Sunday football

Sunday night, after a long day of moving and unpacking (not my own- I’m just a really, really good friend) I went to the Newlyweds to watch football. I was exhausted cause I haven’t been able to sleep at all lately and had a headache. But, I was excited to hang out with good friends to watch some football. I just didn’t drink at all. It Couple was there. As were the BabyTalkers. I was the 7th wheel. Yay. I don’t mind usually. It’s just the way it is. I could sit at home by myself because I hate being the only single person. Or, I could hang out with cool people who don’t make it seem like I’m an odd wheel. It’s just a fun group of friends hanging out. Sometimes I love not drinking when everyone else is, because you get to fully appreciate the hilarity of the situation. People were in rare form. It was amazing! After a bit, Tats McGee and a boy she’s been dating came over. Tats McGee is Mrs. Newlywed’s BFF. Well, she’s BFFs with the entire group, as they’ve all known each other for such a long time. She’s this really fun, really sweet, really awesome chick who has some really great tattoos. She also makes really great drinks. (At the Newlyweds holiday drink party, she made some sort of cider drink or something for ATC and he kept saying how good it was, and asked her to make more. She doesn’t even remember what it is. She’s that good.) She met a guy and has been hanging out with him for a couple weeks now. I don’t know the full story. (I actually don’t even remember his name. Oops.) He seems like he’s really into her. He was very attentive to her, and kept looking at her when she wasn’t looking. It was cute. (I love being a voyeur and watching for moments like that. No, that’s not creepy of me! It’s just being a good friend, so that later I can say “Oh my gosh, I saw him look at you when you weren’t watching, and it was super cute!” See. Not creepy.) He seemed like the kind of guy who goes into any situation and will talk to anyone and make friends. He made an effort to join into conversations and talk. He definitely was the opposite of shy. ATC is a lot like that. I’m jealous of people who have that ability. I’m insanely shy, and don’t talk a lot, especially when I don’t know people. (Like the first time I met the Marine’s best friend/couch surfing buddy, I don’t think I said 2 words!) I’m quiet in general. I prefer to just kind of take in the situation and listen. It makes it easier for me to analyze the situation and people in general. Plus, I’m judgmental, so being quiet helps that. Oooh, now my friends are going to worry what I’m thinking next time I’m quiet around them. Be afraid people. (On a side note, I was talking to the Brohamster last night, and I told him how I think I’m drawn to life-of-the-party type guys- him, ATC- because they’re fun. But, the guy for me is the quieter, strong silent kind of guy-the Marine, the Drywaller. I prefer just staying in and laying low with my guy. I don’t think I can keep up with a louder guy. It’s just not my thing.) But her guy seemed like a good guy from what I saw. What I was most impressed with about the whole situation, is that when they got there in the middle of the game, the Newlyweds got up and went into the kitchen to talk with Tats McGee and the guy. Mrs. Newlywed didn’t even have to instruct Mr. Newlywed that he had to stop watching football and do it. They both knew how important it was to actually separate and get to know this guy for the sake of their friend. I think that’s a natural thing for girls to do. But, I was impressed that Mr. Newlywed did it on his own. He didn’t even have to be told. I think that’s a sign of a good person. I think most guys would have to be told to stop watching football with their buddies to talk to their friend’s new man. It was just a cool thing I noticed. Again, I notice and analyze everything. I can’t help it. Toward the end of the game, the Girl Scout came. The Girl Scout is Mrs. Newlywed’s sister, and the roommate of Tats McGee. Let me explain her name. On New Year’s Day, when we girls sat around talking all day, she showed us her purse, and how it was packed with the single girl’s necessities for a night out. It had a compact and lipstick. Credit cards, cash, cell phone and camera. All the things a girl needs for a night on the town. It was funny how this little, black clutch turned into a carefully packed Mary Poppins purse as she kept pulling stuff out. I don’t even know how she fit everything into this small bag. But she did. I don’t even know exactly all what was in there. But it was the necessities. If there was a badge for partying, she would have won that. This girl is the epitome of work hard, play hard. She has a very serious and important day job. She’s very professional and intelligent. But, she also knows how to party with the best of them. I don’t know how she does it. I’m tired just thinking about it. She’s always prepared to have a good time. Another reason for her new moniker. I was stoked when she showed up, cause now there was an even number, and it was us single girls against the couples. I did feel bad, cause she wanted to go to Sharkeez, but I am so anti-Sharkeez. Bars in general, but specifically Sharkeez. I might be the worst wing woman ever, cause I just hate going out anymore. When did I become a hermit?? I just wanted to go home and watch TV and finish my letter to the Marine. I wrote him this weekend a letter I broke up into parts (i.e. Friday night, Saturday morning, Saturday night, Sunday night.) It made it feel more like I was actually talking to him about my day as it was happening. Kind of cool. I thought it was kind of cool. Who knows what he thinks. Who cares what he thinks. I mean, he’s getting a letter, he should be happy either way. I still miss him a lot, but I guess that’s to be expected. Maybe that's why I don't mind having all couple friends and I don't like going out: there's a boy on my mind, and I don't really want to change that. Oops. After all the convincing I've been trying to do that I'm not still into him, I just let my secret out. Yes, I know you all believed me that I was over him. (Insert eye roll here.) I think there's nothing wrong with still thinking about him, as long as I'm not delusional enough to truly believe that it will work out when he gets home. I'm not. I hope it will. But, I'm not counting on it. I wouldn't put money on it in Vegas. I would throw a penny into a fountain making a wish that it will happen. But, that's about it. Wow, how do all of my posts that have nothing at all to do with the Marine end up talking about the Marine? One track mind, eh?

