’m just looking for a dude who I’m compatible with, whether he’s a marine or a computer guy, or anything in between. I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want in a relationship. And in doing this, I’ve been thinking about all of the couples in my life and what I can learn from them.

#5: The Newlyweds. They are just an adorable couple; the kind that you know just really enjoys each others company. They do the cutest couple costumes for Halloween. They offer to get the other a glass of wine, or a napkin or whatever when we’re all hanging out. And they’re comfortable doing their own thing and having their own lives. They’re just that couple who are completely in sync with each other, and it’s apparent to everyone. With this couple, you know if it came down to them against the world, they’d take it on, and succeed.

#4: It Couple. They’re the It Couple, so you know I have a lot to learn from them. I think what’s most important about It Couple is that they laugh at each other’s jokes. I mean, even the bad ones. Of course, he will call her out for a bad joke or she’ll call him out, but they still laugh about it. They get each other. Even when there are arguments or disagreements, they manage to laugh after and get over it. These two are on completely opposite ends of the political spectrum, so you know they argue, but they still manage to respect each other and come to a happy middle. Maybe that’s what I’m learning from them: compromise and humor.

#3: The Brits. My best friend and her husband are just the most adorable couple. They’re both so sweet and good-natured. And, even though it was cheesy when I said it in my maid-of-honor speech I still believe it: I know what love is when I see the way he looks at her. You can just see the love spewing from his eyes. (Ok, I guess “spew” isn’t the best word to describe love, but deal with it.) And now they’re having a baby! They are just too darn cute for words!

#2: Sunnbeam and Groucho. Ok, Sunnbeam is my cat and Groucho is my parents cat, but please bear with me. These cats are as in love as any cat couple could be. They’re always together. They cuddle in the sun, and clean each other. She waits til he’s done eating to eat. He kills little critters and brings them to her. I bet in any 24 hour period, they’re only apart for a total of 45 minutes. They’re just enjoy each other’s company that much. Granted, they snap at each other and fight sometimes. But, that only lasts for like a minute, and then they’re back to cleaning each other. Maybe a bath is the key to getting over a fight?

#1: My parents. Of course they’re number 1. Come on. My parents are best friends. They do everything together. They share the same interests. They put up with each other. (Trust me, in my family, we are all so stubborn and crazy that at times, it’s putting up.) They work through all the problems and support each other. They even know each other’s passwords to email, voice mails, etc. Not that I need to know that from my future partner. But, it must be nice to be at that level of honesty and trust.

So, what I’ve learned from this list is that to be in a successful relationship, I need to dress up in costumes while laughing and spewing, then give a bath and share my email password. Thanks happy couples for enlightening me! Be expecting wedding invitations in the mail soon, cause now that I know the secret to being in a happy and successful relationship, I’m ready for my soul mate.

I need an "interest"

It seems that most guys who contact me on Eharmony use the “what is your interest” question. I don’t know if “watching really bad reality television” is something that these guys are looking for. But, being lazy, I don’t know that I have any other interests. Well, my main interest is writing this blog, but I can’t very well write that answer! Originally I was putting “volunteering” and discussing my love of working with various charities. But, that’s kind of boring. And something I haven’t done much of lately. I think that the guy probably isn’t interested in that so much. I mean, I don’t think it’s turned any guy off yet, but it definitely isn’t getting him excited to meet me. He’s probably picturing someone who is more akin to a school marm than I am. Lately I’ve been putting how my interest is hanging out with my friends and making delicious dinners. But, is that really an interest or something I just do? I think I’m going to create some canned answers. Maybe say something random just to see what kind of responses it elicits.

“I’m really into taxidermy. If I shoot the critter myself, it’s an added bonus. There’s nothing like waking up early on a Saturday morning, driving to the desert, and finding a little bunny or squirrel to bring home to place on my mantel. Live pets are nice, but they’re too messy. And you have to feed them and pick up poop. This is the way to go. I’d love it is my partner shared my love of taxidermy. He could skin the animal while I prepare the polyurethane form and glass eyes.”

“An interest of mine is flossing. I love to floss my teeth. I’m very big on dental hygiene. I would love it if my partner shared my love of floss. We could have floss-offs in the mornings, racing to see who could floss all of their teeth faster. And having someone to floss with would legitimize my need to buy floss in bulk at Costco.”

