What a great weekend!

What a great weekend. The more time I “spend” with New Marine, the more I’m really falling for him. Of course, that begs the question: can you fall for someone who you spend so much time talking to everyday, but have never actually spent real time with? Friday night I went out to dinner with some people in Laguna Beach at this really cool Hawaiian place. He stayed home playing video games and drinking with his roommate. We texted a bit back and forth, but not a lot since we were both doing other things. Though, it’s funny that the drunker her got, the more he texted me. He’s such a girl sometimes! I called him when I got home, which was like 30 minutes after he called me (it was too loud to hear) but he was already passed out.

Saturday was the day that really made me fall for him though. March 27th is my least favorite day of the year. It’s the anniversary of my first big surgery and the day my grandpa died (same day). This was the 19th anniversary. It’s always a really hard day for me, and I cry a lot. I told him, and he was super sweet and said he’d make it a good day for me, even though he was far away. He accomplished that. We texted all day, and then he called me and we chatted on the phone for a long time, and then we had a 6 hour Skype date. It was so fun. We played 2 games of Scrabble and chatted and sent each other videos and links to watch. We talked about things to do when he comes out to visit. I think I’m going to take him to Disneyland one day for his birthday. I think that’d be really fun, and kind of a cool present. (Today I mailed him a little birthday/Easter care package consisting of Easter sweets, home baked cookies- yes, I baked- and Where’s Waldo boxers. It wasn’t much; just a little something to show I’m thinking about him on Easter and his birthday.) I told him that I’d love to go to Mission San Juan Capistrano when he’s out here, cause I love that place so much, and he said that was the church he went to when he was growing up. I was super jealous of that! We’ll probably go to the Getty Center when he’s out here, cause he likes museums and has never been there. Maybe I’ll take him to the old Getty too. I like them both, and they’re so different. So many options of things to do! I just can’t wait for him to be here. He just makes me feel good and happy. When I’d start to get sad on Saturday, I’d get a random text from him, and it’d calm me down. Sunday he called me first thing in the morning and we chatted for a while until he went to workout with a buddy of his. Then we texted all day. Then he called me and we spent 2.5 hours on the phone that night. I can’t even tell you what we talk about, it’s just anything and everything. He takes an interest in everything in my life, from the small dumb day to day things, to the bigger life changing things: where should I live, what job should I do, etc. And I take the same interest in his. We also got into some heavier stuff, like our long-term relationship if we meet in April and get along in real life. I can honestly say I’ll be pretty crushed if we don’t hit it off. I can’t imagine we won’t. He said he’s worried that I won’t like the way he dresses or something. I said I’m not all that picky. The Drywaller wore jean shorts, and I didn’t care. It’s not like I’m the best dresser. I told him I wear jeans and wife beaters and tennis shoes most of the time. He has nothing to worry about. He said he’s worried about what my friends say/think about him. I told him that everyone already likes him, cause he’s so nice. And they’re used to me dating douchebags. Granted, they have reason to think that. My track record from the past year kind of shows that: Brohamster, the Cop, ATC, the Marine. All varying types of d-bags. With the exception of the Drywaller, all the guys since my High School Sweetheart have been d-bags. It’s time that I date a nice guy. I’m really, truly, completely out of my “bad boy” phase. And New Marine is the perfect nice guy.

He told me about jobs he can apply to transfer into which would take him to California. I’m glad he’s not expecting me to move to North Carolina. No thank you! I mean, if I had to, I would. I’d just rather not. No offense to North Carolina. I hear there are some lovely beaches there. I just don’t want to leave California. We also talked about past relationships and stuff. He told me how his ex-wife hurt him. I told him how the Brohamster hurt me. We agreed to not hurt each other. I guess I just need to remember that he’s not the Brohamster: when he’s not returning my texts, it’s because he’s genuinely busy or unable to, it’s not cause he’s hooking up with other chicks. He told me that he thinks about me all the time, and I’m always on his mind, even when he’s with his friends. Even if he can’t text me back right away. He also said that he loves calling me before he goes to bed, cause he likes to hear my voice before bed. I should crack open a bottle of wine to go along with that cheese! I’m eating it up! He also said that when we live close to each other, if he’s ever out, he’d invite me with him. He could never think of a time he wouldn’t want me to be with him. I told him he’s allowed to have boy-time. He said he wouldn’t need it. Some people would be freaked out by that; I think it’s perfect, cause I’m the same way! I’m really worried that something is going to go wrong. I’m worried that he has some huge skeleton in his closet which is going to ruin everything, because so far he’s perfect. And I don’t believe that perfect really exists.

