uh........

I was going to not update until after the bar, but something amazing happened that I had to share with everyone. No, it has nothing to do with Mr. Hottie Hot Hot. Though, I am seeing him again on Saturday for a pre-BAR breather. We’ve been talking this week, and he’s just adorable. It’s weird, cause he doesn’t text me as often as a lot of other guys, but I don’t even mind. I’m being really good about not texting him first and about giving space and not being needy. And he seems to be reacting well. I can’t wait til Saturday! Ok..but back to the amazing thing that just happened. So…I was home studying, and I get a text from TB saying that he was talking to his new girlfriend (oh, did I forget to mention he’s been dating a new girl for a while now. Must have met her RIGHT after we broke up. DBAG!!!) and he accidentally called her by my name. Ok, the bitter person in me found that hilarious, cause she dumped his lame ass. Rightly so! So, then he calls me and he asks if I’ll talk to her and explain that I’m his ex and we’re not hooking up and I live in California. Horrified, I say “F*&% you! No!” and hang up on him. He calls me a second time. “Please, will you just do this for me?” I repeat my earlier sentiments and wish I had a landline phone to slam down, cause pressing end, while rude, just isn’t as emphatic. He calls a third time, a few minutes later. The phone sounds weird, and I swear I heard a chick’s voice. I think he 3-way called me. He’s trying to trick me. “What do you want me to tell her, TB? That last week you told me you didn’t think it’d work out cause you couldn’t trust her and you wanted to work things out with me? TB? TB? Hello?” He hung up at some point during that. Oops! I don’t think that’s what he wanted me to tell her. My bad. But, um, don’t try to trick a bitter and pissed off lawyer. Where do I meet these guys?? How is this my luck?? This craziness makes me appreciate MH3 and his taking things slow. Maybe there’s something to be said for taking things slow afterall. Man!!

1st date with Mr. Hottie Hot Hot

Last night I had my first date with Mr. Hottie Hot Hot. I’m going to clarify that it was the first, because I sense there will be a second, and hopefully a third, fourth and fifth. Ok, so we decided to meet up for a drink around 9:30pm. I have been studying so much, and I thought it would be an awesome study break. I got a little lost on my way to the bar, but I eventually made it. And I beat him. He arrived about 10 minutes after I did. My buddy asked if he still had his red Camaro. Oh god. A red Camaro?? How cheesy!! My friend failed to mention that it was a classic red Camaro. A total classic muscle car. A hot, classic muscle car. I have such a muscle car/classic car fetish. So hot!!! I mean, there is nothing sexier when you can hear a guy’s car 5 minutes before you see it. Ok, so he waved as he drove by and he parked. He walks over and gives me a big hug. We go inside and find a table. It was loud cause there was a live band, but they were super good. We had a couple beers and talked for hours. Before I knew it, it was 1am. I had not planned on being out that late. Oops. But, he was so fun to talk to. And did I mention he was super hot?? I think he’s super photogenic, cause in real life, he was still super hot, but not like model-out-of-my-league hot like I was worried about. He was really nice and super funny. We both have a pretty sarcastic sense of humor, so that was awesome. I got super awkward of course. At one point, he moved to my side of the table and sat next to me. I got kind of rigid. I think he’s used o chicks throwing themselves at him, so he hopefully he liked that I wasn’t. The waiter was super flirty with me, so maybe he moved over to make it clear to him? I dunno. Ok, so we left at like 1am. He walked me to my car, which was sweet. We were standing there talking, and he moved his hand to grab my necklace so he could see it better (it was this long necklace that my sister got me- it’s a broach that’s real cool looking.) Ok, so he reaches for my necklace and I reflexively smacked his hand out of the way. I guess it’s a natural reflex that if a hand is coming towards my chest to smack it out of the way. He was like “I just wanted to see your necklace.” Awkward!!! So, we chat for a few more minutes and then I give him a hug goodbye. Just a sweet and friendly hug. I decided that I’m going to play this one by the books. No kisses on the first date. He was super sweet and respectful. I actually really appreciate that he didn’t try for more. He said that next time we hang out he’ll come down to my area and we can walk over to my favorite dive bar that I told him about. So, I thought it was a good sign that he made actual plans. Then, he said a couple times that he had fun and he’d call me. I told him that I hoped he did. He texted my buddy today to say that I was a cool chick and he was definitely going to see me again. He hasn’t called me yet, but I guess he’s just playing it cool. And I’m not going to call/text him. Again, I’m playing this one by the book! He can chase me. I’m worth it. That being said, I really, really hope he chases me. Did I mention that he’s a former Marine, is super hot, super hilarious and sweet, is really close to his family, and drives a SEXY muscle car?! I really hope he chases me. I’ll let him catch me.

weird...