“My favorite thing to do is origami. My apartment is full of origami. Literally. You can barely walk through all of the origami. My record is 673 cranes in one day. I’m looking for a partner who can help motivate me to be the best origamier, crane-maker in the world! Nimble hands on a man is a plus, but not a requirement.”

“I like knives.” (I think this one is best left as is. No need for explanation.)

“I spend a lot of time with my ant farm. I’ve named all 1,459 of them. Each one is completely different and has a personality, which is weird, cause they’re ants! Not persons! But, I swear they do. I’d love a partner who wants to learn about all of them.”

“My favorite thing to do is write letters to men in prison. They need attention too!”

“My interest is babies. I love babies. I want babies. Babies, babies, babies. Oh, and I’m really interested in weddings. I love wedding shows. I love wedding chapels. I already have my wedding dress picked out, so I just need the man who matches it. You look cute in your picture. You may match pretty well. And then babies!!”

Ok, I guess I’ll stick with my interest of hanging out with my friends and cooking dinner.

Date 1 with Air Marshall

The date with the Air Marshall was amazing! He called me Sunday morning at 11:04. I was going to make a punctuality joke (he said he’d call me at 11) but decided to restrain myself. We decided to meet at this place right up the street in half an hour. It was a good thing that I had already straightened my hair. I didn’t want to seem all high maintenance when he called “Um, I need like an hour. Ok?” Instead it was like “Oh yeah, I’m ready to go”. And then when I show up, he thinks I just always look like my hair is silky straight and my eye lashes are miles long. It’s natural. I roll out of bed looking like that. Yep. Ok, so for this date, I decided to dress up a little. I threw on my trusty knee high boots and a jean skirt and this argyle sweater. What can I say- I love argyle! I got there, and he was waiting inside. He was super cute! He was dressed well: jeans and a button down shirt. The jeans were trendy jeans, which normally I don’t like. But he was hot, so I let it go. We got a table by the window which looked onto the bay. Normally, I would think that was such a romantic thing. But, there was so much activity outside that I was constantly distracted. Like, there was a girl washing her boat right in front of us. How is that NOT distracting?? We had bloody Mary’s and fish tacos. It was so good. I warned him that I was a messy eater. I tried my hardest to not get food all over my face. I think I succeeded pretty well. He seemed almost as nervous as I was, which is weird, cause he was the hot one. I tried to keep my dumb jokes to a minimum. But that’s hard. I tried to not ogle his really thick and muscular arms, but that was hard to. Especially cause he kept stretching them! I think he did it on purpose so I would stare. Oh, and is that a tattoo I see on your arm? Ok. Nice! So, he paid for the lunch and when he grabbed his money clip, he dropped a bunch of cards and stuff on the ground. I hopped up to help him pick some up. I felt bad for the guy. He was kind of embarrassed. I’d rather it was him drop things than me though. On this date, I did not suggest that he hit on the waitress. I claimed him as mine early on. I’m sorry, but a Navy guy turned Federal Air Marshall?? Sexy! He was almost a Navy Seal, but failed out after about 6 months into the training. He’s tough. So, after lunch, we walk out and he seemed nervous again. I gave him a hug as the cars came up. I handed the valet kid a wad of ones. I don’t even know how many were in there. I don’t even know if there was a larger bill lurking in there. Maybe I made some valet’s day. I don’t even know. I was too nervous and elated to be bothered with counting money. It’s nerve-wracking to come off as fun and carefree and non-nervous! So, afterward he texted me that he had a good time. We had a couple texts between us. It was cute. There was no talk of a second date yet. I’m hoping to hear from him. I’ll actually be a little bummed if I don’t. Did I mention how cute he was? He had this gorgeous smile that lit up his eyes. I wonder if he’s too cute for me? I did realize one thing though: maybe I’ve been blinded by my pro-Marine lifestyle. Maybe Navy’s the way to go, and I just never realized it? I mean, I’ve known some great Marines in my life. But I think it’s time I expand my horizons and open my mind to other military branches.

