insecure girls

I have a question, blog. Why do girls try to hurt, scare, intimidate each other? I guess it stems down to insecurity. If you are insecure, then you feel threatened. If you feel threatened, then you lash out. I don’t think I’m like that. I don’t blame girls when my dude strays. (well, unless the chick knew about me and still pursued something with my guy. Then I blame them both.) One of my best girlfriends just had a situation with a guy friend. His on-again off-again girlfriend made him end their friendship. And, then the girl sent my friend the meanest email I’ve ever read. It all stems down to her insecurity, which she’s taking out on my friend. She feels threatened cause my friend is hot and cool and a professional. The girlfriend is none of those things, and she feels that the boyfriend will want to be with my friend. What she fails to realize is that my friend isn’t interested in the dude. But, because she was insecure, the friendship is over. That’s kind of sad. I personally had my own awkward girl encounter tonight at the gym. I went to the gym tonight to try to get a third day in. I’ve decided to kick up my routine. But, I didn’t feel like waiting around for a class, so I just went on the treadmill. While on the treadmill, my gym boy kept pretending to kick me and other little things like that, playing around while I worked out. After I finished, we started talking. Somehow we started talking about music, which led to him showing me his music collection on his iphone. This led me to see that he liked Dethklock, which got us to talking about Metalocalypse. Then, he showed me all these clips on his phone, which he made me listen to. Then he had me watch an entire episode on his phone. I ended up staying there for like an hour with him. Well, cut to the end and how I left. So, the work phone rings, and he goes outside to take the phone call so he can hear. I’m there at the front desk talking to the other dude. Well, then the other dude’s fiancée walks in. Now, whenever I encounter a girlfriend, I want to be nice to her so she doesn’t feel like I’m moving in on her territory. This girl doesn’t know me. To her, I’m just some chick at the gym talking to her man. So, I smile and try to be friendly. She doesn’t even acknowledge my existence. Literally, she doesn’t even look at me. She goes out of her way to ignore me. So, then gym boy comes back inside. The fiancée says “Hey Player. What do you have lined up tonight.” He said “Oh, not much. Just working.” She says “I thought you had a date.” He says “Oh yeah.” She says “Well, tell me about this girl. What are you going to do?” I don’t remember what he says aside from beer pong, cause now I’m feeling awkward. And, he’s all tense and you can tell he feels awkward. He’s not looking at me either. I wanted to leave, but thought that may be awkward. So, I just stood there feeling dumb. Then the girl says “I want to see what she looks like. Do you have pictures?” He says “Yeah, I have some pictures.” Which leads me to wonder if he met her online, or how he has pictures of her. Maybe he facebook stalked her. The girl says “Let me see.” So, Gym Boy pulls up pictures on his phone and shows them to her. I’m standing right next to him, so I see. Though, he tried to tilt it away from me so I couldn’t. The girl is a total blond bombshell. Real pretty, long, straight blond hair with huge fake boobs (which you could tell cause she was wearing a really low cut shirt). Wow, that’s my competition? I guess I can’t help but think that if he likes a girl like that, he definitely isn’t interested in me. I’m like the 180 degree opposite of this chick. So, then the fiancée leaves so she can change, cause she was taking the next class, which I was going to stay for. But, then I felt so awkward and had no idea what to do. So, I say that I’m taking off and I’ll see them tomorrow at class. Gym Boy says “Oh, you’re leaving?” I wanted to say “Am I supposed to entertain you until you leave for your date?!” but I said yeah. And then I say “Good luck tonight” cause what else am I supposed to do? At this point, it’s for sure that we’re just gym buddies, so I may as well try to save face and play it off. When I say that, he looks down all awkwardly. The other gym guy gives me a high five and says goodbye and that he’ll see me tomorrow. I dunno. It was real awkward. It just seemed like a bitchy, spiteful thing to do. I mean, the fiancée sees that there’s a girl there talking to him, yet she acts like that? That was pointless. I wasn’t even really talking to her man. But, at least it made me realize that getting involved with a dude at my gym would be a really dumb idea. I’m there to work out, not date.

