girl's night and drunk texts

Is there anything better than girl's night with your friends? Last night It Girl and Mrs. Newlywed came over to my place. We got a pizza and decided to open a bottle of wine while watching the Hangover. Well, 3 hours 3 bottles of wine and 1 bottle of champagne later, I was hurting. We ended up talking more than watching the movie. It’s so fun to just have a few drinks and chat with friends. There’s something very relaxing, fun, and exciting about it. We chatted about my inability to have a relationship, and about my interest in the (hopefully only momentarily) unattainable Marine. We talked about the going-ons in their own lives too. It was just a fun therapy session. I got hammered though, so I probably couldn’t repeat a lot of what I said if I wanted to. I know that I was texting back and forth with ATC for a bit. We’ve been talking a lot lately. He wants to hang out soon, but I told him I can’t hang out until after the Marine deploys. I suppose I could have hung out while the Marine was in Dallas. But, you’d better believe that I’m not making plans with anyone else during his last couple of days while he’s here. I drunk texted him last night too. I’m a horrible drunk texter. It’s one of my bad habits. But, I felt the need to talk to him, so I texted. It was just a “Hey! This is officially a drunk dial! Hope you’re having a great night too!!” He didn’t respond, so I tried not to read into that. He was probably out with his friends or something. It’s ok. I didn’t mind the non-response, as long as he wasn’t mad that I texted in the first place. (Why am I SOOOO horrible at giving someone space??) Besides, I had my flirty back and forth with ATC going on to distract me. Well, then around 10, I got sick. I ended up lying on the floor by the toilet for a couple hours. (EW!) Apparently I texted him again that I was sick. I actually don’t remember doing that. But, the phone log indicated that I did. Apparently I thought that would make me feel better. Maybe it did. I really couldn’t tell you at this point. Well, I eventually made it to my bed and passed out. At 1:30am I got a text from the Marine. “Are you ok??” Picture me lying in bed on my back in my clothes, holding my teddy bear and now grinning from ear to ear that he wrote to me. And yes, I’m still wasted. So I wrote back that I probably drank enough for all of 2010, but that I was ok. He responded that he’d gone to bed early and woke up and saw my texts. And that he was going back to bed and to not do anything he wouldn’t do. (That doesn’t place many restrictions, cause he’s kind of crazy) So I responded that I was already tucked safely in bed and that I was just going to sleep. I think it’s so cute he responded and was worried about me. Only 2 more nights and then he’s back in California. I can’t wait to see him! No more drunk texts though. I’ve decided I’m not going to text him happy New Year tonight. Unless he writes to me first. The old me would have texted him at 10pm (Dallas’s new years). But, that just seems crazy and way too thoughtful. At this point anyway. Maybe if we’d been dating for longer or something. I just need to wait it out, and I’ll tell him happy New Year when I see him in a couple days or when I talk to him if he calls tomorrow about whether or not I’m going to pick him and his mom up from the airport. I can’t wait to see him!!! Have I said that yet?

A couple more days

My hair stylist told me that I have horrible taste in men. Yesterday I went in to get my hair cut. I filled her in on the last couple of months of dating: took her through ATC and all the first dates, and ended with the Marine. I could see how she would think that I have bad taste in men from that. Ok, I could see how anyone would think that from most of my past relationships. She suggested I look into an arranged marriage. To be fair, she thought the Marine sounded pretty great, but that the timing sucked. So maybe it’s not bad taste in men, but that I like unavailable men. I would probably agree with that. It’s not something I try for. Just seems that those are the guys I attract. With the Marine, it’s just timing. He said that himself a few times. I’m trying so hard to not think about what he’s doing while he’s gone. In my mind, he’s hooking up with like every girl he sees and loving all them more than he loves me. (Not that he loves me. But you understand what I’m saying) I’m trying so hard to stop that. Tomorrow night will be sad, cause I’m going to picture him kissing some really beautiful girl at midnight. I really hope that’s not what happens. I mean, if it happens it happens. There’s nothing I can do about it. But, I really hope it doesn’t. That’s why I’m going to try to not even think about it. I’m the one who made the decision to not see anyone else til he leaves. I’m sure I could go out with other people if I wanted. I’m currently putting a couple guys on hold on eharmony. (One guy has the same first name as the Marine, which just seems weird right now.) They’ve asked me out, but I’m delaying for the next week or so. It’s my decision. I can’t be bummed if the Marine isn’t doing the same. I’ve promised myself I won’t ask him about that when I see him. I can’t wait to see him! Only a few more days. It sucks, cause I want time to fly by and him to be home. But, then the sooner he’s home, the sooner he deploys. So, I hope time doesn’t go too fast. Even if he’s putting me on hold while he’s in Texas, at least I know he’s safe. I’d rather have him in the US and ignoring me than in Afghanistan. Well, and ignoring me. I’m also trying to not be passive aggressive “Well, if you had so many people occupying your time in Texas, then maybe THEY can write you letters while you’re gone!” That won’t do any good. I’m trying so hard to put this whole situation in context. It’s hard. I’m not sure if I’m picking him up from the airport. His mom is flying in with him. So, either I’ll pick them both up or I guess she’ll rent a car. He said he’d figure it out and get back to me. Of course I couldn’t help picture that he’s really coming home with some girl he’s met in Dallas. And then I go to surprise him at his house and she’s there. And I’m like “Wow..your mom sure is young!” How crazy would that be? I mean, that would never happen, cause I think the random stop-by is pretty crazy. Even for me. It’s never a good idea. In the beginning anyway. Maybe after you’ve been dating for a while, it’d be ok. But, that’s tough. I would never mind if a guy did a random stop-by at my house. Like if the Marine showed up on my doorstep, that’d be awesome. Well, and weird cause he doesn’t know where I live. So, then I’d have to wonder why he’s a stalker. But, I’d still be stoked either way. “Awwww, you care enough to stalk me?? That’s so sweet!” In the texts yesterday, it sounds like I’ll still see him, despite his mom being here. (I was worried he won’t want me to hang out, cause he won’t want me to meet him mom, cause that’s too serious or something dumb like that) So, I’m guessing it’s not some random girl. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see. I’m horrible at the wait and see game. But, I have to do it. And I’ve been doing it for almost 2 weeks, so I’m getting pretty good. And, it’s only a couple more days now. YAY!!! Imagine how stoked I’m going to be in May when he’s almost home. I won’t be able to stand it! I mean, even if I’m dating someone else, I’ll be happy that he’s coming home, because it’ll mean he’s safe. Whether or not we’re hanging out, I just want him to be safe! I’m not even concerned with my own feelings or wishes or desires at this point. I just want him to be safe and happy. And the sad thing is: I actually mean that. I know that no matter what I’ll be ok- whether it’s dating him, or someone else; whether he hurts my feelings or not. I’ll be ok. I’m not in mortal danger. He has bigger things to worry about. It’s like, the biggest thing on my mind right now is him and maybe classes. The biggest thing on his mind is that people will be shooting at him, and worse. So, he wins. His feelings are instantly more important. Man…my stylist was right…I like unattainable men! Though, in my defense, 5 months of him being gone isn’t necessarily unattainable. It’s more of an obstacle; a challenge. And, I wouldn’t be an aspiring lawyer if I didn’t like challenges.