That leads me to Lance Armstrong. So Lance and I are now friends on gchat, and on facebook. We reached that level today. We chatted for a while during the day. His facebook picture is hilarious! It’s this random guy with a violin. So funny! I really enjoy talking to him. I think he’s super goofy and super adorable. We even talked about a bet that we’re going to have someday and what will happen when he loses (he has to eat a pepperoni pizza with peanut butter on it, cause that just sounds so disgusting!). But, he still has not brought up hanging out. I get shy guys, but come on! You obviously like me on some level and enjoy talking to me. So what’s the hang up? I’m trying to be patient. But, with all these more aggressive guys actually manning up… I hope Lance grows the cajones soon. Though, I think in a way, he’s doing it right. I’m really liking him the more I talk to him. So maybe this is a brilliant ploy on his part. He's going to hook me in, because by the time we meet, I won't want to stop talking to him, and will have to date him. Very well played sir. Very well played.

And in keeping with the theme of betting, I emailed and texted this cute cop today. I wasn’t sure about him at first. In his pictures, he looks real cute in his uniform (but, I think 78% of cops look cute in their uniforms) but he was a horrible dresser is his normal clothes. To be fair, as It Girl pointed out, all the other pictures looked like they were from one trip. Maybe he just had bad clothes on that trip. Or maybe he lost a dare and had to dress geeky. Or maybe he just needs a girlfriend to help him out. I’m pretty style challenged myself, so I don’t know that I’m up for that challenge. Then again, I couldn’t make him look worse. (ooooh….mean!) He texted me tonight and we were joking around about paying attention during class. He said he would test me later on what I was learning. He said that he’d hate to fail me, but that he could be bribed with a drink. I said that wasn’t very good incentive to pass, and what would I get if I passed. He said I could have whatever I wanted. Now, at this point in the text conversation, I felt like we were at a fork in the road. It could either get real flirty, or I could regain the power. I’ve watched enough late night tv to know which direction he wanted it to go in. That being said, I knew what I had to do. So in reply, I said “If I win…I want a monkey. You said I could have anything.” He responded that he didn’t know how easy that would be to get. I told him to start checking on ebay and craigslist. Possibly call Michael Jackson’s estate. And if worst comes to worst, he could draw me a picture of a monkey. I never said it had to be a live monkey. I like seeing if these guys get my randomness. I’m pretty random at times. Most of the time. A guy has to get that and be able to hang. We’ll see about hanging out. He seems pretty cool. And he has a Master’s degree in Criminal Justice. And he used to be a personal trainer. All he had to say was he has military experience and is a USC fan, and I think he’d be my dream man. Aside from the crappy dresser part. I’m kind of excited about all these potentials!

Bike racers, Marshalls, and Cops. Oh My!

Oh my gosh. So. Eharmony is kind of awesome. It’s just really fun to meet people; to talk to people who I never would have otherwise. Like, with Lance Armstrong. I don’t know if I would have talked to him if it hadn’t been for this website. And now, I really look forward to talking to him, because he’s so clever and witty. I appreciate people with a sense of humor that keeps me on my toes and makes me think. Lance Armstrong called me during the week and we talked for a while. Then he called me yesterday and we had a conversation for about an hour or so. Today he texted me during the USC game (he was watching the Nebraska game at the same time). He was actually out at a bar texting me during the game, which is cute. Then he called me after and we spoke for about 40 minutes. He’s really fun to talk to. He hasn’t brought up meeting yet. But, I think he’s kind of shy and stuff. I like this whole “taking it slow” thing. And, I like talking to him so much, that I’m good putting off meeting him, in case we don’t hit it off in person. I’d hate to lose this dude I like talking to because I’m superficial. But, hopefully we meet soon. I think it’d be really fun to hang out with him. Tomorrow he’s going on a 50 mile bike ride. For fun. 50 miles. Fun. Um…yeah. I told him he makes me feel lazy. I don’t know if he was hinting around to see if I’m busy tomorrow, cause he brought up my plans a couple times. I told him I’m studying all day and then having family dinner at It Couple’s house. She’s making meat loaf. I will not miss meat loaf night. Not even for a date! I have priorities people! Meat in loaf form comes high on list of said priorities. Plus, I already have a date tomorrow.