Charity Event

This weekend at a wine tasting charity event, the Nurse of the Year looked at my burn. Ok, ok. Let me back up and tell the story from the beginning. On Saturday, I went with It Couple and the Newlyweds to pour wine at a charity event thrown by It Boy’s parents. The fundraiser was for the neo-natal unit at a hospital. Doing good on a Saturday night seems like a great way to earn brownie points with the Universe. Plus, it gave me an excuse to wear my Princess dress. (This dress that I have that’s sparkly and gauzy and makes me feel like a Princess.) And, free wine. Come now, I’m sold. We got there early and sampled the wine. And the food. And the wine. And more wine. We had to know what we were serving afterall. People wanted recommendations. My favorite was the BV Meritage. So good! It Girl loved the La Brisa Pinot Noir. We had a competition to see whose favorite we could recommend more. Oh wait, she didn’t know it was a competition? Oops. Most things in my life are a competition, even if the other person isn’t aware of that. So we met lots of people and poured lots of wine. We were amusing ourselves by playing the “Guess what that guy does for a living” game. I was actually pretty good. I guessed one guy was a hospital administrator, and it turned out he was the CEO. I’m good! We tried to guess the doctors and the doctor’s wives. It Boy promised me that a doctor would hit on me by the end of the night. He didn’t let me down. A doctor hit on me. Well, to be fair, he hit on me, and on It Girl and on Mrs. Newlywed. I think the only woman he didn’t hit on was his wife. Yeah, he was a stereotypical super creepy married surgeon who thinks he’s way cooler than he is. And while some chicks may be into that, and not care about morals or having a conscious, that’s so obviously not me. At one point he comes over to where It Girl, Mrs. Newlywed and I were standing and tells me “You girls look so good in your sexy, little outfits.” Um, see above. I was wearing a Princess dress. Not a “sexy little outfit”. Gross!! When saying goodbye, he gave It Girl a hug first, and tried to kiss her on the lips. Inappropriate! She had to turn her head as far as it would go to avoid him. Ick. I learned from her mistake, and went in wide for a hug, keeping as much distance between our bodies and faces as possible. I am really good at maintaining personal space. I don’t like people touching me in general. I especially don’t like married, creepy surgeons touching me. It Boy thought it was hilarious though, and kept laughing about the doc. Yeah. Funny. Oh, but the story about the nurse of the year. So It Girl said she’d give me 50 bucks if I walked up to a random doctor or nurse and asked them to look at my burn. (I’m sure I mentioned how I burned myself really badly on New Year’s Eve with my computer? It’s still a big, nasty mess.) I wouldn’t do it. Mrs. Newlywed thought that was funny and has no problem talking to anyone. Seriously. She is the most fun person to go anywhere with, cause she will make friends with anyone. The nurse who just won an award for Nurse of the Year came to our table for a taste of the desert wine we were serving. Mrs. Newlywed asked her if she would take a look at my burn. She asked where it was, and I said on my lower thigh. She said “Yeah, that’s no problem. I look at women’s v****na’s all day.” Wow, crass. I like it. So I peel off the gauze and show her my nasty wound. She says it’s fine. I knew it was. She also said it looked so gross and would scar really bad. Yeah. I know. Thanks. It’s a really good thing I’m not vain. Or a model. I mean, it’d be hard to have a big nasty scar if I were a leg model. Guess I’ll have to stick to that whole law thing afterall. Oh well. (Speaking of modeling: earlier that day at an open house for my school, I found out that Social Butterfly, another friend and I are on the cover of the admissions packets they’re sending to newly admitted students!! How crazy is that??? Guess I am a cover model!) We went to a dive bar in Huntington Beach after to meet up with a buddy (and former drummer) of It Boys. We were so over dressed that it was amazing. We said we just got back from Prom. I wasn’t going to go cause I was tired, but I haven’t been out in a long time, and I knew it’d be fun. We sat around for a couple hours listening to stories of It Boy and his friends. These stories made me realize that I’m lucky my friend is still alive. It also made me realize that there are such things as guardian angels, cause that’s the only way to explain why he is still alive. Overall, it was an amazing night!

where'd you go?

Curly texted me last night. "We were supposed to eat Monday or Wednesday. Maybe this weekend? I got busy with work." Yeah. It was Wednesday at 8:51 when he texted me that. Um. I'm glad you let me know we weren't hanging out? To be fair, I'd already decided if I didn't hear from him by Sunday, I wouldn't be hanging out with him at all this week. I wrote back "Don't worry...I ate Monday and Wednesday. I am free to eat again on Saturday. :-)" No response. What, did he smash his phone right after texting me, thereby losing the ability to respond? YOU JUST TEXTED! How can you not respond?? I'm getting annoyed. It feels like games at this point. How hard is it to respond ok or not? I'm not sitting around hoping he's going to want to hang out. Actually, I made other plans for Saturday, and when he writes back, I'm going to have to tell him that. At this point, I'm trying to decide if I even want to hang out at all or not. I understand being busy and stuff. But, come on! I mean, I'm really only going to hang out with him to prove that I'm not waiting around for the Marine. I don't actually care about hanging out with him, to be honest. I mean, yeah he's hot and fun to talk to. But, I don't think we're really right for each other. He seems too "frat boy" for me. I'd give him a chance, of course. But, I'm getting annoyed. And once I'm annoyed, I don't recover easily. My sister tells me I need to calm down. But, I think I've been pretty calm with Curly in general. I didn't text him to see if we were meeting up Monday or Wednesday. I didn't respond right away (the first time he emailed me about hanging out last week.) I'm just losing interest. I feel pretty calm. I'm just over it.