Rainy days

So I go to the grocery store this morning to pick up a few things. I was on my way home from LA, where I was dog sitting with my sister. I had just planned on going from her house to my own when I decided I would stop by the store real quick. I was wearing some warm-up pants and a USC hoodie. I ran in and grabbed a loaf of French bread and a bottle of wine. I felt all fancy picking up such sophisticated things. And the bottle cost 9 dollars, so I was feeling really good (no 2 buck Chuck for this girl today!) Then I see this really, really hot fireman walk by. Feeling so sophisticated with my bread and wine, I smile at him. What hot fireman can resist such a sophisticated lady such as myself? I walk by him like I’m so breezy and cool, barely gracing his existence with my smile. Then I get home, set my things down, and walk into the other room. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. The rain has not treated my new cut hair kindly, and it looks like a partially-wavy, partially-froey, completely rats-nesty mess! So much for my sophistication. Note to self: wear a hat next time it rains.

self-help or help yourself?

What is it about the holiday’s that makes everything seem a little more lonely? I mean, you’re surrounded by family and friends, so shouldn’t that be less lonely? I had an awesome Christmas. We had dinner on Christmas Eve with the whole fam, including 2 of my adopted brothers. That was a blast! Then Christmas we did the presents and breakfast thing, followed by Avatar in 3D. We were supposed to see Sherlock Holmes, but there was a screw-up with the times, and it wasn’t starting for an hour and a half. But, Avatar was starting right then. So we saw that. Again. Well, again for me. No one else had seen it. All in all, it was a great time! I didn’t feel lonely til this morning. I took my parents to the airport, so they could go up to San Francisco for the Emerald Bowl. What die-hard Trojan fans they are! My sister and her boyfriend drove up there this morning. I guess I was just sad that I’m sitting at home with her dogs all by myself while she’s off having a great time with her boyfriend on a vacation. They’ve only been dating for a month, and she already gets vacations. She gets texts and calls several times a day. I’ve been hanging with the Marine, and I’m not getting any calls or texts while he’s home in Texas. But, I guess it was my choice to like him. I’m happy for my sister. Bummed for myself. But, then it dawned on me: I love sitting at home with the dogs! Why am I sad? I’m doing what I love most: watching bad TV, eating a burrito from Chipotle and cuddling on the couch with the doggies. Life is beyond good! Dogs are way more dependable than boys anyway. I went to Barnes and Noble tonight. I once again found myself in the self-help section looking for a book on relationships. I’m trying to not be needy and let him have space. But, it’s hard. I’m trying to give the Marine space, but come on. Shouldn’t you miss me a bit and want to talk to me?? Aren’t you worried that when the cat’s away the mice will play? I guess he doesn’t care if I play. That’s the problem. But, he’s leaving soon anyway, so I’m trying to figure out how to just be cool and detach myself without getting angry. I don’t mind waiting around and be there for him when he gets back, but I just don’t want to be used by him. It’d just be awesome if I knew he cared about me on some level as more than an errand girl. I really think he does, otherwise he would have written me off by now. But, it’s hard to know for sure. And I hate the “wait and see” game. But, I guess that’s what I’m stuck doing. Getting a Marine to open up about his feelings might be harder than rocket science. I mean, at least with rocket science there are formulas you can work out. With a Marine…you got nothing to go on. It’s all a guessing game. I guess the point is, I’ll just have to wait and see if he calls me when he’s back in town. I’d like to pick him up from the airport, but I guess I’ll have to see if that happens. Oh…but back to the bookstore. So, there I was in the relationship section looking at some different books, as if they had the answers to all my questions: why am I single; why can’t I meet someone great; what’s wrong with me, etc. And then it dawned on me. There’s nothing wrong with me. Sure, there are things I do wrong (like text a guy when I shouldn’t), but that’s not like a deep problem or issue. That’s something I can fix pretty easy. The thing is- I just haven’t met the right guy for me. And that’s ok. So, I left that section and went to the exercise section where I picked up a book of 101 workouts. It’s this huge muscle guy (who is probably so juiced up that he has the world’s smallest..you know…) showing how to do 101 different types of exercises. And it breaks it down by body part and gives a great detailed description. Maybe I can’t fix my singleness problem on my own, but I can control my body and its strength. I’ve decided that I need to work on myself (both inward and outward) before I can really focus on someone else. As one relationship book says “I give myself away too easy and do too much for guys I’m dating, cause I don’t fully believe in the product.” Well, it’s time I start believing in the product, cause the product is pretty awesome, if you ask me. I have a lot to offer a dude, and it’s time I realize that. I used to feel conceited if I ever said that. But, now I know it’s not conceit. It’s believing in yourself and loving yourself. How can anyone love you if you don’t love yourself? Man, I have been reading self-help books, huh?? But, the point is, it’s time to focus on me, and realize that I am worth more than what I’ve been selling myself for. (My mom says that all the time, but she’s my mom, so she has to. And, I know she’s saying “I told you so!” and “You never listen to me!” consecutively. Great.) So, I think my New Year’s resolution (even though it’s a bit early) is going to be to start working on myself- get myself into shape mentally and physically, be happy with myself, etc. I think that’s great for my mental health, and for going into bar prep time. (early warning: this blog may get pretty boring) And if it is supposed to work out with the Marine, it won’t hurt that I’m in great shape by the time he gets back from Afghanistan in May.