So, today I got a call from Air Marshall. He was on a lay-over in Seattle. Well, not a lay-over, but a turn-around. I guess he took one flight up to Seattle and then waited for a couple hours for a different flight back down to LA. (What a cool job he has!) So he called me in between flights. We made about a minute and half of small talk before he asked when I wanted to hang out. I said any day but Monday works for me, since I am at school til 9:30m on Mondays. He then said “Ok, then how about Monday we grab dinner or lunch?” Um… I told him (again) that Monday was the one day that didn’t work but that I was free for lunch tomorrow. He was excited for that, and said he’d call me tomorrow around 11am to plan where we’d go. I said that sounded great. He asked if his number showed up on caller id for me to have. I said it did. (It’s funny how sometimes you can just tell that a guy was in the military. He’s very matter-of-fact and take charge. I like that. I then told him to have a good flight home. He said “you too”. And then he laughed and mumbled something kind of embarrassed. And I said “If I happen to find myself on a flight tonight, I will indeed have a good one!” He laughed. It was cute that he was more nervous than I was! He’s kind of adorably sweet. I’m really excited for lunch tomorrow. I need to start deciding what it is that one wears to a lunch date on a Sunday with a military man who is now a Federal Air Marshall. I also wonder if he carries a gun off duty, like a cop does? I think that’s why I like cops- there’s something about a guy having a gun on him at all times that is pretty cool. (Should I clarify that and say that the guy is lawfully carrying a gun on him? I am not so into gangsters.) Well, either way, tomorrow should be interesting. And, if he’s not so great in real life, I have plans in the afternoon which provide a lovely “out.” And if he’s awesome, maybe I’ll invite him over for meat loaf.

I have another date later in the week. The really, really cute curly haired guy emailed me this morning (well, 1:37am- did he drunk email me? Did I get drunk eharmonied??). He apologized for not writing me in the past week, and said that he had family and out-of-town guests staying with him. I’m assuming that’s code for dates with other girls, but to each their own. He said that he was leaving for Cincinnati for a few days, but that he’d like to meet up when he gets back in town. If I felt comfortable with that. Um, have you seen how cute you are and your adorable curly hair? Yeah, I feel comfortable! He’s also so close to his family, which is a few points on the positive side. I’m excited to meet him. I don’t know why he wants to meet me though. I’m such a nerd! In his email to me, he asked if I wanted to meet “for a quick dinner” and I responded by saying “I’d love to meet for a quick dinner. Were you thinking quick like McDonalds or like a hot dog eating contest with Kobayashi (yes, I know Mark Chestnutt is the champ now, but he doesn’t quite have the name recognition). I’m down for either.” Um…wow… Why do I write things without thinking? Is it possible to have diarrhea of the keyboard? Maybe I should write things, walk away for 2 hours, and then hit send. Or delete. But, this guy seems to find me funny, so why edit myself now, I guess. He’d find out how nerdy I am sooner or later. Might as well be sooner. I’m hoping he still wants to hang out after that email. We’ll see.

I’ve been talking to this cute cop from La Palma. I have no idea where that is. And, I think I’m a LAPD snob. It’s like “Oh, you’re not LAPD? Can you really even call yourself a cop then?” Ok, not really. I think being a peace officer s a noble and intense job no matter where you are. There’s another cop I’m talking to who lives in Chino. I don’t know which department he’s with. I just know that he may be the hottest cop I’ve ever seen in my life. His name is Hot Cop. If there were a Skin-amax movie made whose plot involved a cop, the part would be based on Hot Cop. I’m hoping to meet both of the cops in the near future. Maybe one of them will take me to a shooting range. The Cop (the original cop I hung out with over the summer) was supposed to take me, but we never went. I was really hoping we would, but that didn’t pan out. The Detective and I were talking about going, but I haven’t seen her in a long time. She said she would take me when The Cop and I stopped talking. I think she just wanted me to stop whining about him. I whined about him a bit. Not nearly as much as I whined about ATC, but I whined nonetheless. But, maybe one of these new cops will be cool and take me!

Hope to have some big stories for ye ol’ blog this week!

