cheesiness

Is it weird that I feel like I have a boyfriend, even though I’ve never actually met him? New Marine and I have been really getting to know each other. He emails me in the morning when he gets work so that I have a “good morning” email to wake up to. Then we email all day while he’s working. Then he texts me on his way home, and if I’m not at school, he’ll call me at night. On Saturdays we have a Skype date. It’s not like a standing thing. But last Saturday we had one, and this Saturday we’re going to have one. It’s almost like hanging out. Almost. Ok, it’s nothing like hanging out. But, it’s the closest we’re going to get. I’d love to go visit him. But, my bank account has other ideas. And he’s starting this class so he can’t come out until late April. He brought up coming out for my graduation, but that seems a little awkward for a first time meeting. “Hi. Nice to actually meet you. Now meet my entire family and all of my friends.” Awkward. I mean, if that’s how it has to be, then ok. Just seems like a prior meeting would be better. The whole situation seems weird. But it’s working pretty well. He’s super sweet, which throws me off a little. I tend to date jerks. But, New Marine is thoughtful and caring. I almost wonder if he’s too sweet and caring. But, then I remind myself that he’s a Marine, so he has to be tough too. And his boss wants him to go to Drill instructor school, so I guess he has to be really tough. It Girl thinks that he needs to show me his Drill Instructor side, so that I can see his toughness. Cause right now, I think I could walk all over him. That’s true. I do think that. I mean, I don’t think that in a bad way. I just know that I will hear from him on a daily basis. I know he’ll be there. I won’t abuse that. It’s kind of a refreshing change. Though, I almost don’t like the side of me that it’s bringing out. For example, the other night It Girl and I were studying for this hectic midterm we had. And at 7:30pm I pick up my phone and make a call. “Hey, I just wanted to call and say goodnight” I say to him. We chat for a minute and then I get back to studying. It Girl and I sit in silence for a couple minutes until I feel the elephant in the room needs to be addressed. “That was so cheesy” I say. “I KNOW!!” she exclaims immediately. I can tell she’s been holding it in, but that she wouldn’t tease me until I brought it up. “But, that’s what couples do! They want to talk to each other just to say goodnight!” she explains. I’ve made fun of her countless number of times for the very same reason: she’ll call It Boy just to say goodnight or something. It’s so cheesy, but I guess she’s right. And New Marine eats that stuff up. He loves anything that shows I’m thinking about him. Like, he loves it when I email his work email address before I go to bed, so he has an email waiting when he gets to work. I think he’s more of a girl than I am! Maybe It Girl is right: maybe I need to see his Drill Instructor side, cause at this point, I think I’m more of a man than he is. Ok, that’s not true. I do appreciate all of the attention. It’s what I want in a man. I like a dude who isn’t afraid to show that he likes me and wants to spend time talking to me and getting to know me and being there for me (well, maybe not literally being there, since he is in North Carolina, and not California. Though, he told me that if he goes to Drill Instructor school, he put in that he wants to be transferred to California and that that would be soon- next year, which he tried to convince me is soon. I suppose in a way it’s not that far away. I just like that he’s already thinking long term and trying to transfer out here to be closer). When I told him how stressed out I was about this midterm, he offered to help me study, though he didn’t know how he would accomplish that, but he would do whatever I needed. Like, that is the sweetest thing! I could get used to a nice guy treating me well. I think. Or I’ll abuse the power. Man, I may have issues.

law prom and skype dates

This weekend was law prom. Well, it’s called “Barrister’s Ball”, but the unofficial nickname is law prom. We get all fancied up and go to a place for dinner and dancing. It’s a lot of fun! I have gone all three years. The past two years I took a gay man as my date. Both years I had a blast. This year I wanted to take a real date. ATC was going to go, but that didn’t work out. Then I wasn’t going to go, since I didn’t have anyone else I really wanted to take. I had options, but no one who I really wanted to take. I wasn’t going to go. But, then I was thinking that not going because I didn’t have a real date was a stupid reason to not go and have fun with my friends. This is my last year to go to prom. And my friends were going. I had to go. Plus, I found a really pretty dress. So I asked Mrs. Newlywed if she would go with me. I thought she would be the perfect person to bring, since she’s besties with the It Couple (which is how I even know her), and she knows The Adorables, who we were also going with. We all had so much fun! We danced all night and drank and did some shots. It was good times for sure. New Marine texted me all night. He was so jealous that he wasn’t able to go with me. He had wanted to fly out this weekend to go with me, but he had a training this weekend. Bad timing. It would have been awesome! Possibly awkward, but very awesome. Though, while it would have been fun to have a real date, I think the date I had was perfect! And I sent New Marine pictures, and texted him and stuff, so it was ok. He called me at one point, but I missed his call, and it was loud. And when I called him back, I think he was already asleep. Granted, it was 3:30am his time. It’s probably best we don’t have drunken phone conversations yet. A few shots of tequila in and I won’t be responsible for what I say.