Great Weekend

Do you ever have those weekends that are perfect, even though nothing super big or exciting happened? But that’s almost what makes them so perfect? I think I just had one of those. It started Friday, as most weekends start. I went to my parent’s house after class got out. Three horrible, boring hours of introductory bar prep. How to write essays. Shoot me in the face, please! Luckily, It Girl and I switched out of the Friday morning class and into a Thursday evening one. When planning our schedules, she didn’t seem to think it would matter if we had that class Friday morning. And ever being the “go with the flow” kind of person, I agreed. Then when it came time for the class, she realized that that class was going to suck. Luckily, the professors agreed to the switch, so no more Friday morning classes for me. Score!! (And, as a personal aside to It Girl: I told you so!!) So my mom and I had plans on Friday night. I haven’t had date night with my mom in a while, so this was fun. For Christmas my sister got me tickets to the Pee Wee Herman Show. Yeah, he brought his show to the stage. It was so cool!! Just like the actual show! It had all the same characters, and the same gags. Pee Wee came out to a standing ovation. The crowd was super hip. Lots of young hipsters. I don’t get what happened to Pee Wee. I mean, he was in an adult theater and touched himself. Maybe I don’t understand, but isn’t that pretty par for the course when it comes to men in adult theaters? Don’t they go there so they can touch themselves in the privacy of an adult theater? It’s not like he was at a Disney movie touching himself. Roman Polanski had sex with a 13 year old, and people still consider him a great director. That seems way worse. Who did Pee Wee hurt? No one! They hurt me when they took his show off the air. I used to LOVE Pee Wee. In fact, when I first got Netflix, the first thing I ordered was a season of Pee Wee’s Playhouse. So, you get the picture. I love Pee Wee. I had so much fun at the show! My mom did too, which made me glad she came with me. ATC really wanted to come with me, but I had to take my mama. I told ATC I’d go with him a different time. The show’s around for a couple more weeks I think. So Friday was fun. Saturday I was stuck in Bar Prep for like a million hours. Constitutional Law. I wanted to kill myself. I wonder if it’s too late to change professions. I think farming has its perks. I’d be an amazing farmer I think. Well, aside from the fact that I hate getting up early. Other than that, I’d be an amazing farmer. It’s in my blood. Saturday night I hung out with It Girl and her sister. We went to Ikea to find furniture. Then after figuring it out, and getting the boxes we needed, we realized there wouldn’t be room in the car for any of it. Well, at least it was a good scouting mission. And, I do love Ikea. It’s hard to not want to buy so much stuff when I’m there! I swear that I could go broke on candles alone there! I’m going to be homeless, but at least I have pretty candles!! After Ikea we went to BJs for pizza and beer. It was just an “I NEED BEER NOW!!!!” kind of night. We only had a few, but I still got a little tipsy. I yelled at the Drywaller for getting back together with his lame girlfriend. Normally I don’t tell him when I think the girls he dates are bad. But this girl is young and immature and treats him like trash! He doesn’t deserve that! He needs a girl who loves him, despite his surliness. Our friend, New Best Friend (NBF), met us for dinner too. He’s a guy who we go to school with, who all of a sudden has become really good friends with us. He’s the nicest guy in the entire world, and It Girl and I feel completely protective of him. He lives right where we were, so he came to meet us. We had so much fun! And, It Girl took the best picture of me. No, literally, I think it’s the best picture that’s ever been taken of me. I’m not super photogenic, so I was stoked. I guess saying it’s the best picture when one doesn’t take good pictures isn’t really saying a lot. NBF said “Why don’t you look like this in real life?!” What a jerk! Ok, not really. That was actually pretty hilarious. After dinner, NBF left, and the 3 of us girls went to watch Fame. I love cheesy dance and singing movies. I’m a sucker for them. Step Up? Love it! You Got Served? I own it. Drum Line? Yes please. I was super excited for Fame. But, it didn’t live up to my expectations. Sure, there were some good entertaining parts. But, overall, so not impressed! And then I was bummed that a cheesy movie let me down. How dare Hollywood treat me that way! The upside to that night is that we were at Little Sister’s fiancé’s house (he’s LAPD) and he has the cutest little bulldog!! I think it’s just over a year old. Something like that. He is so cute and slobbery and snorty and adorable (the dog, not the fiancé.) And he likes to lick your ears. (Again the dog, not the fiancé.) Sunday I met up with my sister for coffee. She had 1 of her dogs with her: my little puppy. Ok, she’s not really a puppy anymore, she’s 4 and a half. But, she will always be my puppy. We chatted for a while at a coffee shop before she had to head back to LA. Then I met up with It Girl and we just hung out and watched tv. I was going to make her dinner, but I ended up cutting my stupid finger. I guess that’s the universe trying to tell me that I shouldn’t be cooking. Or, maybe that I should not use knives. Like, I should stick to pre-cut foods. I wonder if I could hire someone just to cut food for me? Perhaps I should just invest in Band-aids. It Girl had to finish dinner for me. What a good friend! Monday my sister came back down to hang out. We studied down at the beach house waiting for a tsunami to come get us. The storm was insane! The ocean was so rough with bigger swells than I’ve ever seen! It made me wonder how sea animals and fish live in such turbulent waters. I picture the little fishes just being thrown around. Poor little Nemo getting taken from his papa by an angry Poseidon. Ok, I’m sure the storm doesn’t actually affect the creatures deeper down. But, it’s still sad to think about. The waves were so intense that they were shaking the whole house. My puppy was so afraid. She finally curled up on my lap for a long time and tried to sleep, but couldn’t fall asleep for very long before waking up with a start. It might be the saddest thing to see a scared 80 pound pit bull curled up on one’s lap. She really is the sweetest thing in the ENTIRE world!! After a few hours of studying, my sister and I met up with It Girl and we saw Leap Year. Oh. My. Gosh. The best romantic comedy in such a long time! I don’t care that people are saying it’s obvious. It’s so good! It makes me want to move to Ireland! Maybe all the good guys are in Ireland. Ok, that’s not true. I love American boys. Plus, the guy reminded me of the Marine. My Marine. Everything about him: from his surly, sarcastic attitude, to his stand-off attitude which hides his sweet side, to his eyebrows. Yes, his eyebrows reminded me of the Marine. It’s not weird to say that. It’s something about the way he used them to emphasize points. The way he furrowed them. I don’t know. It was the eyebrows. So, even when I’m trying to just have a girl’s weekend and have fun, I’m thinking about my Marine. This is going to be a long 5 months! Again, not that I’m waiting for him. But…if it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck…