want him back

So I’ve been talking to TB a lot lately. I know that’s not conducive to me moving on. But, I can’t help it. We talk all day every day. We email each other all day while we’re both at work. And then we text all night. On weekends we text all day. We’re not back together. I don’t know if this means we’ll ever get back together. It just means that I really, really like talking to him. A lot. It means I like having him in my life. It means that I’m hoping eventually he’ll realize that he needs to stop freaking out, and just get his ass back to California so we can be together. He’s getting out of the Marine Corps soon. I’m not exactly sure yet, as he doesn’t know. But, soon. The sucky part is that he has this “getting out of the Marines” class he has to take Oct 13-15. My 30th birthday is the 15th. His class is in North Carolina. My birthday will be in Cali. We can’t be together on my birthday. He said that he would have been there if he could. I don’t know if that’s true, but I’m not going to question it. I’ll just take it for what it is: a very sweet sentiment. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do after the Corps. He’s thinking maybe he’ll move to New York with his dad. He knows that I want him out here. I don’t want to pressure him too much though. I told him that I will support his decision no matter what it is. He needs to make decisions and figure things out. And, I need to wait patiently and hope he figures out what is so painfully obvious to me: that we belong together! And in the meantime, I’m going to talk to other guys. That’s a chance he is going to have to take. He knows I’m making a real effort to move on. I’ve not kept any of that secret. In fact, I’m being real open about it, because I want him to know. Well, maybe not completely honest. Like, I didn’t tell him that today I saw firemen in our parking lot go to the coffee shop across the street. Or, that I then ran to said coffee shop to try to see the firemen, but that I waited a bit too long and missed them. Or, that after I missed the firemen, I did run into a really hot cop. Or, that at the gym tonight, I spent about 45 minutes openly flirting with one of the boys who works at the gym. Unabashed, open flirting. TB doesn’t need to know the specifics. That’d just be mean. He just needs to know that there’s a chance he’ll lose me if he doesn’t act fast enough. The boy at the gym is real cute. He’s 29. I thought he was 24. Not to say that he’s real immature, but, he’s real immature. He’s a ton of fun though. He gets kind of silly around me. We threatened to punch each other like 23 times tonight. Yes. We are flirting like 7 year olds. He would pull my pigtails if I wore them. Actually, I think I may test that theory on Thursday and literally wear pigtails to see what happens. Five bucks say he pulls my pig tails before I leave. Gym Boy is totally not my type. He’s tall and real muscular, and really into working out. I don’t like big guys. I like skinnier, lean dudes. TB is lean. He’s real cut. But, he doesn’t look like he’s suffering from roid rage. He has the perfect body. TB is perfect in every way. Well, every way but the way that he’s not with me. I’m working on fixing that small imperfection. We’ll see who gives in quicker. I’m really, really hoping it’ll be him. I’m just picturing the awesome life that would be if he was out here. I dunno, it’d just be all around awesome. I’m just hoping he’ll see it soon enough. I know this roadblock is just in his head. He just needs to realize that. I think he could easily find himself in California, as he could in New York. And, he’d get tan while finding himself. And have me around. That’s like a win-win-win-win. Well, maybe just 3 wins. And in the meantime, maybe I’ll just continue with my flirty gym boy. Not like I’d actually date the gym boy anyway. I need to continue working out. And, with my track record, it wouldn’t last anyway. Better to just keep it flirty and fun and not actually act out on anything.