Saturday I spent with It Girl. We made plans early on to study all day. We knew how much we needed to do. We’d get it done, just after breakfast. Oh, then she realized she needed something from school, so we made a quick trip, but then we’d get all of our work done. Well, maybe we’ll watch one little movie, and then we’ll start studying. Oops, we both fell asleep during the movie. Yeah, studying never happened on Saturday. Instead we decided to go to the store to make dinner and just hang out. I had a Skype date with New Marine. She stuck around for it and was able to meet him. Poor It Girl had to listen as he and I taunted each other for hours over games of Scrabble. New Marine is really growing on me. He’s so sweet and nice. And yet he’s tough and manly. And I keep finding out stuff about him that makes me want to get to know him better and learn more about him. And I was completely at ease with him on this Skype date. I can’t wait til he comes out to visit. I’d really like to spend real time with him, not just Skype time. Maybe it’s time I date a nice guy: one who texts me all the time, and calls and says nice things. What a nice change that will be! It’s funny, cause I know I’ll hear from him everyday. I mean, he even ends phone calls or texts for the night or whatever with “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He’s not into playing games like so many other guys I’ve dated. Yeah, I’m still thinking about the Marine, and I want him to come home, and I’d see what is up when he gets back. But, the more I talk to New Marine, the less I’m hoping that things will work out with the Marine. Now I’m just seeing what will happen in life. Things happen for a reason and will work out the way they’re supposed to. Maybe I’ll never meet New Marine in real life. Maybe he’s just meant to show me what exactly I want in a man, and it’s showing me that I will get it and I don’t need to worry about compromising myself so much if the other person won’t compromise at all. I do hope I meet New Marine though. He’s freaking adorable. And, even It Girl liked him! But, I think she’s partially just stoked that I’m not talking about the Marine. For now I’m just going to focus on the present and not worry about the future. I’m taking life one day at a time, and will see how it all plays out.

Oh, and for the record, It Girl and I had a very productive study day on Sunday. No naps or movies!

blow off

I think FireCop is blowing me off. I got a text from him Friday, and one from him Monday. And that’s it. It’s like enough where he feels like “hey, at least I texted her!”, but not enough to show any level of interest. In my opinion anyway. The funny thing is, I don’t really care. I mean, we had a good time, but I don’t think we really had much in common. So, I’m not bummed if I don’t see him again. I don’t think it would really work out anyway. Last night I was talking to some friends in class about the situation, and they said I should text him today. But, I’m not going to. I think he can figure out how to text me if he’s interested. And, I didn’t like him enough to actually make an effort. I guess I’m pretty picky. I didn’t used to think I was. But, I’ve learned that I am. I don’t like guys easily. But when I do, I do. I guess I’m not one for gray area. Things are black or white in my book. That’s what gets me in trouble in school: all my professors tell me that I’m too conclusory. I’m trying to be more in the middle, but I don’t do well there. I can’t stop thinking about my Marine, even though he’s now been gone longer than I’ve known him. I’m trying to stop myself from reading into “signs” from the universe. Like, the other day I was driving behind a car with a Texas plate and a Metallica song came onto my ipod. Nothing makes me think of the Marine faster than Metallica. Takes me back to all of those Guitar Hero nights. It’s hard to not think of him when things like that happen. But, I just try to think that my reading into things doesn’t matter, and that if things are meant to happen with him, they will. And if they don’t work out, they’re not meant to be. I just hope he’s ok. I keep reading in the news about the new offensive, and it freaks me out. But, I know he’s capable and qualified, and I’m sure he’ll be ok.

Now for the story of ATC and why we’re no longer talking. ATC and I stopped talking just before my birthday in October. We had an ideological difference that he didn’t want to try to figure out. We started talking again in November-ish. (I think it was around Thanksgiving that we became friends again) Well, in mid- December he tells me that he found out that he got a girl pregnant, and that she was two months along. I’m not so good at math, but I was able to figure out that that means he impregnated her on or near my birthday. Immediately after we ended things, while I’m sitting around missing him and being sad, he’s impregnating other girls? She’s a girl who he randomly hooks up with a few times a year (according to him). Yes, I’m slightly naïve, I admit, but I asked if that meant he was going to marry her. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? I dunno. I’ve never been in that situation. He said that they weren’t even going to date, because he knew he didn’t love her and that he would ultimately be unfaithful. So they were going to raise it as friends. Well, he said he’d done some thinking, and that he was going to have to grow up and reprioritize. We were talking everyday and hanging out. And we were making plans to hang out. He was going to be my date to law prom. I figured it was as close to a real date as I’d want. He wasn’t interested in actually dating anyone, and I’m not either as I’m waiting for the Marine. (He would get jealous whenever I’d talk about the Marine.) But then I found out that his baby mama was living with him, and even staying in his bed! He swore nothing happened. But, I wasn’t ever invited to hang out with him when his friends were all together, or to his house, because of the baby mama. And he bought a new house and is moving, and she’s moving with him. It just got to be too much drama for me to handle. And, even though he swore that the baby mama and he weren’t dating, and that she knew he didn’t want to date her, I couldn’t handle thinking that I would stress out another girl. I’m not the type to fight for a guy. I wouldn’t want to do that to another girl. She’s carrying his child! She can have him. So, I told him that I think it’s best that he focus on his situation at home, and that I focus on not getting involved in unhealthy situations and that we no longer talk. That was a couple weeks ago, and I haven’t talked to him since. I miss him. I’m not going to lie about that. We talked everyday. I miss that. I miss how fun he was. But, I just can’t be involved in that. I’m trying to simplify my life, and that’s just unnecessary drama. He blew me off and knocked up some chick. He needs to deal with that himself. I’m not against dating a dude with kids in theory. But, while the woman is still pregnant seems a little too…icky. Man, do I know how to pick dudes, or what?!