I dunno

The other night New Marine and I were talking, and he said that he would like me even if I gained a hundred pounds, cause he’s attracted to my mind and personality first and foremost. I told him that that was awesome, cause it gave me the go ahead to stop working out and start eating cake. Mmmm cake. I told him I was almost antagonistic to call his bluff. “I bet you WON’T like me if I gain 100 pounds.” But, then I realized that while I might win and be right, then I’d be 100 pounds bigger and single. That won’t do me any good. So, it sucks that I want to call b.s. on that, but really I can’t. It’s like the safest thing he could have ever said, cause he knows I won’t do it no matter how much I like cake.

But, lately I’ve been wondering if this whole “long distance” thing is really the right choice for me. It sucks. It really, really sucks. I mean, he’s 3 hours ahead. So, when I’m out of class at 6 and want to talk, he’s already going to bed. And when he wants to call me in the morning on the way in to work, I’m sleeping. And I will kill him if he wakes me up. Ok, that’s not necessarily true. I answer most times when he texts me between 2 and 8 a.m. Monday nights I silence my phone, cause I have to be up early for school, so I don’t want to be up even earlier with a phone call. And, I don’t want to tell him that, cause I don’t want him to stop calling at all. I mean, I do like waking up to good morning texts. They’re sweet. But, it just feels like him being far away really sucks. I mean, maybe it’ll be better after he comes out here, cause I’ll have memories. Right now it’s almost like he’s not real, cause we haven’t actually met. That makes it really hard to not start thinking about the Marine when I’m bummed about the distance with New Marine cause I have actual memories with him. I mean, I’m not saying I miss the Marine (ok, I do a little bit), I’m just saying it’s hard not to think of him when I’m not completely ecstatic with this current situation. New Marine is pretty awesome, don’t get me wrong. He’s attentive and sweet. (Though, I’m beginning to wonder if everything is on his time. I mean, he calls me when it’s convenient for me, or texts me when it’s convenient for him. Though, I can’t be mad that he has to go to bed early cause he has to get up early. But on Friday he went out and got wasted with his friend and called me at like 1am. I’m happy he’s calling, but it would have been way more convenient if he’d called me at 8pm when I was a) awake, b)coherent c) not prone to being annoyed that he was out getting wasted with his friends while I was at home in bed.) I dunno…maybe I’m just looking for a problem, since he seems otherwise perfect. Maybe I’m scared of finding a guy who could be perfect for me? Maybe I’m just antsy and fed up with waiting for it to be April 17th when he’ll be here!