Over Burbank

I guess I should stop getting excited about a date or a new guy until we're at the altar and he's saying "I do." It seems pointless to have any faith in things working out until that point in time. What, bitter? Me? No! Ok, maybe just a bit. I heard from Burbank a couples times. And then...nothing. I just don't get it. I mean, we had a great time. He didn't seem to ever want to leave. It was like a 12 hour date! Wouldn't that seem to indicate that he's having fun and wants to hang again? And then I did hear from him a few times. I just don't get it. I can honestly say that it's not helping me be less bitter. I mean, I'm not upset about him. I didn't know him enough to really care if we ever did hang out again or not. I would have liked to hang out with him again, but I'm over it. What I'm bummed about is getting excited and having my hopes up that maybe this guy could be cool. And then, boom. Disappointment. It sucks. But, the alternative is sucky too: being alone. Ugh. The one thing that makes it better is that good friends step in to make it better. I hung out with The Adorables on Thursday, and without missing a beat, Mr. Adorable said "I didn't like him either. He was wearing a purple shirt." Apparently, boys should wear a more "macho" colored shirt on a first date. Stick to your blacks, blues, whites. But not purple. I thought he'd looked nice. But, I also thought he'd call, so what do I know? At least this time I'm not blaming myself or tearing myself apart. I think he just wasn't feeling it enough to want to invest in a long distance thing. Burbank to Orange County is quite a distance. It's not a fun drive. The 5 sucks! I think you'd really have to dig someone to commit to that. I don't know that I would have committed to that. I think I'm putting dating on hold for a while now. I mean, this weekend coming up, I have a wedding to go to, which will keep me busy, cause I offered to help set up and run errands and things. Then, in just under 3 weeks, it's my 30th birthday. That's an awkward time to start dating someone. And, as much as it kills me that I'll be alone on my 30th birthday, it's probably better than just starting with someone. I may invite the cute boys from my gym. Have I mentioned them already? The two managers at my new gym are absolutely adorable and so much fun. I always end up hanging out and chatting with them for like an hour (like half hour before and after class). And they mentioned hanging out. I found one of them on facebook and discovered that he is my age. I totally thought he was way younger. I guess part of the fun motivator to going to the gym is getting to hang out with my new friends there. Well, that, and I just absolutely love my new gym. My knuckles are slightly cut up from boxing, but that's a small price to pay. I need to start going more so I can try to lose a few pounds for my bday. I guess I should also consider eating healthier. For lunch today, I had Ruffles potato chips and onion dip. Maybe not the healthiest decision, but it was delish! And, I may as well enjoy eating what I want now, cause I hear it's all downhill after 30. Guess I'll find out soon enough!

Success with Burbank

I may have broken my streak of bad dates. I don’t want to get too excited, but I had an awesome date on Saturday. So, Burbank and I have been talking for about 3 weeks now. He was the one I liked the most, but we didn’t seem able to make a plan to hang out. It doesn’t help that he lives an hour away from me. Still closer than my last boyfriend, but still. Pretty far. He’s been a lot of fun to talk to, so I was kind of excited to meet him. But, I was also prepared to be let down. We decided to hang out on Saturday and watch the USC football game (go Trojans!!), even though he’s not a USC fan. Actually, he’s an avid USC hater. But, he still decided to drive down to me to watch the game. I think that any date where I can drink beer and wear tennis shoes is a good date. He called me about 45 minutes before we met, and said he was stuck in horrible traffic. But, I thought it was nice he gave me so much advanced notice. He ended up being about an hour late. But, I couldn’t even be mad, since he was driving and stuck in traffic. I mean, if it were me, I would have anticipated traffic and left super early just to be sure I wasn’t late. But, not everyone is me. So I’ll let that slide. He was instantly adorable. I felt immediately attracted to him. I was also real awkward and nervous, cause that’s how I am when I like a dude. We end up chatting for about an hour and a half at this bar, when, who should show up but The Adorables?! Ok, well, I planned it with them. Whatever. I was still happy to see them. He wasn’t thrilled that I had invited my friends. But, he’ll get over that. Or, I’ll get over him. Those are the choices. We ended up hanging out with The Adorables for the rest of the night. We had a couple drinks at the first dive bar. But, then it filled up with older people (like, my parents age people) to listen to a bad of older guys play. I was digging the music, but we ended up leaving. We then went to the Yard House and had dinner. While at dinner, Mr. Adorable and I had a chugging contest, which I almost won! Burbank was actually really impressed. What can I say, I’m a classy girl. So then we decide to go to my favorite dive bar of all dive bars for more drinks. I should have known better at this point. I kept giving him the option to leave, but he didn’t seem to want to. Ms. Adorable was even grilling him, and he didn’t want to leave. I felt bad she was grilling him (and secretly stoked that she was) and so she started grilling me on his behalf. You know “when was your last relationship”, “what are you looking for,” etc. We ended up playing pool for a couple hours. He thought it was a good idea if he and Ms. Adorable were on a team, and me and Mr. Adorable were on a team, so I could taunt him, and Ms. And Mr. Adorable could taunt each other. It was a great idea!! He started getting cutely affectionate: little hugs, holding my hand, etc. It was cute that he felt comfortable like that in front of my friends. He and Mr. Adorable hit it off. I think my plan worked, and having them there worked out so well! We ended up hanging out til pretty late. I don’t think he got home til 3am. We stayed at the dive bar til almost closing, and then I had to take him to his car. He texted me when he got home (which I didn’t get til the next day. Oops) and said that his phone had died so he had to wait 5 minutes for it to charge so he could tell me he had a good time. So cute!! But, then I didn’t hear from him yesterday. I’m not giving up hope. I think he’s just playing it cool. I’m really, really hoping to hear from him tonight. But, I’m not going to call/text him. He has to still contact me. I’m being so good, even though it’s so hard!! But, if he wants to call me, he will. And in the meantime, I just have to focus on other things, and see what happens. I’ll be bummed if he doesn’t call, but it won’t be the end of the world. Of course, I’m also already planning on him being at my birthday party in less than a month. So…he’d better call.