bookstore encounters

I was at the bookstore today. I’ve always said that I think it’d be awesome to meet a guy at a bookstore. I’d be standing there looking at my works of literature by my favorite Victorian authors. And this really hot, smart, sexy guy would start talking to me about Charles Dickens (In my original fantasies, it was Oscar Wilde that he’d talk about, but then I realized that a hot, smart, sexy guy who starts talking about Oscar Wilde probably wouldn’t like girls). Before I know it we’d be engaged in this conversation about all the great works of literature and time would slip away. The store would be closing, and we didn’t even realize we’d been talking for hours. That would be awesome. Today I was at the bookstore, standing in the aisle picking up various books and flipping through them. There was a guy who came into the aisle and stood next to me. He was looking at the books on the shelves. I could feel him looking at me too. You know how sometimes you can just feel someone looking at you? You just know they are without even having to turn your head. Yeah, it was like that. Only, it annoyed me more than it excited me. I don’t care if he was the hottest guy in the world. I don’t care if he was a hot fireman in his uniform. I was annoyed. Here’s why: I was in the self-help section. I’m standing there looking at books titled things like “Why he’s not calling you back”, “The Seven Dumbest Relationships Smart People Make”, or “The Single Girl’s Manifesta”. I wanted to pick up Mars and Venus, but the guy was blocking my access. First off, it’s awkward enough reading self-help books in public. It’s almost like a spotlight starts shining on you “my life isn’t perfect and I may need help getting it sorted out!” Awkward. Second, I’m looking at books about dating, which means I’m obviously not so good at it. Why would a guy want to talk to a girl looking at books like that, unless he figures it’d be easier to seal the deal. “Hey, she obviously has issues. This will be easy!” No dice buddy. Here’s the thing about the books: they didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know. “Oh, I’m NOT supposed to call him 6 times in an hour until he answers?? My bad!” It’s like, I know I shouldn’t text a guy when I do. I’m just stubborn and a natural rule breaker and do it anyway. I channel my inner angsty-teen who is rebelling against all the rules my mom made. I’ll show you! I’m going to text him even though I shouldn’t! There was actually one book I looked at which I thought was cool at first glance. But, then I realized the advice the book was giving was so wrong, and that’s why I liked it. According to this book, after the second date, you can call a guy whenever you want, cause your fate as a couple is sealed after two dates. Now, I know that can’t be right! I mean, I do that as is, and it’s not working. So….. I think the problem is that I’m hoping there’s some big reason I’m single and don’t have a boyfriend. But, there’s not. I’m actually pretty normal. Sure, sometimes I get crazy and needy. But, that’s my insecurity creeping out. If I control my crazy insecurity, then I think I’ll be golden. I think I’m single cause it just hasn’t been meant to be yet. I’ve had other things to work on (i.e. school, myself, etc.). It’s not like I have a tremendously hard time meeting people. It’s not like I’m awkwardly shy or run away crying when someone talks to me "Stranger Danger! Stranger Danger!!!". I’m just picky. And then when I like a guy, I treat it like a case at work (read: something I can argue or research my way into winning) Being persistent and focused makes me a great lawyer, but a horrible dater. Keeping in that vain of thought: it’s day two of kicking back and not texting or calling the Marine. I’ve thought about him a lot, but in a healthy manner (read: not non-stop). I hope he’s having a great vacation and time with his family. I’m sure he’ll eventually miss me and want to say hi. But, I’m going to let him realize that by himself and contact me. It’s not about games. It’s about being more independent and giving him space. And about having faith in the fact that he digs me, and we’ll talk soon enough. And if not, then it’ll happen with a different guy. Just not the creepy guy in self-help section of the bookstore. To that guy: if you had only waited until I made it to the literature, cooking, comedy or even calendar section, you may have had a shot.

The Intern and the Model

In my new theme of living my life, I went to Mass today with my sister. I decided that a little divine intervention would never be a bad thing. It was a really good Mass. I mean, I don’t know if there’s ever such a thing as a bad Mass. But, this one was pretty enjoyable. I think cause they played my favorite hymn, which is the Hallelujah song which they sing in Shrek. Such a good song. After Mass, my sister and I met up with the Intern and the Model. Let me tell you about these guys. (I may have mentioned the Intern in a previous post. I don’t remember. If I did and I repeat, my apologies.) The Intern is this kid who works with my sister. She’s his mentor. He’s 24, and absolutely adorable. He’s from Boston, and seems like what I would picture a typical Bostonian. He has a thick accent. And he says things like “And his mudder [read: mother]! Forget about it!” He’s just the nicest guy. Real hard-working, down-to-earth, nice guy. The Model is his roommate. He’s also from Boston. The two moved out here together. He’s this adorable Italian kid who has the cutest laugh. It’s like a chuckle that makes you want to laugh too. He’s also just a really nice guy. And the two of them together are hilarious. As my sister says, they’re like an old married Italian couple. Here’s a sample bit from a conversation.