drunk texts from a drunk guy

I get it Universe. I really, actually get it. I can say that and mean it. It’s rare that I can say it and mean it, but this time I actually do. I am worthy of being treated nicely. I get it. So last night I was going to bed when my phone announced that I had a new text message. (My phone actually talks to me, which I think is cool, but some people think it’s weird) “Message from ATC” it said. WHAT?! I haven’t talked to him in months. He must be drunk. Well, after he tells me that I need to “come to LA like now” (though, he used an “incorrect” spelling for “come”…tool). I replied “Wow, random drunk dial!” And he said “It’s not random, you need to move to Cali!” Ok. Now it makes sense. In his drunken stupor, he misdialed and texted me on accident. After a few texts of me explaining who I was and how I’m most likely not the intended recipient, he figured it out. Well, then he got all mad and said that I was in the wrong for what I last said to him, and how dare I blame him for things. I said “all I said to you was ‘I need to work on not being in unhealthy situations, and you need to focus on your baby’.” I mean, I guess I can maybe see how he thought I was calling him unhealthy. But, I meant the whole situation was unhealthy, and I was equally to blame for it. Talking to a guy who is sharing a house with his baby mama is not a situation I need to be a part of. I don’t need to beg someone for attention and take whatever he’ll give me. I deserve better. And, now I have better. Now I have New Marine who fawns all over me, and gives me more attention than I can handle. And, he’s not perverted or crass, cause he wants to make sure I know he respects me. He’s so sweet and thoughtful. That is what I deserve. Not a drunken party-boy who impregnates women he has no feelings for. I do miss talking to ATC at times, cause he was amusing. But, I have no desire at all to rekindle even a friendship with him. It’s just not worth it to me. I have good people in my life, and I’m keeping it that way. I’ve recently cut out a few people who I was once close with, just because it was too much drama knowing them. And then you hear stories about how they’re always talking behind your back. That’s just immature nonsense I don’t feel like dealing with. I love the people in my life. And yeah, sometimes we’re going to fight and disagree on things. But, when it’s a real friendship, you’re willing to move on and get over things. You’re willing to swallow your pride and talk about things. You’re willing to say “I’m sorry. Maybe I was out of line” or “I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings.” And when you really care about people you’re willing to say “It’s ok, let’s move on from here and be better for it.” That’s what I have with my family and my closest friends. That’s what I have with New Marine. I mean, we haven’t had any big blow-up yet, but I’m sure we will. And, I can just tell already that that’s how he’s going to be, because we already have a mutual respect for each other. And ATC can go send dirty texts to some other girl, cause I don’t want them.

gushing

New Marine and I have been talking about him coming out here for a visit. He’s in Sergeant school until April 16 (exactly 1 month from today). He wants to come immediately after! He could be here in a month!!!! I hope he comes as soon as he possibly can. I can’t wait to meet him! He said he’s going to stay for a while. I’m thinking that means like a week. I’m using that trip as motivation to start studying now so that I won’t be too stressed when he comes out here. That means this weekend will be devoted to outlining. Yay. At least this is my last semester of outlining! He’s said that while he’s out here he wants to see his family, and that he wants me to meet them too. He also understands that he’ll have to meet my friends and my family too. Crazy! Here’s the craziest thing of all: He’s never met his grandpa, who lives up near Santa Barbara. But, he wants to go up there to meet him, cause his grandpa is apparently very sick and is dying. I have been encouraging him to go meet his grandpa, as I don’t want him to regret not seeing him down the road. He wants me to go with him to be moral support. I told him that I would wait in the car while he goes in to meet his grandpa, as I don’t know that it would be appropriate for me to be there. But, if he wanted me to, I would. I just think it’s crazy that he wants me to go with him. He really likes me I guess. Not I guess. I know. We also had a talk about taking things slow. He said he wants to take it slow so that I know he respects me. He is worried about pressuring me. It’s kind of cute that he’s worried about that. He actually said “I really like you, so I don’t want to rush things.” I think that’s refreshingly nice!! I mean, that being said, he wants me to not see anyone else and I’m pretty much his girlfriend in all but name (I think it’d be a mistake to label anything before we met, cause what if we don’t actually get along?) I just think it’s sweet that he’s worried about things like that. I used to say I don’t like nice guys, but I think I was wrong. I think I can get used to a nice guy. He’s so thoughtful and sweet. But, he’s also tough and sarcastic. It’s a good mix. Oh, and here’s something else: I tried writing a letter to the Marine (the one who’s in Afghanistan) and I couldn’t do it. I didn’t know what to say and it was just awkward. I didn’t send it. I don’t think I’m sending him anymore letters. It just has to be over with him. I understand that now. The way he treated me was crappy. I get that. I justified it, cause I wanted to believe the best in him, the way I do with any guy that I dig. But, it’s time I put myself first. New Marine has taught me that. He talks to me all the time, every day. He shares his thoughts and emotions with me. He wants to make sure that I’m ok and that I’m having a good day. He wants to make me smile. Making me smile makes him smile, which is weird, cause that’s normally how I am. He’s not afraid of saying he wishes he were here to cuddle on the couch. Now, he also teases me too, which makes it not non-stop sappy. I really hope we get along when he gets out here! His birthday is coming up (April 7). I need to figure out what I’m going to do for him. I’m thinking I will get him a card and mail it, and then do something for him when he comes out here to visit. I just need to figure out exactly what that is. At least I have a little bit of time to figure that out. What does one get for the world’s sweetest pseudo-boyfriend who says that I’m the best present he could ever hope for?? *sigh* he’s so dreamy!