Valentine's Scrabble date

I don’t think I could have asked for a better Valentine’s Day. Or a better date in general. New Marine got off duty at 2330. (yeah, it took me a while and some counting on my fingers to translate that to 8:30pm my time) He couldn’t go home though, cause he still had to go back at 0630 to finish his duty. But then he was off at 0800 hours and could go home for the day. (I think speaking in military time is kind of amusing. I might try to implement it into my own life. Though, I think anything after 1300 hours is going to confuse me and require too much calculation. I’m not a math person- that’s why I’m in law school. Not much math.) He went to some sleeping quarter room where he was able to use his laptop and have internet access. So, he logged on to Skype and called me. I was SUPER awkward at first. It was weird, cause here’s this guy I talk to non-stop on a daily basis and have seen a ton of pictures of. But, I was super nervous to actually talk to him “in person” via the web cam. But, I quickly got over my nervousness. And let me tell you, a first date where I can be on my couch and in my workout clothes with my hair in a pony tail is perfect! It’s so comfortable. So we played Checkers first, and I won. I don’t think he actually knew how to play, which is funny. He knew he was going to lose, so he made it his goal to just make sure that I never got kinged. Whatever. I still won. Then we played Scrabble on Facebook while talking on Skype. He kept saying how cute I was when I was thinking, which of course made me all shy and awkward, since I don’t handle compliments well. And he was super adorable when he was trying to think of words. He’d get this pensive look on his face. Then he’d tell me to stop smiling at him, because it was distracting him. I forgot he could see me. Oops. He was ahead pretty much the whole time. Then I caught up. But then he ended up winning. It was a close game though. My last letter was “Q”. No wonder I lost! There was such a good back and forth the whole time. It was just easily comfortable. He’s kind of nerdy tough. I like that; its like the best combination. A guy who can easily beat up anyone if needed since he’s a trained killing machine, but who will also sit around and play Scrabble with me. Perfect! He told me that maybe he shouldn’t talk to me so much, cause he’s worried I’ll think he’s needy. I told him that I like guys who want to talk to me. I don’t need much space myself, so it’s perfect when a guy doesn’t either. It looks like he won’t be able to come out for a visit until mid-April, which is a) far away and b) right before finals. I’ll plan accordingly if it’s then. Plus, I’d still have some study time, cause he could go visit his family and stuff while he’s here too. I dunno. We’ll see. All I know is that I had a great time with him, and it was a great Valentine’s day! Oh, and I found out that he plays the guitar and bass. Sold.

Happy Valentine's Day

Today is Valentine’s Day. I woke up to a text from the New Marine saying “Happy Valentine’s Day”. He also sent me a picture of him in his uniform as he’s on duty right now. It’s cute how sweet and thoughtful he is. (and how good he looks in a uniform!!) And it’s my luck that he’s clear across the country. But, as is becoming extremely evident, I don’t do things the easy way. I’d probably lose interest if he were here and doing nice things. I’ve never really been into Valentine’s Day. Like, I don’t get sad that I’m alone and don’t have a date. I think it’s kind of a cheesy holiday. It’s a day that forces people to be all lovey dovey and do nice things. Guys have to buy flowers and chocolates. Doesn’t that take the meaning out of it? I don’t want a guy to buy me flowers cause he has to. I want him to buy me flowers cause he wants to. On a random Tuesday. “Hey honey. I appreciate and love you and wanted to bring you a bouquet of daisies.” Like, that’s the special stuff. That’s what really gets a girl’s heart fluttering. Not “Here, have some roses cause the calendar told me I had to.” I’d rather not get presents than get them because he felt forced into it. It’s just a case of going through the motions. I guess the good thing about it is that it forces people to slow down and make sure they’re not taking their loved ones for granted. But, I’m more appreciative of smaller gestures. My man bringing me Gatorade when I’m sick or rubbing my shoulders after a stressful day or texting me randomly to just say he was thinking about me is worth more than a box of chocolates on Valentine’s Day. I would be fine ignoring the holiday if I had a boyfriend. Ok, I guess that’s not entirely true. I guess I’m excited about my Scrabble date with the Marine. And I did think it’s cute he texted me first thing this morning. But, if those things hadn’t/didn’t occur, I wouldn’t be too bummed. It’s just another Sunday in my book. I’m going to do the same things I do every Sunday: watch tv, study, think about cleaning my apartment, watch tv and study. I wonder if I’ll hear from the Fireman Cop today? I’m guessing I won’t, cause he’ll think it’s awkward to call me on Valentine’s Day. See, not only does today remind most girls that we’re single, but it also hurts our chances of having a date. It takes the whole day, and possibly few surrounding days, off of the map. A guy won’t want to take a girl out when he’s just started seeing her. He won’t want her to read into it. And he’ll feel awkward, not knowing if he should take her somewhere nice, buy her flowers, etc. And he won’t want to call her, cause that could lead to awkward situations. So, I’m not counting on hearing from Fireman Cop today. I’m desperately trying to follow the rules here. I’m not calling or texting him. If he’s interested, he’ll call. That’s my new motto. Looks like I did actually learn something during my dating hiatus. So, happy Valentine’s Day to everyone. If you need me I’ll be watching movies at home and working on my opening statement for my Trial Practice class. And playing Scrabble with a cute Marine. And even though I’m kind of anti-Valentine’s Day, I may treat myself to a burrito at Chipotle in celebration. And maybe I’ll go to CVS and buy a box of chocolate that’s 50% off.