A really weird thing just happened. It was my own fault really. I find myself in dumb situations, and instead of knowing how to get out of them, I kind of encourage them. So, I was texting with The Cop just now, and the subject of the Detective came up. He said he had a huge crush on her, but that she probably didn’t like him. I said he should make a move on her (what else am I supposed to say??). He said she wasn’t interested. I said that she thought of him like a brother, or at least that’s what she’s told me before. But, I said I’d ask her what she thought. (I don’t know why I said that either?!) So, I told her that he digs her. She’s so messed up over this other guy she just broke up with right now though that she can’t think beyond him. They still talk everyday and she took him out for his birthday a couple nights ago. She said she wanted to be friends, but then got mad when he said he’d been on a date. Of course she’d be mad. What girl wouldn’t? I think she’s saying she wants to be friends, cause she doesn’t know what else to do right now. So, then they talked yesterday and today. She is bummed cause it’s his family dinner tonight and he didn’t invite her. I kind of see why he wouldn’t. They’re not together anymore. That would be slightly weird. But, also being a girl, I would be upset too. So, she’s got that to focus on. She can’t think about other guys. She went on a date last week with a homicide detective who seems really, really cool. I actually really like the idea of him for her. I hope they date. He seems pretty cool. He’s closer to her age, and they dated a while ago when she was going through a messy divorce. He heard she was single again now and made a move. Manly. I dig that! She just told me that when her ex was at her house for his birthday she went through his phone and found a picture of a girl, so she took the camera card out of his phone!! She’s so crazy!! It’s really kind of amusing. I mean, I’ve looked through a guys phone before, but I’d never take the camera card! Then he knows you did. I guess he called and asked her if she did that and she denied it. It’s a good thing she’s a detective!!

So, anyway, I told her that the Cop digs her, and she seemed awkward too. Trying to convince me that he was just saying that, and he didn’t actually mean it. And that he still likes me. Um..no, he likes you. He just said exactly that. I know that we wouldn’t work out. But, it’s still a HUGE blow to the ego when a dude who used to be into you says he likes your friend and wants you to try to hook it up. But, I mean, whatever. Besides, he has access to lots of cops for me. So, maybe it’ll work out in my interest afterall. If we can be cool with each other and accept that even though we have a lot of fun together and it’s comfortable and easy to hang out, maybe we’re meant to be just friends. And maybe he’ll expose me to a whole new dating pool. Or, maybe it’s just weird. It could really go either way.

Right now I’m sitting in a public library trying to study for this dumb test. I’m lacking all motivation! I’m so easily distracted. It’s horrible. There’s a boy sitting on the other side of the table from me. He was here last weekend too. He left a little while ago and then came back and sat at my table. We keep awkwardly looking at each other and then looking away. I’m so horrible at this game!! I’m thinking maybe I’ll ask him to watch my stuff while I go make a phone call, cause at least that will get us talking. At first, I thought I’d ask him to watch my things while I use the restroom, but how UNSEXY is that?? A phone call is a much better idea. Or, I’ll just ignore him and continue studying. I guess that’s the responsible idea. Boring!!

breaking news...

Mr. Hottie Hot Hot just texted me after silence for 2 weeks. I'd prepared to write him off, though my friend who is trying to set us up told me that he must be busy with this training cause he hadn't heard from him either, and that I needed to be patient. So, at 1:36pm today, I received a text from him. I wasn't expecting it. I was texting with The Comic at the time about a girl he went on a first date with last night, and in between 2 texts from him, it said "Message from Mr. Hottie Hot Hot." Ok, that's not actually what it said, cause he's listed according to his name in my phone. SO he texted me "I just got out of the field after being there for 2 weeks. Some 4th of July for me and my classmates, haha. How's your last 2 weeks been?" So, it was cute and explained the absence and asked a question so I have something to respond to. I figure I have 2 options: a) I write back "I'M SO GLAD TO HEAR FROM YOU!! I MISSED YOU!! I LOVE YOU!!" or b) I'm gonna wait for a while and play it cool and write him back something kind of casual yet friendly. I guess I'll go with option B. Option A would lead to a better blog, but I think I'm still going to go with option B. Waiting to text him isn't a game. It's letting him know that I'm a busy person and he's not my priority. He has to work to be my priority. I'm glad I have ye olde blog to write in to ward off my desire to text him back immediately!