Bring on the rain

It's weird, but I really miss my Marine today. I've been pretty good all week at not being sad or missing him. But today, for someone reason, I can't stop thinking about him! Everything is reminding me of him or making me think of him. Maybe it's cause I had a dream about him last night, so he's just on my mind. Or maybe cause I've been bored in Bar Prep class today, and thinking of him is better than learning about Constitutional Law from a video lecture. Maybe it's a combination of both. I don't remember much about the dream last night, except that he was coming home today. I remember being really excited. I woke up excited. And then I reminded myself that he just left and won't be home til probably June. It's all good. This week flew by. I'm sure they all will. That's the good thing about being busy with school this semester. I'm not necessarily sad. Just can't stop thinking about him. I decided to actually do my hair and put on a lil make-up today to try to fee better. I haven't done that since he left, I realized. Being mopey is not going to do anyone any good. So, I'm going to have a good rest of the day and try to distract myself. Oh, I had some chocolate too, but getting fat definitely will not help me feel better. So, I'm going to make it an effort to not make myself feel better that way. Why is everything so good so bad for you?? Why can't drowning your sorrows in broccoli make you feel better? The universe is cruel!! I did have a lovely fruit salad this week which helped me feel better: blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, raspberries, grapes and cantaloupe. So good! But still, not quite the same as chocolate. Maybe I'll snap out of this funk when the rain starts. Rain always cheers me up, cause it's so pretty! And lying in bed while the rain falls is amazing. And, the gray of the clouds makes colors pop more. Bring on the rain!!

Goodbye text

So I had lunch with the Brohamster the other day. He was on campus and we both had time before our classes began. It’s cool to be able to be friends with him now. He talked about issues with his girlfriend. I talked about all the drama in my life. It was nice. A throw back to last year before we stopped hanging out, and before all the drama and fighting happened between us. We’re way better off as friends. It’s just funny that we see that now. Maybe he always saw that and I’m just now catching on. I’m kind of dense at times. Ok, so there we were having lunch. ATC texted me, which was funny cause I was talking about him and telling Brohamster all about everything that happened between us. While talking about ATC I get a text message. My phone talks to me to tell me who’s calling. “Message from ATC”. It’s kind of cool. It freaks some people out. “Is your phone talking to you??” But, it amuses me. And, I like knowing who it is calling/texting before I have to look at my phone. Yes, I’ve said it many, many times: I like instant gratification! So I’m expecting my phone to say that it’s ATC. But instead it says “Message from 979…….” I think my eyes almost popped out of my head! It was the Marine! I deleted his number so that I wouldn’t be tempted to call or text him anymore. I don’t have his number memorized, I just know it’s a 979 area code. I hadn’t talked to him since our fight, and he was ignoring all of my attempts to communicate. The text said “I’m about to fly out. Goodbye. Perhaps we can be friends when I get back.” Holy crap! I mean, I know that I probably shouldn’t be so excited that I heard from him. At least, I shouldn’t admit that I was so excited. But, I’ve confessed to worse, so yes, I was beyond ecstatic that he texted me. He didn’t have to. I didn’t think he would. I texted him back to be safe and take care of himself and I would love to be friends when he gets back. Again, I know I shouldn’t be so excited, but I’m smiling again just thinking about it. I’m already planning how different I’m going to be when he gets back. I’m not saying I’m going to wait for him. That would be pointless, since I don’t know what’s going to happen (if anything). I’m just saying that I know what it is I need to do differently to not scare him away this time. I need to not be so aggressive. I need to let him man up and take control. I need to do my own thing and let him figure himself out. I need to get to know him slowly. I need to let him get to know me slowly. And, I mean, this is assuming I don’t meet someone else in the meantime. I’m not going to wait for him. But, I’m also not going to actively pursue anything else. I’m really trying to focus on school this semester anyway. And that’s not just the excuse of a lonely, pathetic girl. “I didn’t want to date anyway. I’m focusing on school” or “I’m focusing on my cats. Schmookie and Pookums need a lot of attention, so I couldn’t possibly date right now!” It’s serious. I have an intense semester of classes I’m stoked about and want to make the most of. That being said, I’m in class right now writing this, so…. In my defense, this class is horribly boring, and I still have 2 hours and 10 minutes left. YUCK! Oh, but back to the Marine. I also got an email from him mom the day he left. She said how nice it was to meet me and asked about being back to school and said to stay in touch. The Brohamster said that’s a good sign. However, I pointed out to him that his mom liked me too, so… Moms like me. I’m a nice person, and it was obvious how into her son I was, and how I tried to help him out. But, it was still nice to get an email from her reinforcing that she liked me. No matter what happens with the Marine, I’m just glad that he’s not still mad or whatever, and that he didn’t leave on bad terms. I hate leaving things on bad terms. It sucks knowing people don’t like me or are mad at me and don’t want to talk to me. Why can’t everyone just get along, you know? Just because we didn’t work out doesn’t mean we need to hate each other. We obviously cared something for each other at some point. Anyway, it’s back to my diet and working out and getting in shape over these next few months. A few months to focus on school and myself: there could be worse things.