Post fireman date

I cross another dream off my list. Date with a fireman. Check. One of my life’s goals. Done. And boy was it a good one! And, it was perfectly timed. Friday was his last day as a fireman. Starting this week, he’s going back to LAPD. I mean, dating a hot cop wouldn’t be bad either. But, at least I get to say I went out on a date with a hot fireman. Ok, so we were going to meet at 9:30. But, he ended up getting off work a little early. So we met around 9pm. I got to the spot first. I hate going into bars by myself, but I decided it was less awkward than sitting outside waiting for him. Well, I texted It Girl, and she suggested it was less awkward. I put on my big girl pants and went into the bar, got a table and ordered a beer. Coors Light. I’m classy. He got there a few minutes later. He felt bad that I beat him. I told him I make it a point to race everywhere, and was stoked that I won. I guess I shouldn’t admit that I was speeding to a cop. He walked in, and I was a little nervous. But, that faded really quickly. He was super sweet and nice. We talked for a couple hours. It was all the “get to know you” kind of stuff. What kind of music do you like? How many brothers and sisters do you have? All that stuff. But, there were also stories about his work (like the time he had to respond to a call where a pit bull attacked a Chihuahua and he had to try to save the dog) and I told him stories about my old internship. He kept doing what boys always do: talk about future plans. Like, he said he wanted to take me to a shooting range in the next week or two. (I told him how I love to shoot, and haven’t been in such a long time. And how people keep promising to take me, but never do. The Detective and I are supposed to go, but I haven’t even seen her in like 3 months. I miss her and need to hang out with her soon! We still talk all the time, but it’s not the same. She’s a bad ass chick. I need to hang out with her.) I think it’d be really cool to go to a shooting range with a cop. I don’t know why. It just would. And he said how he’s gonna have to take me out and celebrate my graduation (I pointed out that that wasn’t for like 3 months. 97 days. Not that I’m counting.) And when I mentioned that I have Zombieland on DVD, he said that we’ll have to watch that together. But it’s like, don’t say that kind of stuff if you have no intention of following through. You know? I’m not really getting my hopes up for anything. I liked him and he is nice. But, I don’t know that we have all that much in common. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ll hang out with him again if he wants, and I’m down to get to know him better. But, I just don’t know. Plus, I kept comparing him to the Marine, and I know I can’t do that. Oh, but it’s not entirely my fault that I compared him to the Marine: they drive the same exact car. Thanks universe. Subtle reminder. Fireman Cop texted me yesterday something cute and small. We exchanged a few texts back and forth. Not too many. There is no plan for a future date yet. And I didn’t hear from him today. But, I’m pretty sure I’ll hear from him. He seemed to dig me. We had pretty good chemistry. We’ll see. At the very least though, I had a date with a hot fireman.

The New Marine texted me all night last night. He was out for drinks with a buddy and got trashed. His texts were pretty amusing. He also sent me a couple pictures of himself. He is smitten. It’s cute. It’s also too bad he doesn’t live out here so that we could meet and see if we hit it off in real life. He called me at like 2:30am his time and we talked for like an hour and a half. He said he just likes hearing my voice. Awwww. Today we talked online for a long time. He wants to come out and visit. He either has to come before March 1, or after April 16. I told him earlier works better for me, cause later is right before finals. And then the bar. I wouldn’t mind having someone around while I’m studying (I studied at the Marine’s house many times during finals, and that worked really well.) but, since it’d be our first time hanging out, it’d just be awkward. “Hey, thanks for coming out to California to hang out. I need to study.” That just doesn’t work so well. Nothing is probably going to come of talking to New Marine, but at least it’s a fun distraction. And he’s so sweet. Tomorrow we have our Valentine’s Scrabble date. He told me yesterday that he has to be at work during it, so he’ll be in his uniform. I told him that’s like an extra present for me. I’m going to be playing Scrabble with a Marine in his uniform. I don’t think I could create a fantasy that awesome! (Yes, I realize exactly how nerdy I am.) Get ready for the triple letter score.