3 hot paramedics walk into a store...

Why am I so bad at dating?? Or at flirting?? Or at anything remotely game related?? So, this morning I ran out to get a birthday card for the Newlyweds, since it’s their joint birthday party today. I went to CVS cause it’s across the street and actually has an amazing card selection (CVS, feel free to sponsor me since I’m giving you a shout out here). Anyway, so I’m there with wet hair cause I just showered (go me) and in my warm up pants and a law school sweatshirt, cause that’s basically all I’ve been wearing while studying. I think I’ve almost forgotten how to wear real clothes. So, when I’m parking, I see three hot paramedics walk into CVS. I’m stoked. I decide not to stalk them though, but can’t help but wonder where they are in the store. I glance at the snack aisle, but they’re not there. I don’t want to look down the medicine or diapers aisles, cause that’d be a bummer. I definitely don’t look down the make-up aisles, cause I wouldn’t want to see them there. I go to the card aisle, and there they are! Two are looking at this hilarious card, so I laugh and say “that card is pretty funny.” It was an “action” card where this little dog humps a guys leg. It’s not like I stood there reading over their shoulders. Awkward. So, one of the guys is like “Oh yeah, look at this one.” It was really funny. So, then he says it’s funny but you’d probably have to an inside joke to make it worth it. (he seemed nervous to be talking to me too) I said “My friends are big pervs, so they’d think it was funny.” Sorry to Mr. and Mrs. Newlywed for throwing you under the bus, but it was a kneejerk reaction, and like I said, I’m a horrible flirt. So, then I tell the guy “It’s 7 dollars. I don’t know if it’s 7 dollars funny though. Maybe 5 dollars funny.” And he says “Oh man! That is expensive.” But then the older of the 3 come up and he gets all shy and quiet. And then they walk away, not sure where they went. So, I take my two cards and go to check out. I see them walking out. And then they stop near the door talking and look over. I’m prideful enough to think they were talking about me. So, they leave. Then I pay and leave, as they’re walking back from their paramedic truck. I’m nervous and don’t make eye contact. But, then two of them at different times look back at me. They go to the hardware store next to CVS. I get in my car and leave. But, then I decide to Evel Knievel it and make this crazy U-Turn and go back to the parking lot. I go into the hardware store hoping to run into them. A kid who works there and asks if I need help finding anything. Instead of saying “Yeah, can you help me find 3 hot paramedics” I say “Can you tell me where the nails are located?” For some reason, nailing was the first thing that popped into my head upon seeing 3 paramedics. Go figure. So, I go to the nail section, cause I figure that’s totally legit and if anyone asks, I can say I need to hang pictures. Plus, they’re only $1.79. And who doesn’t sometimes have a use for nails? So I don’t see them, and don’t want to make it obvious I came back to see them, so I take my nails and go to check out. But, the chick says they’re 5 bucks. I’m not 5 bucks invested in this scheme, so I tell her sorry, but nevermind. I don’t want to pay that much for nails. I leave the store empty handed. No nails or nailing. But, I was proud of myself for making conversation with the hot paramedics. I toyed with the idea of leaving my card on their truck, but what would I write “To the blond guy with the dirty ‘stache, call me. This is the girl with the frizzy, wet hair and ratty sweatshirt.” Yeah, I decided to just let that one go and chalk it up to practice. Or, maybe I’ll start going to CVS everyday hoping to run into him.