In N Out

I consider myself to be a pretty low key chick. I like dive bars and Coors Light. I prefer sneakers to heels. I prefer jeans to formal attire. I like playing pool on a first date. I don’t even want oysters and caviar. I’m pretty down to earth. That being said, I do have my limits. Today I had a first date with a guy I have been talking to on eharmony. He’s an Army Officer. Ok, he’s in the military and he’s educated. I’ve had bad luck with the USMC, maybe Army is better for me. He and I have been talking for a few days, and he seems pretty cool. He’s kind of quiet, but he gives me a lot of attention. This seems like a good start. He asked me if we could meet up today for lunch. I said sure. Yesterday I asked where he wanted to meet. He joked that we would go to a taco truck. Then he suggested In N Out. I was with my girlfriend Veggie Punk Rock Girl, so I asked her if that was a joke. Fast food on a first date? I responded something about how I heart In N Out, so I could see if it was a joke o if he was serious. I do heart In N Out. I mean, it’s the best burger ever, so how could you not?? He responded that we’d meet at 12 at an In N Out by me. Ok, I guess he’s not joking. Well, I’m down for that. I mean, it’s no pressure. Very low key. Fine. I get there today at 12. Well, I’m always early, so I got there at like 10 til. I texted him to say I was there and waiting outside. He responded he was almost there. He showed up about 15 minutes later. He was 5 minutes late. Strike. He was shorter than I thought, and not as cute as I’d hoped. But, I still wasn’t going to write him off, cause maybe he is really cool. We go in to order. He lets me step up first. I order my burger animal style. The guy asks if that’s all. I don’t say anything. I’m waiting for Army Officer to order. He just stands there, not saying anything. “Um, that’s it?” I say as more of a question. Army Officer still doesn’t say anything. I hand over my credit card and pay for my meal. I get my order and my number. He then orders his meal. Um, it’s a first date. At a fast food joint. And you can’t pay for my burger?? I don’t expect a guy to pay for everything, but are you serious? I have to admit, I was immediately turned off, and just couldn’t wait to get out of there. We ate and chatted. That was like pulling teeth. He was so quiet. I was practically begging him to tell me stories and stuff. It's like, your job is to play war games for the United States Army. You HAVE to have things to talk about, stories to tell. Come on, dude! The entire date lasted 45 minutes. I thanked him for a great time and got in my car and sped off. I’m beginning to think that there is no right guy out there for me. I’m three for three as far as bad dates go. I’m getting tired of even trying. I mean, it wasn’t even worth getting changed out of my pjs and not watching tv with my dad.

Sexy?

I had the greatest experience of my life yesterday! So, last week, on a whim, I decided to join a boxing gym. Well, I wasn’t sure if I was going to join, so I signed up for a free class. I looked forward to the class all weekend. I could barely contain myself during work yesterday. I was literally giddy with excitement. I grew up in karate. I did it for about 8 years. I was close to getting my black belt when I stopped for several years. Then I had a few medical issues which kind of kept me away. I thought maybe a boxing gym would give me the same happiness which karate brought me so many years ago. I went to the gym early yesterday as I was told to. I walked in and checked in with the guy at the front desk. I was slightly intimidated by the two muscley dudes at the front desk. But, I decided to just go with it. I told them how excited, yet nervous, I was. The guys were real cool and kind of explained everything for me. One of the guys wrapped my hands with the hand wrap things, and made a joke about me being a ninja. He walked me over and introduced me to the instructor. I chatted with a couple girls in the class, explaining how uncontrollably excited I was. I think I smiled way too much for a boxing gym. The class was amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever sweat so much in my entire life!! I’ve also never felt so at home in an exercise class. I just felt like I belonged there, punching the stuffing out of these 150lb bags. I haven’t felt more at ease with life than I did during that class!