Pre-date with a hot fireman

I’m about to go out on my date with the fireman. I have to admit: I’m really excited! A hot fireman! Emphasis on hot! Part of me is really sad, cause this is the first date I’ve gone on since the Marine. If I had my choice, there wouldn’t be any fireman or any other guy in my life. Just my Marine. Just me waiting for my Marine. But, that’s not how it’s going to be, I guess. I haven’t even heard from him since he’s been gone. I don’t expect much from him. But, at the same time, is it that much to ask for a letter or email? Just 1 line, and I’d be stoked. I’d be stoked for a blank email just if I see his name pop up in my inbox. But, I guess that just shows that he’s not thinking about me, and so I need to move on. A hot fireman is just what the doctor ordered. Oh, except that when I told NBF about my upcoming date, he made me feel bad about the Marine. “I thought you weren’t dating? Guess you don’t care about a certain someone in Afghanistan.” (Or something to that effect. Affect? I can never figure out which one to use when.) So NOT fair!! I would gladly wait for my Marine if I had any inkling that he wanted me to. Stupid NBF.

On Tuesday the Fireman texted me around noon to see if I was feeling better. (CUTE!) I responded that I wasn’t, but that I was optimistic that I would be feeling better the next day. And I asked how his day was. No response. Burn! I guess he doesn’t date sickies. I dunno. So, yesterday morning I texted him to say I was feeling better, and I was still down to hang out tonight. No response. I guess I shouldn’t be shocked that a hot fireman was blowing me off. He probably rescued some damsel in distress from a burning fire and they ran off to Vegas together. Cut to last night when I get home from school and get a text from him “Hey so are we still on for tomorrow??” I text him back. No response. So, after about 30 minutes I called him and left a voice mail asking if he’d gotten any of my texts. I hear from him a little while later. His phone was broken, and he hadn’t been getting any texts! So, he thought I was blowing him off, cause he didn’t get any of mine! Luckily he was persistent and followed up! We ended up texting back and forth all night. And then he called me and we chatted for about an hour and had a cute and fun conversation. Today he’s been texting me a lot for the past hour and a half. I’m actually really excited to meet him! We’re meeting up for drinks sometime after I get out of class. It depends on when he gets done with work. I am SUPER excited. I’m trying not to blow it here. So, I’m not gonna be aggressive or door matty. I’m going to play it cool, like the catch that I am. Oh, and I dressed pretty well. It Girl came over last night to assist in the wardrobe selection. She wouldn't let me wear the jeans I wear like every other day. (What can I say?? I love my Levi's!) So, I'm wearing these new jeans that are super cute..but too long for me. (I temporarily hemmed them with duct tape. Yeah...I MacGyvered my date jeans.) And this camisole top that is brown velvet. It's super low cut, so I feel really awkward. But, hey, the things one does for a hot fireman. I'm also wearing my bomber jacket. Of course. And I did my make-up and straightened my hair to the best of my abilities. That means it looks like a 7 year old boy did my hair and make-up. That's how inept I am at things like that. But..maybe I'll just buy him a couple shots of tequila. Everyone looks better through beer goggles, right? Oh wait. What happened to my new found cockiness? He's gonna drool when he sees me! There..that's better.

Oh, and I have a Valentine’s date. Well, kind of. The New Marine asked if I had plans. I said no. He said he didn’t either. So, he asked if I wanted to Skype and play Scrabble. So that’s what we’re gonna do. Kind of cute. He is super attentive and sweet. He texts or emails me everyday. And he likes to call me every night. The other night I didn’t get out of class until 9:30pm, and he still wanted me to call just to say goodnight. So, I called him at 12:45am his time, and woke him up. But, he didn’t mind. I felt bad. It sucks that he’s not closer so I can meet him to see if we even get along in real life. In pretend life, he’s pretty much perfect. I just can’t get my hopes up for a guy I’ve never met who lives on the other side of the US. He’ll come out here at some point. That’ll be fun.

But..in the meantime…I have a date with a hot fireman. And, I’m hoping that it turns out in the kind of way that most of the story will be required to be told in private emails to my close girlfriends. Um..you know…that we went to Bible study.

dear blog

Dear Blog.

I owe you an apology. I’ve been holding out on some stories. If you forgive me, I promise to never withhold again, and to catch you up. I’ve had a secret profile on a free online dating site. I didn’t mean anything by it. I just thought I’d put it up and see what happened. It was done out of sadness over the Marine ditching me, not because I wanted to meet someone and not report it to you. I just didn’t think it warranted being mentioned, cause I really didn’t think I would talk to anyone seriously. Really. I just didn’t want to waste your time. Well, I’ve met someone. And now I knew it was time to fess up and explain. Please see my attached letter of explanation.