Black Friday

My high school sweetheart is getting married today. This was my first love. My puppy love. The love who treated me like I was a goddess, princess, and super model combined. He blindly loved and worshiped me. What did I do? I totally abused the situation and took it all for granted. I still have the ring he worked all summer to be able to buy for me. It’s this pretty yellow gold ring (I don’t like yellow gold, but that’s besides the point) with an amethyst and little diamonds. It’s very pretty. He actually got me matching earrings, but I lost them. Just like I lost him. Ok, I didn’t actually lose him. I kicked him to the curb. At 18 I thought that I knew more than I actually did, and I wanted to experience life and date bad boys. Man, have I ever! From the limited facebook stalking I was able to do, his new wife looks cute. They look cute together. He lives in Minneapolis now. I’m guessing he met her there. I don’t know much. Her facebook profile is private, which makes it hard to stalk. I’m actually really happy for him. I don’t think we were meant to be together. He was the perfect first boyfriend. The best first boyfriend. I broke him heart by breaking up with him a week before my prom cause I met a Marine I wanted to take to prom in his uniform. My love for Marines goes wayyyyy back. Then we got back together a month later on the date of his graduation. We went to different schools: I went to the all-girls school and he went to the all-boys school. I really am happy for him. I’m a little sad, but more sad for myself. Here he’s about to be married any minute now, and I’m sitting at home in my pjs studying for the horrible BAR exam and eating Goldfish for breakfast. I took a study break last night and went to Barnes and Noble last night to pick-up a couple self-help books. A few people I know have been talking about this book “The 5 languages of love” so, I thought I’d look into it. I like self-help books in general, and I’ve been hearing a lot of positive things about it. And, it makes sense. There are 5 languages of love: actions, gifts, words of affirmation, quality time and physical touch. And, you have your own language, which you relate in. But, if your partner speaks a different language, then you need to learn how to relate in that language. I think it sounds cheesy, but it makes sense. Just thinking out loud here, but TB needed words of affirmation, and that’s not my language, so that’s not how I related to him. But, he thought I didn’t get excited enough about things he wanted me to be excited enough, or that I wasn’t vocal enough overall. Cause that’s not my language. I haven’t taken the quiz yet, but I think that I’m probably quality time (cause I need A LOT of attention) or maybe touch. I love to hold hands and cuddle with my man. While I was there, I saw that the same author (he’s a doctor, don’t worry) wrote a book about controlling anger. I picked that up too, cause it’s probably not a bad idea for me to learn how to control my anger. I have crazy road rage and maybe overreact to certain things. I just thought maybe it’ll be a good read. I don’t know why I’m buying books right now. I don’t have time to read anything that is not BAR related. I barely have time to write in here. But, I’ll find the time. I probably need anger management the more stressed out I get before this test. 3 weeks from today and it’ll be all over. SCARY!!!!!! But, in the meantime, I’m going to study some and focus on the fact that my first love is about to declare his eternal and undying love for another girl in front of many witnesses. Wow.

celebrating America with hipsters

I love hipsters. I don't know that I would date a hipster, but I do love just being around hipsters and artists and musicians. Just all around free thinkers. It's just fun and refreshing. It's also funny. I mean, sometimes they go off on random tangents and about things they know absolutely nothing about, but they believe in what they're saying so compeltely and absolutely and you know that in their mind it makes sense, even though it makes no rational sense otherwise. This is how I spent my 4th of July. Well, the afternoon portion of my 4th of July. I went up to LA on the night of the 3rd, cause I was in the midst of a bar-related meltdown (about the BAR exam, not a meltdown while at a bar) and my dad called me to see if I was going to participate in our yearly tradition of a movie on the 4th of July. It seemed to hrut his feelings when I said I'd already seen the movie he chose, so I said I would love to see it again. And, since the movie was Eclipse, and I love a shirtless Jacob, I truly didn't mind seeing it again. And, the fact that the family bond which we have and made my dad called right when I needed him, made me think I should go up to LA. So, I drove up to my parents house, cause being there makes me feel better when I'm stressed out. When I got there, I tripped over some stupid drain in the garage, and skinned my knees pretty bad, and twisted my leg really bad. We were worried I fractured my leg, cause I'm so accident and injury prone, but it's finally starting to feel better today. So, the morning of the 4th was spent with my parents and a dreamy werewolf. Then it was followed by an hour and a half of notecarding. But let me explain why. My parents neighbors are around my age, and they were having a party. So, I sat out on the patio doing work, hoping they'd invite me over. They didn't. Rude. They talked really loud so I could hear them, but I don't know if it was necessarily for my benefit or if they thought the entire world should hear their conversations. It's hard to tell sometimes.

