Songs to heal

I've still been so bummed. But, I've finally decided that I need to stop stalking TB. I've called him and texted him a few times and no response. How can he just ignore me? Like, he looks at his phone and sees my name and deliberately ignores it. I just don't get it!! I'd like to think it's cause he's too emotional and just can't talk to me cause he's worried he'll cry. It's probably cause he's just over it. Though, I don't actually believe it. I don't think a guy turns into a huge douchebag in 2 days. And, I think that I knew him pretty well before. I'm hoping that he'll snap out of it. I'm praying that he'll snap out of it. I would gladly answer my phone if I see his number pop up. (I say "number" and not "name" because I deleted his number. It was the only way I could stop calling him.) I don't think I'm going to hear from him though. I think he's just too macho to ever come back and ask for forgiveness. I hope not. I'm not refunding my plane ticket yet. I can't bring myself to do it. In the meantime, I've been crying a lot. And, I've taken to journaling everytime I want to call him. I've also watched my favorite movie Once like a thousand times, and keep listening to the soundtrack on repeat. One song in particular: The Hill. I think it sums up my feelings perfectly. The part that gets me most is: And I know that in the morning/I'll have to let you go
And you'll be just a man/Once I used to know. I don't want him to be just a man that once I used to know. I want him to be my man. But, I guess my wanting it isn't enough. Sad. Anyway, I'll post the song for your listening pleasure. I'm hoping to be less mopey soon. Sorry in advance and please bear with me until I'm healed. I just really don't get how we go from establishing our anniversary date to breaking up? Ok..time to listen to my song again.





Walking up the hill tonight
And you have closed your eyes
I wish I didn't have to make
All those mistakes and be wise
Please try to be patient
And know that I'm still learning
I'm sorry that you have to see
The strength inside me burning

Where are you my angel now
Don't you see me crying?
And I know that you can't do it all
But you can't say I'm not trying
I'm on my knees in front of him
But he doesn't seem to see me
But all his troubles on his mind
He's looking right through me
And I'm letting myself down
By satisfying you
And I wish that you could see
That I have my troubles too

Looking at you sleeping
I'm with the man I love
I'm sitting here weeping
While the hours pass so slow
And I know that in the morning
I'll have to let you go
And you'll be just a man
Once I used to know
And for these past few days
Someone I don't recognize
This isn't all my fault
When will you realize

Looking at you leaving, I'm looking for a sign