Apologies

Apologies are nice. I tend to apologize for everything. “I ate your last cookie. I’m sorry.” “Your puppy died? I’m sorry.” “You cheated on me and broke my heart? I’m sorry.” Even if I have no reason to apologize, I still do. It’s like something that just comes naturally. It’s not that I’ve done anything wrong, necessarily. It’s more like I’m sorry for the situation. I’m a Libra. I like everything to be in balance. If it’s not, I apologize for the imbalance. I got a real apology from MDA on Sunday. I wasn’t expecting it. The way we left it in August was me sending him a text telling him to never call me again. Then I promptly deleted him from Facebook and erased his number. It wasn’t bitterness that led to the deletion. It was my needing to move on, and I couldn’t do that if I was constantly seeing pictures of him and his girlfriend. Seeing him, or being able to see his page, would just keep me thinking about him. And if I’m still thinking about him, how can I truly open myself up to meeting a new guy. And if I’m able to see him, then I’m going to keep thinking about how incredibly good looking he was, and think that I probably won’t be meeting someone as good looking as him again. I’m trying to lead a less superficial life. Looks fade. Personality is forever. Good looks are the icing on the cake. But it’s all about real substance. But, hot damn, it sure is hard to break up with someone who is so handsome! But I did, and I deleted, and I’m good. Sunday morning, I’m trying to outline for one of my classes when up pops an instant message from MDA. I guess I’d forgotten to block him online. Maybe I intentionally forgot. My heart kind of stopped for a second when his name popped up. It’s funny, cause I’d just been thinking about him when I was thinking about Halloween last year. I was a little scared to read the message. I was wondering if maybe he’d found out about my blog and his name on here (which, I may need to change now). I’d wondered what else I could have done wrong which he was contacting me over. (See, I instantly go into apology mode) But, it was actually HIM apologizing to ME! He said that he wanted to apologize for treating me so crappily and that he regretted that. I mean, yeah it’s been a while, and I’m pretty much over it (obviously) but that was really nice to hear. I guess he and the girl he left me for broke up. You mean the slutty bar tender whom you knew was cheating on you and only liked you because you are a party guy and like to drink ended things? Shocker! I do feel bad for him. Break-ups are hard, even if they’re with slutty bar tenders. And they lived together apparently. So that makes it tough too. Having to split up stuff and pack and be angry while the other person is right there. I’ve never actually lived with a dude, so I don’t know. But, in the movies it looks tough. I saw The Break-Up with Jennifer Anniston. That was hard. (The break-up. Not the movie. The movie wasn’t so hard.) But, we had a nice conversation. He is a good guy, and I know he has a good heart, so I don’t like seeing him bummed out. I gave him a pep talk, which is exactly how it used to be once upon a time. He’d be bummed out, I’d give him a pep talk. Maybe sometimes you just can’t change the dynamics of a relationship. I told him that I’d be there if he needed to talk. Don’t think I can hang out with him though. A) I’m still attracted to him. B) There’d be a line of people waiting to punch me in the throat. That guy broke me, and I think anyone who cares about me would never let me even think about hanging out with him again. There’s no way I could go through that again. And I don’t know if I could be his friend who hangs out and stuff because I am still attracted to him. Phone and/or instant message relationship is safe. I can’t hug him through the computer. I definitely would never try to date him again. I don't think I'd date any ex ever again. They're exes for a reason. Actually, that's not true. If ATC called me today, I'd take him back and work things out without a second thought. (Why do I feel like I'm going to get kicked by It Girl when she reads this??) I'd probably get in my car right now and go see him. Maybe bring him a pie too. (Ok..that's a bit of a stretch. No pie. That just seems desperate.) But, the point of this all is: in terms of the apologies I’ve ever received in my life, this one from MDA definitely goes top 5. I'll reserve the first spot for ATC, but only because that one would end with us running towards each other in slow motion, and there's a marriage involved. I'm just saying.