Around 3 I walked down to meet my friends at a party. My parents walked with me so I wouldn't have to battle the crowds alone. Normally I wouldn't mind the walk, but my leg was still killing me, and I do hate drunk crowds. There's no shame in my parents walking to the party with me. I tried to convince them to come with me, cause my parents are hip, but they said no. So, I met my friends at the party, and it ended up being a ton of fun. The party was packed with young drunks. But, they were all so hip and pretty. And Wesley Snipes was there. And some rapper named Kid Cuddy, who I don't know, but I recognize the name. I'm cool enough to recognize names of popular artists. One of my buddies played the guitar and blew the crowd away. I'm not going to lie, I totally dropped "Yeah, I'm here with the musician." But, that was followed by "I'm not cool enough to be invited to a hipster party on my own, but he got me in." I ended up talking to this hipster guy in a fedora, cause, come on, what else do hipsters wear? He was from Oregon. Seemed like a nice guy. He was kind of cute. He was pretty funny. But what I took from it is that I really need to work on my game. I'm a really, really bad flirt. I'm looking at these situations as reason to improve my game. Well, we left the party, I just kind of walked away from Fedora Guy without even saying bye, and went to get burgers at this great dive bar. Then we went back to the party for a minute where I ended up chatting with this awesome chick who works in the music industry managing undiscovered bands. Well, they were undiscovered to me and most of mainstream America, but I guess they're discovered enough that it pays her bills. She was awesome and we bonded over our shared love of Anthony Kiedis (yes, I dropped that I awkwardly interviewed him for E! Entertainment once) and Steve Miller. Her grandparents were recently inducted into the rockabilly hall of fame. She was pretty cool. And, she didn't even mind that I was a nerdy lawyer. I gave her my card. See, I need to work on my ability to give DUDES my card, and not chicks. I don't swing that way, and am not frustrated enough to consider it. So, then we left that party and walked back to my parents house and watched fireworks with my parents. I felt awkward walking up to their house with a Tecate in hand, but, it's about time they know that their daughter is a classy girl who drinks only classy beers. We walked by 100 cops, and I was surprised each time I didn't get a ticket for walking down a public street with an open beer can in my hand. I guess they didn't even want to think about starting down that path with people, cause they'd get carpel tunnel from writing so many tickets.

Oh, and did I mention how I geeked out over a girl that was with us? She was my friend's girlfriend's friend. (Do you need a diagram for that??) Well, she's my new friend. But, I totally geeked out, cause she a Deputy District Attorney (AKA my dream job) in Orange County (AKA my dream jurisdiction). If she worked in the Sex Crimes unit, then she'd have my 100% dream job. But, she was super cool and I picked her brain all night about applying for a job and the bar and all things in between. When the Comic wanted to go talk to Wesley Snipes, but was embarassed I pointed out that I just got nerdily excited over meeting a lawyer, so I think he was ok to go talk to an actual movie star. He never did. I should have just gone up to Welsey Snipes for him. I failed my friend duties!!

All in all, it was a great day and night for me!! And it was symbolic: my independence from boyfriends past. No more TB. No more Marines in general. No more Cop. I'm tired of trying with all of them and getting no where. The Detective still tells me to be patient with the Cop and that he'll come around. I think she's mistaken. I think she wants to think that he digs me, cause she knows I'd enjoy hanging out with him. But, there comes a time when reality must take over, and hoping for something that isn't necessarily happening is just a waste of time. If any of them call, I'll be nice. But, no more effort on my part or hoping that something will happen. Plus, my horoscope was "Men in uniforms are not you're friends. Trouble is easier to find than you think, so don't go looking." I think that applies to all men in uniform. No more. I need to focus on the Bar, and then in 3 weeks, I can worry about being single. I mean, it'd be amazing to have someone here right now to calm me down when I'm stressed and to let me cry out my fears of not passing and all that, but that's not going to happen. And, at least I have my parents who I can do that too. It's not the same, I know. But, maybe it's better: less drama and I don't have to interpret what their actions mean. I know what it means: my dad wants me to pass so he can stop paying for me.