baby talk

I’ve come up with a new theory. Here it is: There are two types of girls. Those who use baby talk to their boyfriends, and those who do not. True, there are some girls who use it more annoyingly and incessantly than others, but they all belong in the same category. Baby talk users. Last night I was at the gym with It Girl and Mrs. Newlywed, and the subject of baby voice came up. When It Girl started making fun of it, I told her she had no room to talk, because just that very day she had used it. “But, I wanna know your itinerary. I want to see you on Sunday” she said to It Boy. I almost wanted to say “Use your big girl voice” but decided to keep that commentary to myself. (For those of us non-baby talkers, baby talk is like nails on chalk board.) Mrs. Newlywed said that every girl does it, which is funny, cause I would think she’d be the last person on earth to use it. In fact, I still don’t believe that she actually does. I’ve never heard anything close to baby talk come from her lips. But, if she’s a self-professed baby talker, then I guess I’ll have to take her word for it. I told them I never use it. Never. Ever. I would punch myself in the face if I spoke to my boyfriend that way. The only time I come close to using baby talk is when I’m talking to dogs. Or babies. But never my boyfriend. I can give a list of names as references to check that out. In fact, I told them that I was so certain that I never have/will that I told them I would pay them both $20 if they ever heard me do it. I just don’t do that. Maybe I’m guilty of using girlfriend voice, which is completely different from baby talk. Girlfriend voice is like a little softer and sweeter and lower. I don’t do that often. But, I know I do that occasionally. I think that’s acceptable. But, baby talk? Hell no. I’m not a big pet name person either. I don’t think I’ve ever referred to a boyfriend as “baby” or “babe” or “sweetie” or anything like that. It’s just not me. It’s way too cheesy. I have a feeling that New Marine is probably a pet name kind of guy. I wonder if I can make “dude” be his pet name? I’m going to convince him that that’s very sentimental. I’m crossing my fingers he won’t mind if I merely refer to him by his name. I guess we’ll see. But in the meantime, I just wanted to memorialize my promise to It Girl and Mrs. Newlywed, as I am THAT certain that I will never ever ever ever use baby talk to my man. Game on.

irrational

Women have it pretty tough. We are the ones who have to have babies. We have to fight harder in the work place for equality and respect. We have to stay in shape and look hot to keep the attention of men. We have to have brains and talent while also knowing how to cook a casserole and iron a shirt (Ok, I don’t know how to either cook a casserole or iron. That could be why I’m still single.) We have a lot of hard responsibilities. I’d like to know why the Universe (or God, if you will. It Girl gets made when I replace “God” with “Universe”, even though I mean it in the same way) thought it was a good idea to add another hardship upon us. Every month, girls go crazy. Something hormonal happens, and it’s like we lose sense of reason. “Give me chocolate or I will MURDER you for looking at me!” We know what we’re doing. We know we’re being ridiculous. We know we wouldn’t normally cry over the sappily sentimental Campbell’s soup commercial, but we can’t help it. In fact, we say that very thing. “I know I’m being ridiculous. But, I’m PMS-ING!” It’s our excuse. The thing is: it’s not an excuse! We really can’t control the emotional roller coaster. And, I hear it gets worse when we’re knocked up! My best friend, Mrs. Brit, is having a baby any second now. I talked to her the other day, and she said she literally threw a temper tantrum. It was a full on foot stomping, I’d-better-get-my-way tantrum. And you know what it was over? She wanted a cookie and a coke, but they didn’t have any. Her wonderfully patient and devoted husband ran immediately to the store to get her a box of cookies and 2 2-liter bottles of coke. Tantrum quashed. The point is, she knew that she was behaving like an illogical child, but she couldn’t help it. Why, Mother Nature, must you torment us so? Why can’t we be sane and logical all the time, and men be the ones who overreact? I guess maybe it’s easier to be the person having the hormonal roller coaster ride than being the one who has to deal with it or bear the brunt of it. But, still. Wouldn’t like be easier if there were no hormonal overreactions or sensitivities? Oh, and forget about when a couple girls on the same cycle are in the same room. You’d better run for cover!