Sincerely Yours,

Single Girl


Ok, so I’ve been on this free dating site. I didn’t really have much desire to start talking to people. On the one hand, I’m really hoping things work out with the Marine when he gets back. And I need to focus on school and the bar in the meantime, and don’t have much time to devote to dating. On the other hand, I’m single and young. And who really wants to be alone? I’ve been using my alone time to really do some soul searching. I think it’s been good for me. I’ve realized some things about myself. Like, I can’t get mad at other people for things I do myself. I can’t be mad at my friends who have boyfriends for flaking, when I do the same thing myself. I mean, maybe not to the same extent, but I do sometimes. I need to maintain my separate identity and have time with my friends when I date a guy. It’s ok to say I can’t hang out with him cause I have my own life. I think he’d respect me more. Who is attracted to a doormat with no life who is always around at their beck and call? Not me. So, why would I expect a guy to like me when I act like that? Just doesn’t make sense. I’ve also realized that when I’m pushing for someone to like me, I’m actually just pushing them away. Plus, why would I want to convince someone that they like me? Shouldn’t they just know? I’m kind of a catch. I don’t need to beg someone to be interested in me. And if they’re not, I’ll just move on to the person who is; the person who realizes what a catch I am. And, saying I’m a catch doesn’t make me conceited. It makes me honest and observant.

Now onto the good stuff. So this site does wonders for the ego. I seriously get like 10 smiles a day, and a few emails. I’m extremely popular on here, which is great. Denying people makes one feel awfully good about oneself. I’ve been talking to a few guys. Just having fun talking to them; getting to know them. I’ve narrowed it down to 2 guys I actually like. Ok, well 1 guy who I actually like, and 1 guy who I just started talking to who is intrigued. The first guy is a Marine (Shocking. I like a Marine.) This guy is an enlisted Marine- a Sergeant. He’s originally from California, which is cool. He’s stationed in North Carolina, which is not cool. We’ve only been talking for a few days, but he’s so attentive. Like, he texted me all throughout the Super Bowl yesterday, even though he was hanging out with friends. And he emailed me a bunch today from work. Oh, and he added me on facebook (which is funny, cause I just got done talking to some girlfriends about how facebook spells disaster for new relationships, and you shouldn’t add a guy until you know him well and things are serious. Things are too easy to misconstrue or misunderstand when you see things on there and don’t understand. Like, there’s pictures of him with a girl. Who is she? Are they dating? Does he wish they were dating? Have they kissed? Do they hang out? I don’t need to have this added stress on top of getting to know him!) But, the fact that he added me on facebook was cute. I’m having fun getting to know him. And, I’m putting my new learned things into practice. Like, I let him initiate contact. And..well I don’t know if I don’t get mad if I don’t hear from him, cause I always hear from him. Like, today I woke up to an email from him. He must have emailed me right when he got to work. (Cute!) I’m not exactly sure what he does for the USMC, but it’s some kind of desk job. I think we’ll call this guy NC, since the Marine is already taken. Nothing will probably come of me talking to a guy who lives on the other side of the US, but it’s a fun distraction. And he’s said he’s going to take a trip out here to see me. We’ll see if that actually happens.

The other guy is a fireman. Sold. He used to be LAPD. Even better. Yeah, you read correct. He used to be a cop, and then became a fireman. If he started out as a Marine, he would be the perfect man! We’ve been talking a little bit for the past couple of weeks. Nothing too much. Like an email a week. But then last night he asked for my number. Today I sent it to him, and he immediately texted me. Then he called me. But, I was getting ready for school, so I decided to just let it go to voicemail. I called him later and left a voicemail telling him he could call me back after 5 when I’m out of class today. He seems pretty cute. And he’s a fireman! Did I mention that? Well, he said he’s actually going back to LAPD, cause there’s too much down time as a fireman. Our texts were cute and flirty. Not too aggressive, but not too “friends-only”. And he alluded to hanging out more than one time, which is cute. I don’t even know that guys do that and get a girl’s hopes up. Don’t refer to hanging out again in the future if you have no desire to. In this case, it’s not a big deal, cause we haven’t even met in real life yet, so who knows if we even click. But, I’m just saying. It can be annoying. He wants to hang out and grab drinks. I’m kind of putting that off for a bit, cause I’ve been sick for a week, and I think I need to get better first. I mean, unless a runny nose and raspy voice is sexy? Who isn’t intrigued by a hacking cough? Sexy.

Anyway. Those are my updates for the day. I think the universe is rewarding me for all of my soul searching and attempts for making my life better. And for ending things once and for all with ATC. Oh, that’s right, I haven’t mentioned that yet either. I’ll save that story for next time.