Next chapter

It is with heavy heart that I announce this latest news: I have a date next week. Ok, I’m not really sad about it. I mean, dates are fun. Right? I just wish that I didn’t have to date someone other than the Marine. But, I guess it’s time to move on. And maybe I’m supposed to be with this guy. Who knows. It’d be funny if I end up with him. Here’s why: it’s with Curly. Yes, the same Curly who I once blew off to have my first date with the Marine. And then we went out later and had possibly the most amazing first date I’ve ever had with a guy. Well, we’re hanging out next week. He emailed me tonight and said to plan on having dinner next week. In keeping with my new theme of playing “the game”, I’m going to respond to his email tomorrow and say that I’m available Monday or Wednesday. I could have responded right away. But, the new non-aggressive me is not going to do anything that I normally would, or anything which I am naturally inclined to do. The new me is living my own life, and doing my own thing, and will fit dudes in where I can. I just wish the Marine could see this, cause then I think he’d want to hang out still. Maybe. Who knows. My mom says I have to stop talking about him. She’s right. Thinking about him is only hurting me more. It’s funny, cause today before class, my old buddy Sharkie called me, cause he was at some Marine training school and ran into this other dude who he knew. And then he wanted to try to set me up with this other Reservist Marine. I talked to them for a while. Then, when I was done talking to them, ATC called. He was going home to grill some steaks for his buddy’s birthday. I guess that was the universe showing me that just because one dude doesn’t want to talk to me doesn’t mean lots of other people don’t. (Wait..I don’t think that came out right, but you understand what I’m saying. Lots of cool people want to talk to me.) Yesterday, one of my oldest friends contacted me out of the blue. That was awesome too! He wants me to come visit Austin. I want to go visit him in Austin. He and his girlfriend just got engaged, and I couldn’t be happier!! He’s an amazing guy, and his lady friend is a really sweet girl. They’re both these really cool, fun, extremely talented photographers. They met in photography school and then moved to Texas together. Good reason for me to go visit! I wish them both all the luck in the world!! Oh, and I got a forward today from a friend at the City Attorney’s office where I used to work, which basically said that if someone doesn’t call you back, let them go. If they don’t want to be in your life, let them go. It doesn’t make them a bad person, it just means their chapter in your life has closed. That forward was pretty perfectly timed I guess. I just have to let the Marine go. Even though I don’t want his chapter closed, it’s not up to me anymore. I will continue to keep him in my thoughts and prayers, but it’s time to let him go. That being said, if he were to call me, I’d talk to him. That being said, I’m still hoping and wishing and praying that he’ll call. I know he won’t. That’s why I’m moving on. Begrudgingly. Of course, moving on with Curly is nice, cause, in case you’ve forgotten from posts from the past, Curly is freaking hot!! And super nerdy and smart. And freaking hot!! I don’t think he’s the tough guy that I normally like. But, he’s freaking hot!! Notice a trend?

Forgiveness is a virtue

Do you ever do things which you know you shouldn't be? And it's almost like you're in a movie watching yourself and trying to make yourself stop, but you can't? "Yes, my rational self knows that I shouldn't be doing this, but my rational self is not in control right now." The following is my most recent example of this, and how I messed up a really, really good thing.