Here’s the reason for my recent insight: I may have overreacted with New Marine. He started this 6-week class this week. It’s called Sergeant School, or something like that, and he has to go through it to get promoted. He has to be there at 6am, and is busy all day. He had to run and work out for like an hour and a half, and then be stuck in class the rest of the day. By the end of the day, he’s super tired. I’m super supportive of him, and excited that he’s going through this. I offered to help him in any way possible. I said that when I was rational. All week he was good about still texting me when he had breaks or at the end of the day. I was with my parents and didn’t get good phone reception at their house, so it was hard to have an actual phone conversation. Thursday we talked for a while, but I cut the conversation short so he could get back to studying. I figured we had the weekend to talk. Friday I was at Disneyland with It Couple (I HEART DISNEYLAND!!) and I called him while I waited as they went on a ride. He was asleep. It was 7pm his time. Poor guy. Saturday morning he texted me like clockwork. He was stressed about studying. We texted periodically throughout the day. I told him I’d be around whenever he wanted that night for a Skype date. That date never happened. He texted me something about watching tv, and I lost it. Ok, I didn’t get like really mad. But, I was bummed. He’s too busy to talk to me, but he has plenty of time to watch TV and play on Facebook? I played the passive-aggressive role, and he could sense through my texts I was upset about something. Then he asked if I wanted to Skype, and I told him he should just go to bed. He agreed with me. Wrong answer! This poor guy stands no chance when I’m hormonal! Again, I wasn’t yelling at him or anything. I just told him I was bummed that he couldn’t make time for me. Yeah, while I was texting that to him, I knew that he’d actually texted me all day and talked to me a lot. I realized the irrationality of my actions. But still. I want it all. In my defense, it’s hard being in a “long distance relationship.” I mean, not that we necessarily are, but kind of. I’m not going to see anyone else until I meet him. So, I mean, are Skype dates really that much to ask for??

Cut to this morning. He texts me “good morning, beautiful :)”. I respond all passive-aggressive again. It Girl comes over to study with me, and I fill her in on everything. She agrees that maybe he just doesn’t get it and that I should talk to him. She thought his excuse was BS too. He said he knew I was studying and didn’t want to interrupt me. I pointed out that I always dropped whatever I was doing to talk to him. I make time for him whenever he wants it. So, it’s not like I wouldn’t have paused my Community Property studying to talk to him. (hmmm, did the double negative work there? I almost confused myself there. I would have paused.) He said he was trying to be considerate. I think he was just exhausted and being lazy. But, is talking to me really that hard? I guess it is if he’s tired. In my rational head, I know this. In my PMS-ing/hormonal head, I was bummed. He hurt my feelings. Maybe on a normal day I wouldn't even think twice, but in this case, I was real bummed out. In law there's a term called Eggshell Plaintiff, which means if you cause an accident with a really sensitive or fragile person who gets hurt really bad, when a normal person wouldn't have, you still have to deal with what you get. I'm like the Eggshell Girlfriend. Sometimes I'm especially sensitive and fragile, and if you hurt me, then you have to deal with it. Lucky boy.* Oh! And! I can’t even have chocolate to make me feel better, cause I gave it up for Lent! I blame my irrationality on that! Well, after talking to It Girl, I was able to gain some perspective, and I realized that I needed to just tell him what was wrong. He apologized for making me feel like he didn’t have time for me, and explained that he was just busy with the class all week and tired. I told him that I understand he’s busy during the week, but that I’d appreciate it if he could try to make time to have actual conversations on the weekend. He said he’d make more time for me all around. And then all day today he texted me. Right up until 7pm (my time) when he went to bed. He really is just the sweetest thing. He keeps talking about how excited he is to come out here. I’m pretty excited too. I just need to remember to keep the crazy in check next month: I don’t know how often he’ll put up with me being irrational and sensitive.