East Coast

I think I may have come up with a great solution to my dating problems. I need to date guys on the East Coast. No, not necessarily East Coast guys. And, I don’t mean move to the East Coast to date guys. I mean, I need to stay here and date guys over there. Let me explain why. The time difference makes me have to play the game. I mean, by default I have to. If a guy tells me to email him the next day or something, the earliest I’d be writing is 11am or noon. I mean, even if I wake up and write him first thing, it’s not first thing to him. He’s been at work for hours, staring at his inbox, wondering when I’m going to get around to emailing him. And, unless he really thinks about the time difference, he won’t assume that I woke up and emailed him first thing when he sees my name pop up in his inbox. He’ll just be stoked. Then there’s the fact that I can’t hang out with him, so I have to have my own life and do my own thing. I can still go out with my friends and do my own thing. I can focus on school and not be distracted. I can make plans with my girlfriends to drink 4 bottles of wine and not worry if he wants to hang out. He’s not here. He can’t! It’s perfect! I mean, I guess I could just work on not emailing a guy right away, and making him wait. Or making plans with my friends and telling him that he’ll have to wait til the next time I’m free. But, him being far away on the East Coast just makes it’s easier. I can’t be bad even if I want to break any or all of the rules! I’m all about shortcuts and not working as hard as I need to in fixing myself. This solves everything.

time of need

Last night one of my girlfriends* cut her fingers while washing dishes. Said girlfriend is almost as accident prone as I am, and is always cutting, burning, injuring herself in the kitchen. I wasn’t there, but apparently this cut was deeper than usual and gushing blood. Her boyfriend, who should be used to her hurting herself, got all freaked out. You’d think she shot herself in the stomach and was on the verge of dying. He was running around like a headless chicken, screaming frantically. (OK..a) I don’t know how a headless chicken would scream, but I’m not going to change that description, cause I think it’s funny; b) again, I wasn’t there, so I don’t actually know how he was reacting, but again, I think that description is funny, so I’m going with it. Plus, I don’t actually think it’s too far off based on my seeing his past reactions to said cutting, burning and injuring herself.) She had to calm him down and tell him what to do. Rationally, it would seem almost better if she was by herself, because then she could have calmly looked up a local urgent care and driven herself there, rather than trying to calm down her freaked out beau. But, on the other side, maybe his freaking out helped her calm down. She was able to focus on him and calming him down, rather than on the piercing pain in her thumb, and the gushing blood. It’s a nice distraction. He texted me to let me know what happened. I said I would go to the ER with them, but he said it was ok. To be fair, I’m horrible around blood, and hospitals in general, so I don’t know that I would have been much calmer. I wanted to be there for my friend in her time of need. Well, that and I wanted to be at a place where there were potentially hot doctors. (I kid. I kid.) But, it got me thinking about how that might be what I miss most about being single. Yeah, having a guy around in general is nice. Cuddling on the couch. Making dinner. Doing all that couply stuff. That’s all nice and fun. But, it’s having someone around when you’re hurt or in trouble is what I miss. I like having someone there to fix the problem. Or at least be with me when I fix my own problem. If I had cut my finger, I would have had to go to the ER by myself. I mean, I have friends who would go with me. And I’d call my mom, and she’d run down to me as fast as she could (my mom would actually break the sound barrier getting to one of her children who needed her. Before I’d hang up the phone, I’d hear her in the hospital hallway “Where is my baby?!” She’d probably beat me to the ER, and I live 5 minutes away, whereas she lives an hour away. That’s how fast my mom would be there.) But, while I appreciate friends and family, it’s different having a boyfriend with you. It’s a different kind of comforting. When I burned my leg last month, it would have been cool to have a boyfriend to hold my hand and tell me it’s going to be ok, or to bandage me up. I couldn’t even tell the Marine, cause I didn’t want him to worry about me while he’s gone. “You burnt your leg on your laptop?! How am I going to fight in a war and not worry about you hurting yourself on something that is safe for 99% of the population?!” It’ll be a funny story for when he gets back and sees the scar and asks what happened. “Funny you should ask…” (Ok, that’s assuming we hang out when he gets back. Again…hopeful, not expectant.) I spoke with my friend this morning, and she said that her boyfriend was great at the ER: he distracted her while they sewed up her finger. I guess she was trying to watch?!?! He distracted her and forced her to not watch. And he held her hand the whole time. Sweet! She had to get 7 stitched. Not sweet. Oh, but she also said the male nurse was super hot and that the guy who bandaged her hand was really hot. I knew I should have gone to the ER with them! I mean…strictly to support and comfort my friend. That’s the only reason. No ulterior motives. I swear.

*To protect the identity of my accident-prone friend, I am not using her normal moniker.