Intern: Can we go home before we go out?
Model: Why?
Intern: Cause I want to get something.
Model: What do you want to get?
Intern: I want to get a different shirt. I feel like I should change.
Model: Why do you need to change? You’re fine.
Intern: Cause I want to change my shirt.
Model: You don’t need to change your shirt.

I think this transcription leaves something to be desired. It was so funny in person! It’s just this adorable back and forth banter. Or, when we were leaving.

Model: Walk them to their car!
Intern: Of course I’m going to walk them to their car!

They’re just adorable, thoughtful guys. They were at the same Mass we were at. I don’t know why I think it’s nice when young guys go to Mass on their own. Like, they’re going cause they want to. Not because their mother is making them go. Not just Mass. Whatever religious service a guy goes to. I think it’s nice that they just want to go. I think it speaks highly of a person’s inner character when they go to church because they want to. It’s like they are trying to be a good person. It’s nice to go and think in church. Take some time to just think and organize your thoughts. Maybe re-organize or re-prioritize. At least, that’s what I take from Mass. And I think it’s nice that these young guys decide to go. They’re the guys you wouldn’t think would go. I mean, on any given Friday or Saturday night, you can probably find the Model at some trendy hot spot. He’s a young, good-looking guy who likes to party and meet girls, and have a good time. Yet, he still makes time to go to church every Sunday. So, coffee with them was really fun. And I think that’s the point of living my life. I need to just do my thing and have fun. And I need to remember that I need to come first in my own life. Yes, I will probably never change the fact that a guy I’m dating is a priority in my life. But, I need to remember that I am the first priority. And maybe I don’t need to drop everything to see the Marine. Or whoever it is that I’m hanging out with at the time. I need to do my own thing, and whatever happens will happen. I also realized that I’ve been looking at the Marine situation all wrong. I’ve been stressing about the fact that he’s leaving in 3 weeks. But, what I should be doing, is thinking about him coming back in 5 months. If anything is going to happen, it won’t be now. It will be in 5 months. So, now I need to just be casual with him and hang out and have fun. Keep in touch and send him encouragement while he’s gone. And then, if something is going to happen, it will be in 5 months. Not now. To start something now would be pointless, cause who knows who he’ll be in 5 months. And who knows who I’ll be in 5 months. A lot of this came from talking things over with my sister today. But, that’s what I’ve finally realized. Maybe it was a little divine intervention from the big man upstairs. Maybe it was my wise sister’s advice. Maybe it was being removed from the situation and doing some real soul searching. Maybe it was hanging out with the Intern and the Model and having a great time with them, when I could have just been sitting at home feeling sad that he was gone and not calling. Living my life. That’s my new theme. Doesn’t mean I can’t care about people, or still put myself out there, or go out of my way to make people happy. Doesn’t mean I won’t get hurt. Just means I’m going to be living my life. And if I’m living my life and staying true to myself, then that’s the point of it all no matter what.

Time to calm the crazy

This weekend was full of Marine time. It was pretty awesome. Friday night I went over to his house. He was sick, so I picked up some Chinese food for us. He ate and then promptly passed out on the sofa while his buddy and I watched Tropic Thunder and 8 Crazy Nights (the Adam Sandler movie, pervs!) I always forget how much I love Tropic Thunder until I see it again. It’s so good! “What do YOU mean ‘you people’?” So funny! Poor guy needed to sleep though. I felt bad he wasn’t feeling so great. Then Saturday I went over to his place in the early afternoon. He was sleeping again when I showed up, cause he was still feeling under the weather. I had some work I needed to do for a journal at school, so I didn’t mind. He woke up and we went to get his hair cut. Let me tell you. If things don’t work out with the Marine, I will be hanging out at the barber’s shop. For sure. There were like 20 Marines getting their hair cut. And there was practically a revolving door with them coming and going. But, being the dutiful girl I am, I barely even looked at the other guys in there. Though, I know they were looking at me. First, I was the only woman (aside from the 60 year old woman with her hubby) who didn’t work there. Second, I was wearing a short skirt and boots. Yeah, I could have walked away with 13 numbers. Easy. But, I’m a good girl, and kept my blinders on. I did make a mental note of where this shop was. Just in case. So after he gets his hair cut, we decided to go get some food. Being ever indecisive, I played the “I don’t care” game. It’s not a game. I really don’t care. I hate making decisions, and will be fine with anything. He asks if I wanted to see Avatar. I really had no desire to see it, but I was down since he wanted to go. We went over to the Irvine Spectrum. He was starving, but the movie started right then, or like 3 hours later. We decided to go right then and eat after. I bought him Skittles and a soda to tide him over. The movie was so good! I didn’t really know anything about it. I would see it again for sure. He LOVED it. It was really cute to see how excited he was about it after. He and a buddy texted like excited school girls over how good the movie was. He is already planning on seeing it again within a couple days. We went to In N Out after and got some food. He was literally shaking from hunger. Poor guy. We went back to his place after and I helped him pack. He’s pretty stressed because he has to pack up his whole apartment to move. But, he’s also gone home for 2 weeks, and wanted to have most of it done. So, I took care of the kitchen, and he did the rest of the place. We made a really good dent in the place. He’s still pretty stressed. But, I’m thinking that has more to do with deploying in 3 weeks. This morning I took him to the airport. He’s gone for 2 whole weeks, which sucks. I mean, selfishly, it sucks. I’m glad he gets to go home and spend time with his family and friends before he deploys. But, of course I want more time with him myself. I’m especially bummed he’s not going to be here for New Years. I’ve never had a New Years kiss, and I was hoping to this year. Oh well. Maybe next year. One would think that taking him to the airport and hoping he’d have a good trip would be good and that I could let it go at that. But, what kind of blogger would I be if I didn’t have some drama arise? I texted him a few times after I dropped him off. When he got out, he gave me an awkward hug and told me to “take care”. What the crap does that mean? I guess I could have let it go as he’s stressed and sick and trying to catch a flight. But, how about “ok, I’ll call you soon” or something like that? Is that too much to ask for? Of course my overactive brain kicked in and my insecurities surfaced. So we texted a little back and forth and then I called him. We basically talked about the level of seriousness before he deploys. He just wants to have fun before he deploys and not have to get serious or think about things while he’s gone. That makes sense. I don’t know why I can’t just let it be casual and see what happens. He said that he’s not seeing anyone else and isn’t planning on it. Why can’t I just let it be that? I think I’m looking at it from too rational a point. “Well, if I’m not seeing anyone else, but then he makes out with a new chick, then I’m going to get hurt.” I think I need to just stop thinking so much. I’ve pretty much decided that I’m not going to start seeing anyone before he leaves. I want to have any time possible to spend with him before he leaves. However, he’s also gone for the next two weeks, so I’m just going to live my life. This is going to happen during the next 5 months as well. I’m going to live my life. Whatever happens happens. I think I need to stop trying to plan every little thing out. I need to learn to just take it as it comes. All I’m planning now is if he texts or calls while he’s in Texas, then I’ll respond. Otherwise, I’m giving him the space and time he wants and needs with his family. When he gets back we’ll hang out. He’ll deploy and I’ll cry, cause it’s just sad. I’ll write him letters while he’s gone and send care packages. And then when he gets back, we’ll see what happens. As of right now I’m hoping something will work out when he gets back. And if it’s supposed to, it will. But, I’m not going to hold out for him, cause then if it doesn’t work out, I’ll just be hurting myself. And I’ll be building him up in my mind, which isn’t healthy either. I’m just going to live my life and see what happens. Things end up working themselves out. I just need to make sure that I’m not adding stress to his life before he leaves. Deploying is crazy enough. He doesn’t need me to add crazy. If I say I’m going to try to make his life better, then I need to make sure that’s what I’m doing. Easier said than done, I know. But, I need to make sure I put my selfishness aside and calm the crazy. It’s my patriotic duty.