I have decided to take a dating hiatus. This is a very much needed break, and was a decision that became solidified this weekend. Let me take you back a week or so. There has been a lack of posts lately and an absence of my new favorite character: the Marine. Well, I ruined a good thing with him. Not on purpose mind you. But, because I am stubborn and pig-headed and downright crazy at times. Let me explain. A week ago Saturday he got back from Dallas. I was so excited to see him. I picked him and his mother up from the airport. We hung out for a bit, but they were exhausted. Understandably so. He said I’d see him again soon before he deployed. Sunday I wanted to hang out, but he was busy. I went out with ATC that night for some beers and the Lakers game. I had hoped that would take my mind off of the Marine, but all I did was talk about him. In my defense, ATC asked a lot of questions about “The Captain”. (That’s what he calls the Marine. Since ATC is a former Marine himself, he hates that I refer to the Marine as if he is the only Marine. But, in my mind, he is.) That didn’t help distract me. I ended up seeing the Marine on Monday night, as I help him and his mom pack and stuff. That was the night we have to say goodbye, as he has a girl flying in from Texas. He says she’s just a friend. I got upset and possibly texted him more than I should have over the next few days. I’m sorry, but I get irrational when I’m emotional. And I was super emotional. Here’s this dude who I really dig blowing me off for another chick. Well, it turns out he doesn’t leave Wednesday either. I’m still not sure why, but he’s around for a bit longer. The other girl left, and he said maybe we'd hang out. I think I ignored the "maybe" and got my hopes up that we definitely would. We talked on Saturday and he says I’m too aggressive. Yes, I get that I have been aggressive. I mean, I think I’m normally a bit on the aggressive side, and this has put me into overdrive. I didn’t think it was bad to make it known I want to hang out with him before he leaves. But, I mean, I guess I should still be playing the game. It’s just hard to play hard to get when you’re really wanting to see someone, and you’re worried they’re leaving soon for a really, really long time to go to a really, really scary place. So after a while, he says the “friend” is now his “girlfriend”. Personally, I don’t believe it. I mean, I guess I have no reason not to. But, I just find it weird. He tells me that they didn’t even start hanging out until like 3 days after Christmas. That means a week ago. And she’s his girlfriend? And he says I told him I didn’t want anything and that I was free and he was free. Well, anyone who knows me knows that that is just not true. I was willing to wait for this kid! I would have sent him letters and stayed at home knitting every Friday night until he got back. Ok, maybe not knitting. I don’t know how to knit. But, I would have done something comparable. Personally, if he is more than friends with this girl, I think it’s because he’s freaked out about leaving, and she reminds him of home. She’s safe. He knows that she won’t hurt him. With me, he doesn’t know that. It’s more of a risk to care about me. I’m emotional, and volatile and crazy. But, he knew that about me already and chose to date me. Yes, I really should have toned it down. I know that. I accept that. I own that 1 million percent. But, now he won’t even talk to me or see me. We were supposed to have lunch today, but he canceled without telling me why. He just said “I have my reasons.” Yes, I should have let it go at that. But, what kind of Spanish/Italian would I be if I didn’t drop some f-bombs? Of course, then I felt immediately bad and sent him a bunch of apologies. I swear, last night I was on this emotional roller coaster and thought about institutionalizing myself. I felt crazy. I was just so upset and lost. It was so bad that I called my mom “Can I come home?” I didn’t want to talk to anyone, but I didn’t want to be alone. “Of course you can come home!” she says. The only reason I ask is because my dad owns guns, and I didn’t want to get shot coming into the house at 9pm on a Saturday night. I came home and almost immediately went to bed. Of course I didn’t sleep. I laid curled up with my teddy bear crying. I was a pathetic mess. I haven’t been able to sleep or eat all week. Today my dad kept asking if I was sick. Normally when I’m upset, I eat. After ATC, I think I gained 45 pounds. But I couldn’t eat anything without feeling the sudden urge to puke. (Of course, when my parents got me to go to dinner with them, I looked out the window, and there was a girl actually puking outside. She was leaning out of her friend’s car window throwing up. This made me almost puke again. It was hysterically disgusting.) I spent the whole day with my dad. We went to Home Depot and the grocery store. Grocery shopping with my dad is hilarious. He zig zags through the store with no rhyme or reason while thinking of what he wants. With my mom, it’s methodical. Up one aisle, down the other. It doesn’t matter if we need anything in the aisle or not. We still go up and down it. With my dad, it’s like a mad dash back and forth. If I hadn’t been periodically crying at the very thought of the Marine, it would have been much more enjoyable. He asked why I wasn’t hungry or wanting to eat. He was really worried I was sick. When I finally said that the Marine hurt my feelings, he said exactly what I was expecting (and which I still found comforting, nonetheless) “You need to focus on school anyway.” It’s funny, cause I haven’t wanted to talk about it with anyone, cause I don’t want anyone to say anything bad about the Marine. He’s about to leave and I don’t want any negative energy out there. Sure, he hurt my feelings, and maybe could have handled things differently, but I would say 89% of this was my fault. I don’t want my friends and family saying anything bad about him just because they have to stand up for me out of love and loyalty. And, at the same time, I don’t need people to point out what I did wrong (cause we all know my friends and family are opinionated people who won’t hesitate to tell me what I did wrong and should do differently.) Then we came home and watched football all day. That cheered me up a bit. It was very distracting, cause the Cardinals/Packers game was pretty exciting. And I don’t really even like football that much. And then it hit me: I think I like the Marine so much because he reminds me a lot of my dad. My dad is a great man. He’s a problem solver. He takes care of the family. He can fix everything from a problem with my car, to figuring out which classes I should take. He’s hard working and loyal and fun to be around. He doesn’t waste time with a lot of chit chat, but he puts up with us girls when we get chatty. And he’s always so forgiving when we do something wrong. My dad and I butt heads a lot, because I think I get my stubbornness from him. But, no matter what, at the end of the day he loves me and I love and respect him, so we will forgive each other. I think I see a lot of that in the Marine. He is so smart and introverted. Yet, he could handle any problem. He’s as tough as he is smart. He loves gadgets and video games and guns. He likes “shoot ‘em up” movies. He has no problem just being silent, but also lets me rant about nerdy law school stuff when I feel the need. I just wish that he were forgiving like my dad. I know that I was too aggressive and pushy. I would change that if I could. I left him alone today. And I plan on leaving him alone from now on. I mean, at this point, it has to be up to him if he wants to contact me. That being said, I am going to wish at every 11:11 and upon every shooting star, and I’m going to pray and hope and whatever else I can, that he will call me. I’ve never wanted to fight for a guy so badly when I know there may be another girl in the picture. Normally I let the other girl win, cause there’s no point in trying. With the Brohamster, I let him go and cut off communication so that the bartender could have him (even gave her advice about him when she called me once. Yeah, that was weird.) With the Cop, when I found out he was dating the slutty volunteer, I stopped calling. With ATC, when he told me he started dating a friend of his, I stopped talking to him, and joined Eharmony in an effort to move on. (It’s funny that, with the exception of the Cop, most of the guys I date still come to me for girl advice. Brohamster, ATC, the Drywaller, the Writer. Part of me loves being the stable person they can count on. Part of me thinks I’m a masochist.) But with the Marine, I guess I just thought I could fight to save whatever it is that we had. Who knows...maybe after he gets back, he’ll realize that we should have another chance. Maybe I’ll still be single. Maybe my dating hiatus will be over. The one thing I do know: I will not be putting my own life on hold for him (or anyone) anymore, and will definitely be hard to get. I would say “play hard to get”, but it won’t be playing. I’m learning to put myself first. And if the guy wants me, he’ll work for it. It’s kind of how I was in the beginning with the Marine. Somewhere along the line, my fear of him leaving turned me into a needy, emotional, irrational maniac. And for that, I truly, deepyly, whole-heartedly apologize to the Marine. And my hiatus is going to focus on my fixing that. I vow here and now (maybe a late New Year’s resolution, if you will) that I will not be aggressive or clingy from now on. Afterall, I’m kind of a catch.