*This all makes sense as to why I date Marines, or other macho men: I need someone who can actually handle me. A real mans man who can take me on. Sissy boys need not apply. I should have been a cavewoman. The caveman would just hit me on the head and drag me around. I guess Marines are as close to cavemen as one gets.

Decisions

Decisions are hard. Sometimes the right answer is obvious, but often times it takes a little more soul searching. And by soul searching, I mean going to friends and asking them what to do, and letting them make the decision for me. Here’s an example of a recent easy decision: FireCop texted me about a week after we went out. Don’t get too excited. He texted me on a Thursday night at like 11pm. I think he was wasted. Can we say booty call? He told me to drive over to his house to hang out. Yeah, that decision was easy. I said no. I don’t care if he’s a hot fireman/cop. I’m not going to drive to his house at 11pm on a Thursday when he’s drunkenly texted me after showing me no attention all week. Easy decision. Ok, well, he was hot and a fireman/cop, so I guess it wasn’t that easy of a decision to make. But, I knew after about 5 seconds that it was the right decision. I told him if he really wanted to hang out to text me the next day. I never heard back from him. Shocker, I know! Here’s an example of a recent hard decision: I have a good buddy who is a Marine. He texted me today to tell me that he wants to set me up with a marine buddy of his who lives in San Diego. He told me he’d already talked to his buddy and had his buddy look me up on facebook and that the buddy wanted to meet me this weekend. I looked his buddy up on facebook too. He’s super hot. Like really, really hot. Like a month ago I would have been in my car driving down to San Diego already to meet him hot. But, it’s not a month ago, and here’s where the decision comes in. I really like New Marine. He is exactly what I’m looking for in a guy. He’s attentive and he appreciates things in me that a lot of guys don’t. (my randomness, my time-consuming-ness, etc.) He’s sweet and funny. But he’s far away. So the problem is: do I hold out for someone I don’t really know? I mean, I feel like we talk so much that I do know him. I don’t foresee it not going well when we meet in person. But it could. He’s supposed to come out in April. (Though I kind of wish he’d come out in May instead, cause I’ve been thinking about it, and it would be nice if he were here for graduation. But, on the off chance it doesn’t go well, it could ruin my graduation experience.) I just feel guilty talking to other guys right now. I really like New Marine. I don’t know if I like him enough to turn down the Marine when he gets back from Afghanistan, but it’s getting there. I know that I like him enough to turn down meeting new guys. I know he’s not meeting other girls. Or interested in meeting other girls. He’s told me as much. And yeah, maybe he’s just saying that, but I believe him. (I can picture certain friends rolling their eyes now, and getting ready to lecture me about how I have to learn how to play the field and that I can’t believe guys, but I do. And, I’m not good at playing the field. I’m a date 1 guy at a time kind of girl. I don’t think I can change that no matter how hard I try, or how much I want to. But, to be honest, I don’t really want to. I like the way I am.) I told my friend that it’s just too crazy right now with school, and that maybe I could meet his buddy later on down the road. I mean, it’s smart to keep back-ups just in case, right? Man that was a tough decision though. Did I mention how hot the guy in San Diego is??

orange peels

New Marine might be the perfect guy for me. I texted him on Sunday to tell him that I peeled an entire orange in one piece, cause I was super excited about that. (That’s a really hard thing to accomplish!) And he thought that was super cute. Then later at night I told him that the hardest thing about liking someone far away is that I can’t do cute things for him (like make him dinner, or give him special little presents just because I was thinking about him, or make his lunch for him). And he responded “well, getting cute texts about you peeling an orange in one piece is fine enough for me. I really am impressed by that.” Someone who appreciates my randomness like that is a keeper in my book!