Hyper Puppy

I think I’m going to create a new style of dating, and become a dating guru. Possibly start a cult. (Yes, I dream big) The title of my new dating philosophy is going to be: Hyper Puppy. Here’s the theory behind “Hyper Puppy.” You know how puppies are super adorable and you’re really stoked to play with them a lot at first? And they love all the attention and keep wanting more. Even if the puppy is tired, it will keep playing as long as you will. That cute little puppy is down for all of the belly rubs, and games of tug-of-war that you will give it. And then eventually you realize that you have other things to do, or that you need some time away from the puppy. It’s not that you don’t love the puppy. It’s just that there are some other things to do. And maybe the puppy still wants to play, but you have to ignore it just to make it realize that now is your time and not puppy time. And the puppy will feel sad and maybe go lick its paws in the corner or curl up in a little ball and sleep. And the puppy will probably make cute little puppy whimpering sounds in its sleep, which make you die a little inside from cuteness overload. But still, it is not puppy time. And the puppy needs to realize that it’s not the Alpha in this relationship, you are. But then when you’re ready for more puppy time, you barely have to whistle, and the puppy will come running to you with its tail wagging, already having forgot that it was sad in the first place, because it’s time for more tummy rubs and tug-of-war! YAY! Well, that’s my new theory on dating. Only, I’m not the “you” in the situation. I’m the puppy. I’m the one who wants all the attention I can get and then slightly pouts when it’s not my time. But then when it is my time, I’m stoked and come running (not literally, mind you. I’m not a very good runner.) Maybe this is a slight exaggeration, but it’s kind of true. The beginning of the relationship is like this. The guy gets to play Alpha male, cause we girls are supposed to sit back and wait for him to decide when to call, when to hang out, when to anything. We let him make the plans. We let him make the initiative. (Or are supposed to anyway) We are like the puppy who is just supposed to be excited when we get attention. And boy are we! Cause if he’s playing with me, then he’s not playing with any other puppies! And you know puppies love being the only puppy in a person’s life. I think after the beginning of the relationship, it transforms into an older dog type thing. Where the owner still wants to play and give belly rubs. But, now the puppy is a little older, a little more mature, and knows that it’s ok to keep napping, cause the owner will eventually want to play again some other time. And now a nap sounds way more delicious than a belly rub. Maybe the dog will wander over to the owner to see if it is belly rub time. Or maybe the dog will just sleep next to the owner, while the owner is busy reading the paper or eating breakfast. The dog doesn’t need the games to enjoy the company of the owner. It’s more of a companionship on both parts. That’s the part of the relationship I like the most. Where I don’t need to constantly hang out, cause I can do my own thing and know the guy will still be there. Or, I can do my own thing around him and not worry about having to make small talk. “Please don’t talk to me while Family Guy is on. Thanks.” It’s more about being around the person than being with the person. I think I’m pretty good at being Hyper Puppy though. Maybe too good. Cause, when the guy does decide to show me attention, I forget that I was annoyed that I wasn’t getting it previously. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean that he can ignore me for a week and I’ll still come running to him with open arms. I mean more like last night: the Marine and I were going to hang out. He was going to grab dinner with his buddy and said he’d call me after to come over. That was at 7. He finally called me at 8:45. Now, while I was annoyed at having to wait so long, I went all hyper puppy and was just stoked to hang out. I figured I had two options: play games and say no even though I was already dressed and ready, and then regret doing that since he’s leaving soon; or two, go hang out and have fun with him and realize that he only has a little time here left to fit in time with all of his friends, and he gives me a very large chunk of time as is. So, I was a good little Hyper Puppy and ended up having a really fun night with the Marine. I guess I just need to remember that he’s the Alpha (for now) and enjoy my little puppy naps and puppy time to myself and let him tell me when it’s time to play.