And don't worry...I'm sure there will still be plenty of hi jinx for me to write about, even with my cancellation of my eharmony account.

Construction sites

The coolest thing about having a dad who builds houses is that I grew up on construction sites. Some of my favorite memories as a kid involve me hanging around while all the work was being done. I vividly remembering following my dad’s electrician around, collecting all of his discarded wires. For some reason I thought that was so cool. And I felt like I was helping. To this day I’m still fascinated by all things construction related. I love tractors and bull-dozers. I love looking at blue prints and trying to imagine how things are going to look when they’re done. I was really into drafting when I was young and wanted to be an architect. My dad bought me a CAD program for my 1988 IBM. Yes, compared to the programs they have now, I was probably better off drawing lines in dirt. But, at the time, I was the coolest kid on the block. (Granted, I was the only kid on the block other than my brother and sister, cause we lived on a couple of acres in the middle of nowhere.) If only I had understood the true importance of being on construction sites as a kid. I mean, how sexy are construction workers?? A man with a hammer and a tool belt. There is almost nothing sexier. I just went to the site of my dad’s newest project with him. I noticed however, that none of his workers were attractive. Well, one of the guys was ok, but he’s a guy I grew up with (riding dirt bikes and water skiing on family vacations). He’s married with babies now. Well, I’m not sure about the married part. Definite about the babies part. So, even though he’s a framer (arguably one of the sexier construction gigs), he’s not even someone I would look at now. I wondered if my dad did that on purpose, or if it just happens if he has no good looking workers. If he had some hotties working for him, he’d show up and be like “Ah, daughter, you’re here. Again. Shouldn’t you be at school or, you know, anywhere else?” And I’d be like “Oh dad. You know how interested I am in your work. I just wanted to…” and then I’d trail off as the hot worker started hammering a nail, or laying down tile, or doing whatever sexy job he has. My dad knows me well enough to know that that’s why I’d be there more than every so often. And yeah, I’d use my position as the boss’ daughter to my advantage. Hey, construction worker. How badly do you want to keep your job? But, nope. That hasn’t happened. Yet. My old boyfriend, the Drywaller, was pretty sexy. Sometimes he’d ask if I wanted to go with him while he worked on a side project with him. “It’ll only take like an hour or so. Real quick. Wanna come?” What kind of question is that? Do I want to go watch you get all sweaty and intense as you work with your hands on the walls? Yes please. I think I’m going to start a business where I sell tickets to chicks to go watch hot construction workers work. I really think there’s a market there. One time the Drywaller came to It Couple’s house to patch a hole. My girlfriend’s and I watched him work. It was fun. Ahhh. Memories. Ok, so. I underestimated the coolness of growing up around construction workers. What else did I not appreciate when I lived it?

*Wearing a Catholic Schoolgirl Uniform. When I was in high school, I actually hated going out in public in my uniform. It was so nerdy to me. “But mom! Everyone will know I’m in high school!” The uniform itself wasn’t bad. Our pleated skirts were short. And we wore white shirts and only had to wear the blazer on certain days. We wore boxers under our skirts, and it was a competition to have the coolest boxers hanging out. Throw in the occasional knee socks, and it’s like we were living in a porno background. But, I didn’t get this at the time. My school was right across from UCLA, and as seniors, we were able to go there sometimes for lunch. I used to not go, cause I thought all the boys would think we were dumb little high school girls. On second thought, maybe, for my own safety, it’s better that I didn’t understand the appeal of the uniform.

*Having an older sister who went to USC when I was in high school. My sister went to USC. USC had hot guys. And college parties. I did not use this to my advantage nearly enough. I think she took me to one college party with her. I was sitting on the sofa, all awkward and nervous (I get very awkward and nervous when I’m in unfamiliar situations and around people I don’t know). A guy she knew came over and sat next to me and talked to me for a bit. My sister came over and sat between us, and reminded him I was in high school. Again, maybe it’s better I didn’t understand the appeal of being in high school at that point.

*Having a brother who parties. A lot. My brother is always going to parties or bars. He always invites me, but I say no. I’m more of a homebody. But, if I were to go to a party or bar with him, then I’d increase my likelihood of meeting people. Then again, he hangs out mainly in Huntington Beach bars, and I hate HB bars. And I think if I actually tried to talk to a guy, he’d come over to throw salt in my game. Or one of my adopted brothers would. Maybe I didn’t underestimate this one.