Dream Weaver

I’m sure that my incessant talking about the Marine is getting annoying. But, I’m going to do it anyway. I can’t stop thinking about him. And there’s not much else going on in my life boy wise. I had the best dream about him! He was back and I was helping him unpack and I kept saying “I can’t believe you’re back” over and over. It felt so real. I woke up with this huge grin on my face and just felt happy. It’ll be 3 weeks on Wednesday since he’s been gone. It seems like so much longer than that. But only 3 weeks. But, on the plus, it’s that much closer to him getting back. I haven’t heard from him yet. I’m still hoping that I will. I’m not expecting to. I’m cautiously hopeful. I’m sure at some point while he’s gone I will. Right?! This is definitely testing my patience. And, for the record, I think I’m doing pretty good. (Hey, there’s nothing wrong with patting oneself on the back when one truly deserves it!) I mean, to be fair, I rarely talk about him to people. And I don’t whine about it on facebook. I’m being good. Just because I’m picturing various scenarios of our reunion doesn’t mean anything bad. It means I have too vivid of an imagination. Here are some of my favorites:

Scenario 1:
The first is pretty normal. He tells me ahead of time when he’s getting back and that he wants me there to greet him at the gates. I bring It Girl with me for moral support, because I’m way too nervous and emotional to go alone. We wait for him along with all the other families of Marines. Then all the arriving Marines get there. It’s a sea of chaos. I’m searching frantically for him. Then I see him. (Cue the Dream Weaver* song here. Hey..it worked for Wayne in Wayne’s World when he saw Cassandra, why wouldn’t it work here for me?) We run to each other in slow motion. Well, not really in slow motion, but it feels like slow motion. And my hair would flow really cool in slow motion. I jump into his arms as he picks me up and swings me around. (Yes, I plan on losing weight to make sure this could happen.) We hug for an hour and a half. Well, not really, cause that would be awkward. I mean, how would you end a hug that long? At one hour and thirty-one minutes you’re like “Ok, that seems long enough. So…how’s it going…?” But we hug for a really long time. And I cry, because even in my fantasies I’m a big cry baby. It’s ok. I accept that about myself. It’s endearing really.

Scenario 2:
He doesn’t tell me when he’s getting home. I just know roughly when it is. I’m sitting at my apartment one day studying. I’m frustrated and overwhelmed with studying for the bar. But, I’m persevering, and sticking through with it. There’s a knock at the door. I’m expecting it to be It Girl (why is she in all of the scenarios?) to study. I think to myself that it’s weird that she doesn’t just come in like she normally does. I figure maybe I left the door locked a little (If the deadbolt isn’t completely put on “unlocked” it gets stuck.) and go to open the door. I open the door prepared to say “I meant to lock you out” or something equally sarcastic. But it’s not It Girl. It’s the Marine. Standing in my doorway. The Marine is in my doorway. I just burst into tears. He laughs and hugs me. He got my address from all my letters and wanted to surprise me. In some variations he has daisies, because he remembers a letter I wrote where I said that I loved the part in You’ve Got Mail where Tom Hanks shows up with a bouquet of daisies cause Meg Ryan mentioned a long time ago that they’re her favorite. And I love that Meg Ryan says they’re the friendliest looking flower. They really are. Anyway, he remembers my saying that, so he bought me some to surprise me.

Scenario 3:
It’s the day of my law school graduation. I’m stoked in my cap and gown with my friends. I go up on the stage and get hooded by my favorite professor. (For non-law school people: “hooded” is the process of the student getting this sash thing which gets worn with the cap and gown. For law school people: you know who my favorite professor is.) I shake the professors hand and then go get my diploma. While I’m looking out at the audience I see a Marine. (I have Marine radar- “MarineDar” if you will- and can spot one from a mile away.) I think how cool it is that someone else has a Marine there, and am slightly bummed it’s not my Marine. Well, the ceremony ends, and I go to find my family and friends to start celebrating. I’m standing with everyone posing for pictures and whatnot, when the Marine starts walking in my direction. It takes me two seconds to realize that it is him. I stand there, too stunned to move (though Dream Weaver is playing in this scenario too. I’m not too stunned to have a soundtrack start in my brain) and make him walk all the way to me. “Congratulations.” He says. I throw my arms around him and hug him so tightly. And I cry. And he mocks me for crying: “Are you crying??” To which I respond: “You’re a jerk. Is it time for you to go back to Afghanistan yet?” And with that, all is right with the world again.

Ok, these are just a few of the scenarios. I could go on for days, but maybe I’ll save more for a different day. And yes, I know that none of these are likely. What will most likely happen will be that I get a phone call in August with him saying “Yeah, I’ve been home for a month and a half now.” But, who wants to dream about anything realistic? Boring!

*For reference:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPWNsGFXCZk

Lyrics (As if everyone doesn’t already know the lyrics by heart!!!!!):

Dream weaver
I've just closed my eyes again
Climbed aboard the dream weaver train
Driver take away my worries of today
And leave tomorrow behind
Ooh dream weaver
I believe you can get me through the night
Ooh dream weaver
I believe we can reach the morning light

Fly me high through the starry skies
Maybe to an astral plane
Cross the highways of fantasy
Help me to forget today's pain

Ooh dream weaver
I believe you can get me through the night
Ooh dream weaver
I believe we can reach the morning light

Though the dawn may be coming soon
There still may be some time
Fly me away to the bright side of the moon
And meet me on the other side

Ooh dream weaver
I believe you can get me through the night
Ooh dream weaver
I believe we can reach the morning light
Dream weaver
Dream weaver
Dream weaver