Sidenote: last night he did tell me that he's not seeing anyone else. That's always fun to hear. Of course, the lawyer in me (or is it the girl in me?) immediately started analyzing that statement. Well, is it cause he hasn't met anyone else and he's only seeing me by default? Is it because some other girl rejected him and I'm the only one around? Is it because he doesn't want to be seeing anyone else? I decided to calm my inner irrationality by thinking that he's telling me this so that I calm down and don't think he's out with other girls whenever he's not with me. I say that now when I'm in a calm and rational state of being. Get back to me tonight at 8pm if I haven't heard from him and see what kind of stories I'm cooking up in my brain.

hypocrisy

What a crazy weekend. Friday night I was home studying. Well, I was at home studying and trying not to be bummed that I hadn’t heard from the Marine. In my mind, he was out on a date with another girl. I mean, I have no right to be pissed if he were. But, it would bum me out if he were. Cut to Saturday night, and I’m a HUGE hypocrite. I invited him to a party at the Newlyweds place. It was their annual Christmas party. He had other plans to go to the LA Car Show with some buddies, so he probably couldn’t make it, he said. I wasn’t that bummed he couldn’t come. I mean, yeah, I wanted him to come obviously. But, how am I going to be mad that a guy who loves cars wants to go look at cars with his buddies who love cars. I mean, he could have invited me, but my commentary would be “Yep, that’s a car. Neat! It’s a very lovely color.” But, his buddies who are equally as mechanically inclined as he is could probably comment on things like engine parts and fuel injectors and model comparisons. Yeah, I think it was good that he went with his friends to that, and I went with mine to partake in some delicious holiday beverages. (Plus, in baking cookies with It Girl, we decided we needed champagne and got this bottle called Cold Duck- cause that’s just an awesome name- and a bottle that is the most ginormous bottle in the history of champagne bottles. We decided to take that one to the party to share. I think that there was enough to actually bathe in the champagne. It was a big bottle. That was a much better option for my afternoon activities.) Here’s where the hypocrisy comes in: ATC came to the party. I haven’t seen him in a couple months, so it was cool to see him. And he’s so personable that it’s ok to bring him to a party and know that he will talk to anyone and everyone. It was good to see him, but it was different. Maybe in a way it was necessary. I think I’d built him up so much in my mind that I needed to see him and see that it doesn’t work anymore. I mean, it was comfortable and easy to be around him. But, to be honest, my mind was on the Marine the entire time. I dig the Marine. Sunday I studied all day and then hung out with the Marine at night. He said that he needed to pack, and I told him that I had to study and didn’t need to be entertained. So, I went to his house and barely even talked to him, cause I wanted to prove just how little entertaining I need. Well, that and I really did need to study. His buddy who’s staying with him came home and eventually studying and packing ended, and they played guitar hero. Well, the Marine played guitar hero and the buddy and I were the peanut gallery offering our comments and sarcastic remarks. It was actually a lot of fun! But, I could sit around and listen to Metallica all day. (Yes, I did immediately recognize the irony- or is it more cliché?- that I was listening to Metallica with 2 Marines. Just seems so obvious.) And, being easily entertained by anything, I was mesmerized by the graphics and the notes that you have to get, and the flashing numbers and the “50 note streak” and everything. There’s a lot going on in that game! It was weird to realize that 2 hours went by! There was a song by Bob Seger and when he scrolled past it I mentioned my absolute love of Bob Seger, so he went and played that song for me, which was entirely adorable. (He also complained that it was the most boring song on the game, but he sang along, so I know he actually likes the song in general) But, I just thought that was super thoughtful and endearing. After he put his guitar skills to rest, we talked for a while. I asked him if it bothers him that I’m more aggressive and that I call him when I want to, instead of playing hard to get. He said it didn’t bother him, cause I wasn’t that bad with texting him too often. He asked what I tell my friends about him (and what I put in the blog- he’s really paranoid about the blog) and I told him that they know we’re hanging out and that I like him. He asked what I like about him, since we don’t know each other that well yet. It has only been a little over a week that we’ve really been hanging out. I told him that I know enough about him to know that I like spending time with him and want to get to know him better. I told him that I want to learn more about him, which is why I want to spend time with him before he deploys, and that I will probably not see anyone else until he leaves. And that when it’s time for him to leave, we can reassess and see what happens. I like that he’s the strong, silent kind of guy. I like that he’s an alpha male and take charge. I like that he’s silly at times, and very thoughtful when you wouldn’t think he would be necessary (see Bob Seger story above). And I like that he doesn’t mind that I’m aggressive. Oh, and I like that he argues with me on stupid things, cause I LOVE arguing about stupid things. But most importantly, I like that he doesn’t mind that I’m too aggressive. That’s a big one. I told him that I’m excited to send him care packages, and that I’m already thinking of what I’m going to put in them. Not that I want him gone. I’m just being proactive with planning. It’s going to be great. I think I’m going to put one really random thing in each package. Like “Oh, you mean you didn’t need a giant sized tub of Spam?” My bad. “You didn’t want a giant candle with the Virgin Mary on it from the 99 cent store?” Oops. Oh man, the possibilities of randomness are never ending! (Suggestions are welcome, of course)

Oh, and he wasn't with a girl on Friday night. He stayed home and played Xbox by himself, because he had a really stressful week at work with his boss who I guess he can't stand. In my defense, in all the days we hung out, he never mentioned being stressed by anything more than the early morning PT. So, how was I to know? Oops. I'm the jerk. And while I'm going to rationalize everything and defend myself by saying that he's not my boyfriend and that I don't owe him anything and we have no commitment, yeah, I'm still a jerk!