After the class, the boy at the front desk offered to spar with me. I told him I’d have to raincheck that, cause I could barely stand. He hooked me up with so much stuff! He gave me $120 worth of free membership, free use of gloves, free hand wraps, and a free glove key chain. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was flirting with me. I think he was just amused that I was so awkward and giddy compared to the normal people who frequent a boxing gym. I was sweaty and smelly. My hair was a mess. I could barely stand. I doubt he was flirting with me. And, I mean, it’s a boxing gym. That’s not exactly sexy for a girl. Sexy is yoga, or pole dancing classes. Strip tease classes. I don’t think punching a bag for an hour is sexy for a girl. It’s sexy to watch a guy do it. But not a girl. It’s like the opposite of feminine. Although, I’ve been talking a lot to this Army Officer and he was kind of excited about this class. He asked if I would drink beer and watch UFC with him. I told him that of course I would. But, is that a good thing? I mean, is the girl you want to watch UFC with the girl you want to date, or the girl you want to drink beers with until you go find your yoga, stretchy hottie? It doesn’t matter either way. I won’t trade boxing for anything! I’ve finally found something that makes me excited about life, and makes me feel normal! I called TB right after to tell him how stoked I was, and he said he could tell how happy I sounded. I was happy. Really, really happy!

World's Most Horrible Date

I sent an email to a buddy of mine recapping the World's Most Horrible Date that I had on Friday. The email was pretty funny, so I decided to just cut and paste into my blog.

So, I thought maybe you'd enjoy a quick anecdote about the worst first
date in the history of first dates. One of the dudes I was talking to
on eharmony asked for my number. Our first (only) phone call was
Wednesday. It was more like an interview than a flirty conversation.
He asked why I was on eharmony, what I was looking for, what I wanted,
etc. He proceeded to tell me about all of his dates gone wrong.
Awkward all around. We decided to go bowling on Friday. I love
bowling, although I'm horrible. I thought that this guy may get
points for being original. Those were the only points he got.

Friday rolls around, and I just don't want to go. That's never a good
sign. But, I forced myself to not cancel and actually go. I went to
the fancy bowling alley (he would have gotten more points from me if
it had been a regular bowling alley full of bowling league people,
rather than a trendy alley. But, I digress) to meet him. I was
early, as usual, and waited for him out front. When he walked up, I
immediately knew I wasn't attracted to him and never would be. But, I
stifled my desire to run away and decided to give him a chance. We
went inside and decided to grab a drink first. I got a Coors Light,
cause I'm a classy girl. He ordered a martini with four olives. Um.
Yeah. So we sit at the bar talking. He proceeds to tell me about
girls he's dated. Girls he's worked with. Girls who liked him. His
24 year old girl roommate. The Hawaiian Tropics model he worked with
who he treated like shit, cause that's how you should treat beautiful
women so they don't get cocky. His bachelor pad. His car collection.
The three books he's written. That he's a butt man and once dated a
chick with huge boobs and she was self-conscious cause she knew he was
a butt man, so he'd be like "Come here baby, it's ok. I like your big
boobs too." Oh, and he told me that I'd reach my sexual peak at 31,
and would want to do it all the time. Thinking back on it now, as I
write this all out, I don't know how I didn't run away screaming!

I decided that I didn't want to bowl, cause I didn't want to prolong
the date. To be fair, I also didn't want to chance that he would
touch me at all or look at my butt when I bowled. So, we just sat at
the bar. He kept trying to get closer, and I kept backing away. Then
he asked if I wanted to go sit in these other lower sofa-esque chairs.
I said I was fine at the bar. I think it was at that point that he
figured out that he wasn't going to get anywhere with me. So he says
"I think we should just call it a night." I nearly jumped out of my
seat. He left a full martini. I think it was quite possibly the
worst date in the history of dates. Ever. It was so horrible I
haven't even been able to blog about it. I just wanted to push the
whole thing out of my mind. But, I thought you may appreciate the
horribleness, cause it is pretty funny in retrospect. And, this email
turned out funnier than I intended, so it may just become my blog
entry.