helping friends through breakups

One of my girlfriends, the Detective, just broke up with her boyfriend. Well, he randomly broke up with her a couple weeks ago, and she’s been dealing with the breakup aftermath since then. It’s funny, cause I can kind of relate. They were together and things seemed fine, and then one day he calls her out of the blue and ends things. They were together for like 9 months. They were talking long term, marriage, retirement, moving in together. She had a trip planned for his birthday and already had the tickets and whatnot. And then, boom. He’s done. It’s just like TB. She and I are completely different though. She told him to f-off, and that they could be friends, but she’s over it. But, then she’s telling me she’s upset that he didn’t fight for her and so he obviously doesn’t care. See, I go the “why don’t you want me?!?!” route with a guy, until I get over it and flip the switch. Like, I cared for a while about TB and begged him to reconsider. He didn’t. I’m done. She tells the guy she’s over it, but gets pissed he doesn’t fight. I don’t think either is the right answer, I guess. I think the thing to do is really just tell the guy you’re over it and mean it. Though, that’s a lot easier said than done. Like, everything I’m telling her is what I know to be true, but I wouldn’t/didn’t follow my own advice when I broke up with TB. She told me the same things I’m telling her now. “You’re too good for him”, “He’s missing out”, “Someday he’ll realize he ruined a good thing!”. You know, all the things you say to your friends when some d-bag breaks their heart. She hasn’t cried though. She’s not a crier. I still cry sometimes when I think about TB. It still makes me sad. Granted, it’s not as often, but I still get sad. That’s why I had to cut ties. I can’t keep thinking about him. I want to talk to him still. But, I can’t. It’ll interrupt my otherwise impressive rebound dating scene. Oh wait. I’m not talking to anyone right now. Oh yeah. It’s just hard to see a friend go through this. It’s sad. And, it’s sad to see that many guys say things they don’t mean. Or, maybe they do mean it at the time, but then they get scared by it. And she’s saying the same thing I said: how does he go from texting me all the time everyday and always talking to me, to absolutely nothing. Guys do that. They all do that. TB did that to me. ATC did that. The Marine did that. Baby Marine did that. The Cop did that (though, to be fair, the Cop did that while we were dating: when he was home in Virginia after we first met, I talked to him all day everyday and it was awesome. Then he got home and we barely talked, though that’s when we started hanging out. You can’t get a girl to think she gets to talk to you all the time, and then tell her you’re busy and can’t, and expect her to just accept that. Ok, maybe you can with some girls. Just not with this girl. His excuse was that he was on vacation and had time, and that he couldn’t when he was working. Um, I work too. I know how it is to be tired and busy. Yet, I still find time to contact people. Yes, maybe it wouldn’t be as often, but I’m fine with quality over quantity. Text me on your lunch break to say hi. Or when you get home to say you’re tired but were thinking about me and can’t wait to see me soon. It’s surprising how far something cute like that can get you. The Cop just confuses me. I really don’t get him. He seems to enjoy hanging out with me, then I don’t hear from him for weeks. Then yesterday he responds that he can’t hang out on the 4th cause he’s working. I say I can be convinced to hang out a different time. He responds “Thanks sweetie. I appreciate it. ” If someone has a Cop to English dictionary, I’d greatly appreciate it. My girlfriend Veggie Girl (I don’t know if that’s going to stick or not. For some reason I can’t think of the perfect name for her. But, she’s a vegetarian, so I guess that works) said that he mom said it’s him trying to be cute and that he doesn’t know when we can hang out, but that I should take it as a positive sign. Hmm. Perhaps. Or, it could be a nice blow-off. I think I need to stop analyzing everything and looking for signs and just go with what is there: no definite plan to hang out. So, I’m not going to keep my hopes up that I’ll be seeing him soon. If he does call and want to hang out, then it’ll be a nice surprise. If not, then I won’t be surprised, cause I won’t have over-analyzed things. No more going by what guys say. I’m only judging based on actions at this point. He wrote back. Good action. 1 point. Now we’ll see if he has any follow through. In the meantime, I need to study anyway. And deal with the Detective, cause she’s texted me 3 times since I’ve been writing this. Oh speaking of, I did suggest to her that she date the Cop. They know each other- work together. Actually, him ending things with me last year is how she and I bonded. I said that he doesn’t seem interested in me, and that maybe they’re better suited for each other- they both like space and only want to see their significant other like once a week, or maybe even less; they’re both cops; they both…ok, I think that may be the end of their similarities. But, those are good similarities. She said that he’s like a brother to her and she’s not attracted to him. Oh well, I tried to help him out. She’s hot. He could do a lot worse. Of course, she’s also super tough and crazy, and I think she would eat him. And I don’t mean sexytime eat him. I mean, I would need to represent her in jail eat him. Maybe that’s the kind of law I should focus on: representing women who kill their boyfriends/husbands. “Your Honor. Guys suck. She had no choice and was doing a public service.” The judge would say “You’re right. She’s free to go. Case dismissed.” And then we do a slow motion jump high five. I think there’s something there I should look into. Oops, 4th text. I gotta go.