Rules: to break or not to break?

Rules. Are they meant to be followed or broken? In my real life, I think I'm fairly rule abiding. I try to follow the rules and lead a moral life. I don't cheat or steal. I don't make a U-turn where there is a sign posted saying I can't. I don't use illegal drugs. I don't punch people in the face for no reason (I believe that rule is called assault?) I find it easy to follow the rules. The rule is to have my paper turned in by 5pm? No problem. I'll have it there by 4:59. Easy. I don't even have to think about breaking the rules. Now, here's my problem. I've established my ability to know and follow the rules. Done. So, why can't I follow dating rules? It's like, I know the rule is I shouldn't text a guy, but then I do. Or I know the rule is I should play more hard to get when I like a guy, but I tell him how much I like him. Is it because the rules actually make no sense at all? Real life rules make sense. Don't steal because it's bad and will lead to chaos on society if everyone steals. Well, yeah. Obvious. Don't make a U-turn at that intersection cause it could lead to larger traffic problems. That's inconvenient, but sure, I get it. Don't tell a guy you like him and make him think he has to work for you, even though he doesn't and you like him. Yeah..I guess I'm missing how that makes any logical sense. It would seem if you like a guy and he likes you, that you it should just work. Right? I'm making a conscious effort to follow the rules with the Marine. I'm not texting him first. I'm not avoiding making plans in the hopes he asks me to hang out. But the rules just suck. If I want to hang out with him, why can't I just ask him "Hey, want to hang out tonight?" It seems so old-fashioned to sit by the phone with your fingers crossed. I mean, it's not like we don't progress technologically because that's what they did in the past. Well, it worked in the past that they used crank phones, so I'm going to go ahead and keep using my crank phone and not get an iphone. Doctors think that bleeding a person with leeches was good for curing diseases, so I'm going to avoid going to the doctor and get some new modern medicine and just slap on some leeches. Why is it ok then to say "Well, my grandmother said she would never ask a boy out, so I won't either?" But, as much as I want to argue with the logic, it seems to work. The less effort I make with the Marine, the more he wants to hang out. Maybe basing my theories on a guy with an obvious testosterone overload (as most Marines have to have..otherwise they wouldn't be Marines) isn't the best idea. It's a little too obvious. But, the thing that sucks about the rules is this. The Marine texted me yesterday at 6:59 to see if I wanted to hang out. Only, I didn't get it until this morning (well, it came through at like midnight, but I was fast asleep). All last night I was bummed he didn't call cause I wanted to hang out. I was so tempted to text him, but decided to play by the rules and not. Maybe if I had broken the rules, I could have hung out with him last night. In theory, my not responding maybe intrigued him a little. But, wouldn't hanging out be better than the intrigue? Plus, I erased all intrigue when I told him this morning "For future reference: if I don't respond to a text right away, I probably didn't get it, and you should feel free to call. I'm the queen of quick replies." I just want him to know it's ok to call me or to follow up if there are no responses from me. I guess I broke another rule by not feigning disinterest. But, I can't be expected to follow all the rules, right? But, now I'm back to staring at my phone, hoping it will ring. I'm also silently wishing that my grandma had been more of a liberal woman who taught me it's ok to break ALL of the rules and go after the man you want (a la Helen Gurley Brown- my sister's personal hero). Why did she have to be so darn traditional and teach me traditional values and morals? Dang!

Hangin' with the Marine

So apparently the trick to dating is to do nothing. For girls at least. If a girl likes a guy, she wants to talk to him all the time. See him all the time. Be with him all the time. Ok, maybe not girls in general, necessarily, but me specifically. I’m always thinking about the guy and want to make sure he’s always thinking about me. But, I guess texting him all the time, or finding him on facebook right away will only ensure that he thinks I’m crazy. Not necessarily the thinking I want him to be doing. I decided to lay low after hanging with the Marine on Friday. I don’t want to scare him away. I want him to want me, without me making him. Or trying to make him. Plus he was in Vegas for the weekend, so I didn’t want to interrupt boy time. So, no texts or calls from me. I just focused on doing what I needed to do. Cut to Sunday when I got a text from him. While he was in Vegas. Score! We exchanged a few texts. Then, cut to yesterday when he texts me to ask how studying and finals are going. He remembered I had finals and inquired! Awww! He was flying back from Vegas that evening. I offered a ride, but that meant he’d have to wait for a while for me to get done with my final. I told him I’d text him when I was done to see I he needed a ride. I finished my final a little early (I usually do cause I’m not long winded in finals- which I understand is ironic, since I’m long winded in blogs) and texted him. Well, actually, I finished early and saw a text from him asking how I was doing. I texted back that I just finished. He had taken a shuttle from the airport about 20 minutes earlier. I responded that that was unfortunate. He responded that I could still come over to hang out if I wanted. I responded that I needed to rain check that offer, cause I had to study for my final. He responded that I could study at his house while he packed (he has to move out of his place this month since he’s deploying). I agreed to this and went over there. This is what I want in a guy I’m dating: someone who wants to hang out with me, even though I’m nerdy and have to study. I just like being around him, even if we’re own doing our own thing. It’s not like I need to be entertained anyway! I showed up at his place with dinner (I was starving after my final, and he was hungry after his trip, so I stopped by Daphne’s Greek restaurant and got some grub for us) and was surprised to see his buddy there. He had been surprised to see his buddy there as well, as apparently he was supposed to be in the field until the 11th. He kept apologizing that his buddy was there. I didn’t care. I figured this was my chance to talk to the buddy, since last time I was so shy I barely said two words. I felt bad I didn’t get enough food for the buddy, but he said he’d already eaten. I studied as the buddy watched tv and the Marine packed. It was pretty fun all-in-all. The buddy then passed out on the chair and the Marine and I got to talk a lot. He started talking about his family; his parents and brother and stuff. It was really endearing and nice. I feel like we got a little closer and he opened up a little bit more. I like him because he’s the strong silent type, yet has a silly side. And we got to explore that a little more last night as we talked. I’m trying to downplay the whole deployment thing. I don’t want him to think it’s an issue for me, cause it’s not. I mean, that’s something that can be dealt with when it happens. I feel like thinking about it too much now will just put an awkward and sad cast on everything. And, how can you really see how things work out with someone when there’s that gloomy cloud always being talked about? I mean, I’m a date a one guy kind of girl. So what if he’s in Afghanistan for 5 months? It’s not like I can’t write him letters all the time, and he can’t occasionally send me an email or a letter. He told me yesterday he’s going to send me a big box of sand. Isn’t he just the sweetest? I dig his sense of humor. It’s almost as random as mine. Almost. Oh, and he didn’t mind that my hair was a mess and that I was wearing warm-up pants and a USC sweatshirt. I had 2 finals that day and hadn’t planned on going anywhere in public. Especially hadn’t planned on going to the house of my new beau. But, he said that was ok, and that that’s how he dressed all throughout college. He’s just adorable! Not to jump the gun or anything, but, I think our wedding is going to be amazing! Kidding. I'm kidding! I’m only envisioning the romantic and slightly silly proposal at this point. Don’t want to rush anything, you know?