*Living so close to Oceanside. If I love Marines so much, why am I not hanging out down there more, where I’m more likely to meet some? Bad planning on my part.

*Going to law school. Guys love smart girls. I really need to figure out how to capitalize on that fact, without being pretentious or bragging. “What do I do? Oh, this little thing called law schoooool. Yeah, I’m pretty awesome.” Yeah, maybe that wouldn’t work. But, if I found a way to throw out the fact that I have a good head on my shoulders without making it so obvious, then I think that can work to my advantage.

Happy 2010!

I love New Years. I love everything about it. The symbolism, the hope, the expectations. The desire that this year will be even better than the last. The wanting to make oneself a better person. The shared vocalization of things that you want to work on within yourself. It’s just all so great. I’m a hopeless romantic. That has been established. But, I think I romanticize New Years Eve more than anything else. I think that it is so symbolic of how I will be spending my upcoming year. Normally I hang out with my family, or at least my sister. A few times I’ve spent the evening with good friends. This year I decided that what I really wanted to do was just stay at home with my sister’s dogs. She was going to a party with her boyfriend, so I’d have cuddle time with the puppies all to myself. I had many invitations to go to various different parties and events. My sister and her man invited me with them. It Couple invited me to go watch a band play in Hollywood. The Newlyweds and the Babytalkers invited me to ring in the new year with them (that was the one I was actually planning on attending). PIC invited me to a small gathering at her house. The Comic invited me to a party with him. (Though, upon talking to him, I think I would have been more of a cockblock than anything, cause apparently he was on fire last night!) My parents invited me to Palm Springs with them where they went to party at a gay bar (and I did receive many drunk texts from my dad. Hilarious!) ATC says he invited me to go to a Flogging Molly show with him, but I argue that he never actually invited me. But, apparently I inadvertently turned him down without even knowing it. So, I had options. I just really, really wanted to be mellow and stay home. That’s what I did. And, it was perfect! I was able to wake up this morning clear headed and happy, thinking about all the things which 2010 will bring: graduating from law school, taking the bar, passing the bar, and, EEK, turning 30! It’s a year of milestones!! So I woke up happy and went over to It Couple’s house, where we had breakfast. The Newlyweds were there. The Baby Talkers were there. Mrs. Newlywed’s best friend and sister were there too (I need to come up with good names for them, cause I have a feeling those two crazy girls will be in a lot more stories in the future. They’re really fun girls!) We sat around eating breakfast (there was an episode with moldy syrup- did you know syrup got moldy?? Yeah, we didn’t either!) and drinking mimosas. To be fair, I didn’t drink anything, cause I’m still tore up from girl’s night. Then we played Catch Phrase, which was hilarious. The girls sat at the table for hours talking. Then we decided we needed lunch at 3pm, and went to the Newport BrewCo. A couple more hours talking and laughing! It was so fun!! I texted with the Marine a little. He and his mom are probably going to rent a car. That makes sense. I told him that I still want to see him no matter what. He said we’ll see. We had a little back and forth for a few texts. At this point, I’ve already broken all the rules, and he deploys in a week, so what’s the point of abiding by the rules? I told him that I’m excited to see him when he gets home. I know, I know. I shouldn’t do that. I promise: the next guy I will play by the rules. When the Marine gets back, if we talk, I will play by the rules. But, for the next week, I will not be playing by the rules. I apologize to all of my feminist friends in advance. I talked to ATC a bit today too. He thinks it’s crazy I’ve never had a New Years kiss. I just think that it’s so symbolic. I don’t want to waste it on just any random person. I know, that’s weird for most people. But, I’m a hopeless romantic, what can I say?! I think that it’d be awesome to get proposed to on New Year’s Eve. How symbolic would THAT be?? But, I mean, it’s hard to think of a story where you’d get proposed to and it doesn’t instantly become a romantic story. I mean, even if it’s “We were looking for my little brother’s retainer in a dumpster when I noticed he was on one knee and he asked me to marry him!” It’s like “awww, he’s so devoted to family! What a good guy!” Or, “My sick cat puked all over the place and we had to clean it up when I noticed that he had a ring in his hand.” It’s still going to be a great story, because it’s your story. Or my story. Or whoever’s story. It’s still a great story. Ok, it’s not the top of the Eiffel Tower at midnight on Valentine’s day. But, cat puke is probably more memorable. As is New Years Eve. So, anyway. After we hung out at BrewCo, I left and went to the beach house to hang out with my sister and her boyfriend. The boyfriend decided he wanted to cook dinner for us. My brother was there too. And then a friend of the boyfriends and that guy’s girlfriend came over. It was fun. We had grilled chicken sandwiches and wine and watched the Hangover. I actually got to see it this time. It’s so good! I think I may have to go buy that movie, cause it’s hilarious. So, all in all, today was a great start to the new year. I was surrounded by family and friends just having a great time! I got texts from a cute boy which made me smile. And I woke up not hung over. Oh, and the Twilight Zone marathon wasn’t bad. OH! And, when I first turned on the Rose Parade this morning (I absolutely love the Rose Parade!!) it was JUST as the Marine Corps color guard came on the tv. I think that’s a sign. Not sure of what. But, a sign nonetheless. I hope it’s a sign that I get to see my Marine tomorrow. I miss him, and he leaves soon! I want to see him so badly!! Has that been made sufficiently clear? I’d love to start my new year by seeing him right away. Fingers crossed that that happens! Happy 2010 to everyone!! I have a feeling this year is going to be an amazingly crazy one!!