Playa

Today was study day. The It Couple and I outlined for a class. We had hoped to get through 200 pages in 2 hours. We got through 73. But, that’s 73 more than we had earlier. So, it’s all good. I’m sure we’ll get ‘er done. Then It Boy left and Personal Trainer came over. I cooked dinner for them. Yes, you read correctly. I cooked dinner. It turned out deliciously too! Whole wheat pasta with vodka sauce, garlic bread and salad. Can you say gourmet?? Granted, none of it was homemade. I mean, if it were It Girl’s house, she’d have made the sauce from scratch. Probably grew her own tomatoes and made her own pasta too. But, store bought is fine with me. I think it turned out well. We worked out earlier with the Personal Trainer doing some cardio. He came back over after his other sessions. He’s pretty chill to hang out with. I like him sometimes, but I don’t know if I feel the spark. Though, according to He’s Just Not That Into You, the spark is something women create because they like drama. I like drama as much as the next girl, but I think the spark is real. Sometimes you just feel the spark, and there is no drama. Drama is what kills the spark. Thinking back on my past few dudes, it was drama that killed the spark for sure. Most of my past relationships, including relationships. I’ve ended a few friendships because the girl and/or guy was too drama. No more drama in my life. Check please. So, tonight while we were all hanging out, I got a call from Lance Armstrong. I couldn’t answer obviously. I just texted him after Personal Trainer left and told him I didn’t know if 10 is too late to call, but that he could call me back whenever. Some people go to bed by 10, so I didn’t want to be rude. Though, how a text is better than a call if it is too late, I’m not sure. Maybe his ringer is quieter for texts? Maybe I should have just called. Oh well. Also, this new dude who’s been emailing me emailed me. We’ll call him Marshall, as he’s a Federal Air Marshall. How hot is that?? And why am I all of a sudden attracted to men who have something to do with airplanes? First an Air Traffic Controller. Now a Federal Air Marshall? But seriously. How HOT is that?? He was in the Navy for 10 years. That’s pretty hot too. And, he got my random jokes on eharmony. In the “tell something else about yourself” (or whatever it is) part, I wrote “I love lamp.” So, his first email to me said “I just recently moved to the OC from San Diego, which in case you didn’t know is German for whale’s vagina.” I’m stoked that he got my quote! A few guys had to ask what it was from. That’s my hint that I will not be connecting with them. I responded to that saying “Wow. I thought that the translation had been lost to scientists hundreds of years ago.” And, as It Girl thinks, a guy who uses the “v” word in a first email is a keeper. I had to ask her if it’s weird that we think that way, cause most girls would probably be offended. I guess I’m just that classy. I think that if a guy doesn’t have the sense of humor of a 12 year old, and doesn’t have his mind in the gutter will not get along with me and my friends. But, it’s funny that while I’m with Personal Trainer, all these other dudes were contacting me. Is this what it feels like to be popular? I mean, I didn’t want to say anything, but, I’m kind of a hot commodity. A real big deal. Ok, I’m kidding. I only played one for Halloween. Sometimes I actually wonder why people think I’m funny, or respond to me at all. In the email, I also referred to the fact that under occupation he said “Government”. I said “Your profile says your occupation is "government". Are you the entire government, cause that sounds pretty hectic and full of paperwork. However, if you are the whole government, I've been meaning to talk to you about potholes on the streets.” Yeah, that’s one of those things that I probably should have actually thought about before I hit the send button. But, he still responded. So, maybe he does really get me afterall. We’ll see. He’s in New York right now cause he is, you know, marshalling. (Points for emailing me while in New York.) He said he’d be back tomorrow. I’m kind of interested to see what happens. Did I mention how incredibly hot he is? I bet stewardesses through themselves at him. Not good, cause I’m kind of a jealous person. I say I’ll work on that, but I probably won’t. How do you work on that anyway? Are there like word problems I can do? Is there a workbook? I mean, when I had to work on learning Spanish, I had a workbook and practice problems. Match the word with the picture. The word “mesa” gets matched with the picture of the table. Done. Does the phrase “jealous b*tch” get matched with a picture of me, and I’ve learned? One time last year this really annoying 1L was all over Manic Depressive Alcoholic (MDA) at this school Tiki Cruise. I let it go most of the night. I figured he wasn’t reacting to her, and was actually really, really annoyed by her, so I’d let him handle it. But, at the end, I’d just had it. So when she grabbed the hat off his head, I got pissed. I took it back, in a fairly aggressive way. Then, when we were walking away, she grabbed his ass. Uh oh. I turned around “I’ll punch you slutty 1L!” Like, I literally had to be restrained. MDA had to hold me back. My girlfriends had to hold me back. People had to get me to walk away. I’ve never been in a fight, but I could have easily kicked that chick’s ass. MDA thought it was kind of funny that I went crazy. We ended up fighting about something else that night, but it wasn’t even over the fact that I threatened to beat up some lame chick. Again, I’m extremely classy. I think it’s kind of hilarious in retrospect. But man, this can now be admitted to a court of law as a hearsay exception: statement against self-interest. Hopefully the statute of limitations for attempted assault has run out! Point is: maybe I need to a) control my jealous tendencies; b) …. I don’t know if there is a b. This may be a 1 moral-of-the-story story. Well, here’s to hoping that something happens with the Marshall that can even lead to my being jealous of him and other chicks.