ex-boyfriends, new boyfriends and baby showers

I’ve been really sick and super stressed with finals, so there wasn’t much going on in my life. Not much, until a couple days ago. My best friend is in town from England for her baby shower. I’m going to be an auntie! YAY!! So, It Girl and I went up on Thursday night to meet up with her and some other friends of mine from high school for this thing called Holiday Stroll in Redondo Beach. There were a couple streets blocked off and thousands upon thousands of screaming children were running around. Ok, maybe not thousands. But, there were a lot. And, the fact that kids could sing karaoke was not helping that number seem smaller. There was free wine for the adults. I didn’t partake in the wine, cause I knew I would fall asleep. Plus, I had to get It Girl and myself back to the OC. And it’d be mean to drink in front of my preggers bestie. “You can’t drink, but I CAN!! (glug glug glug)” That’s not so great or solidarity. Then again, she’s the one who got knocked up, not me. (Yes, she’s married. So, it’s not quite as trashy as that makes it sound. But I like to go for effect.) We ended up meeting up with the Brohamster (my ex formerly known as MDA). It was the first time I’d actually hung out with him since we ended things last January. Sure, we hung out at school every day last semester. But, hanging out at school is safe. Hanging out in public where alcohol is involved is a whole other story. While part of me was excited to see him, part of me was nervous as to how it would make me feel. I didn’t want to instantly spiral downwards. But, I think actually the opposite happened. When I saw him, I realized I had no feelings whatsoever for him. I could have been wasted and alone with him and had no feelings. There was nothing. No spark. And that was the most amazing feeling I’ve ever felt!! I was worried I’d always have feelings for him. Nope. Not the case. I think I just realized that we are not as compatible as I once thought. And, I realized that he really needs me as a friend, and I want to be there for him. I think I’ll always care deeply for him. But, it’s nice to know that those feelings I once had have been transformed into something much healthier!

Cut to yesterday. I’ve been bummed about the Marine blowing me off. But, I was over it. And, of course, we ended up talking! Apparently he’s deploying soon, so he was worried about starting something. I told him that I would be willing to even hang out just as friends before he deployed if he wanted. So he asked what I was doing. I told him I was studying and could possibly take a study break later at night. So he called me later and we ended up meeting up. I just like hanging out with him. He’s so mellow and easy to be around. And he’s super funny and smart. We talked a little more about the deployment. He’s leaving within 30 days. He said he had a girlfriend last time he was deployed who didn’t write him more than twice while he was gone and cheated on him. How do you prove to someone that you’re not like that? I told him that I would write him every day, even if it was “So, I’m at school waiting for class to start. Awesome.” I don’t know that those letters would be very exciting for him, but it’s the thought that counts, right? I also offered to transcribe episodes of Family Guy. “So then Stewie says…And then they cut to a scene of… And then giant fighting chicken and Peter…” Maybe that wouldn’t be so exciting either. But, I’d do it. I’m such a giver. But either way, I had a lot of fun with him. I’m hoping that he doesn’t over think things and still hangs out before he leaves. But, boys are dumb sometimes and over-analyze things. I guess we’ll see what happens. No matter what, it was fun seeing him, and a very welcome study break! I have 3 finals in 2 days, which is kind of stressful. But, after Tuesday, I’ll be good, cause then I only have 1 final a week later and 1 paper due at the end of finals. Totally doable!

And now I’m off to my best friend’s baby shower for a couple hours. I wonder if she’ll be mad if I bring an outline with me? No, it’s not that California Civil Procedure is more interesting than baby shower games (though, that is a close call as to which is better) but I just need to multi-task today. I can’t wait to give her all the presents I bought. They’re not going to find out the sex of the baby til it’s born. So I bought lots of gender neutral onesies. I also bought a TON of toys and books. As a former English major, I believe it’s never too early to start reading! One of the books is about the 50 states in the US. Hey, I’m going to make it my mission to make sure that kid is well informed about its American heritage, even though they live in England. I also got it a Dodger outfit, because we have to represent CA! And, Nascar socks, because when you think classic Americana, you think Nascar. Well, I do anyway. Um..oh..and I got “butt paste” for rashes. I think it’s for rashes. I really just got it because it’s called “butt paste” and I laughed a lot over that! HAHA Butt paste.