Pro Con List

Would I rather have a job or a boyfriend? I have a job. I do not have a boyfriend. Would I rather it was the other way around? Let’s make a pro/con list and see:

*My job will pay the bills. Point Job.

*The right boyfriend will pay the bills. Point BF.

*My job will wear me out so that I’m tired by the end of the day and sleep well at night. Point Job.

*A boyfriend will wear me out so that I’m tired by the end of the day and sleep well at night. Point BF.

*My job will stimulate me mentally. Point Job.

*The type of guys I normally go for stimulate me other ways. Point BF.

*My job lets me interact with criminals, which is exhilarating. Point Job.

*The guys I normally date are criminals. Point BF.

*My job allows me to dress up. Point Job.

*Some boyfriends like me to dress up. Point BF.

*My job provides me with free office supplies when my boss isn’t looking. Point Job.

*The guys I date don’t buy me anything. Flowers, chocolates, nothing. No points.

*My job took me nearly 30 years and lots and lots and lots of school for me to get. No points.

*I’ve been through lots of crappy boyfriends who have taught me a lot about myself. Point BF. (Yeah, that’s a point, because I think all the pain and heartache has made me stronger and who I am. And it was a lovely excuse to gorge on chocolate and ice cream.)

*My job gives me something to do most days. Point Job.

*A boyfriend would give me something to do most days. Two points BF.

*My parents are proud of me for my job. Point Job.

*My parents hate most guys I date. No points.

Ok, so it’s close, but looks like job wins. Ok, I might be trying to make myself feel better and have rigged the list. There’s nothing wrong with loving my job though. There’s especially nothing wrong with loving my job when I’m single and have nothing else to love. I don’t even have a puppy to love. And my one house plant isn’t especially cuddly. (I am quite proud that I’ve had it for 3 months and it’s still alive though! How’s that for a green thumb?!) Here’s my new realization though: my job makes me happy; it makes me who I am. I love being successful and can’t wait to really start working and prove myself. I can’t wait til I am in a courtroom pleading my client’s case to a jury of 12 peers. It’s going to be so exciting when I start earning the paychecks and start supporting myself completely. And, it’s the fact that I’m learning to love who I am independently that will allow me to find a man who really loves me. I know that I am smart and worthy of being loved by someone. I don’t need to beg people to cherish me. I don’t need to beg a man to complete me. I am complete on my own. I am fine on my own. I’m better than fine: I’m happy on my own. I love myself. And now I’m ready to let someone love me. It’s time that I stop doing anything that I can to get attention from a guy. I don’t need to drive to 29 Palms to get a guy to hang out with me. He needs to drive out here for me. I don’t need to call a guy to make sure he’s thinking about me. He needs to prove to me that he’s thinking about me, or else I’ll forget about him. I don’t need to buy someone a present because I was thinking about him and wanted to do something nice for him just to be cute and show him that I care. He needs to do that for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’d still do all that, and gladly so. But, I won’t do it in the beginning. I won’t do it until he shows me that he’s worth it. Why am I wasting my time doing nice things for guys who haven’t proven themselves worthy? I’m ready to provide happiness for myself and no longer feel like I need to find it elsewhere. I’m ready to show men that I don’t need them: they’re lucky to get any of my attention, and if they don’t treat me right and keep my interest, I’m ready to move on.