Time to calm the crazy

This weekend was full of Marine time. It was pretty awesome. Friday night I went over to his house. He was sick, so I picked up some Chinese food for us. He ate and then promptly passed out on the sofa while his buddy and I watched Tropic Thunder and 8 Crazy Nights (the Adam Sandler movie, pervs!) I always forget how much I love Tropic Thunder until I see it again. It’s so good! “What do YOU mean ‘you people’?” So funny! Poor guy needed to sleep though. I felt bad he wasn’t feeling so great. Then Saturday I went over to his place in the early afternoon. He was sleeping again when I showed up, cause he was still feeling under the weather. I had some work I needed to do for a journal at school, so I didn’t mind. He woke up and we went to get his hair cut. Let me tell you. If things don’t work out with the Marine, I will be hanging out at the barber’s shop. For sure. There were like 20 Marines getting their hair cut. And there was practically a revolving door with them coming and going. But, being the dutiful girl I am, I barely even looked at the other guys in there. Though, I know they were looking at me. First, I was the only woman (aside from the 60 year old woman with her hubby) who didn’t work there. Second, I was wearing a short skirt and boots. Yeah, I could have walked away with 13 numbers. Easy. But, I’m a good girl, and kept my blinders on. I did make a mental note of where this shop was. Just in case. So after he gets his hair cut, we decided to go get some food. Being ever indecisive, I played the “I don’t care” game. It’s not a game. I really don’t care. I hate making decisions, and will be fine with anything. He asks if I wanted to see Avatar. I really had no desire to see it, but I was down since he wanted to go. We went over to the Irvine Spectrum. He was starving, but the movie started right then, or like 3 hours later. We decided to go right then and eat after. I bought him Skittles and a soda to tide him over. The movie was so good! I didn’t really know anything about it. I would see it again for sure. He LOVED it. It was really cute to see how excited he was about it after. He and a buddy texted like excited school girls over how good the movie was. He is already planning on seeing it again within a couple days. We went to In N Out after and got some food. He was literally shaking from hunger. Poor guy. We went back to his place after and I helped him pack. He’s pretty stressed because he has to pack up his whole apartment to move. But, he’s also gone home for 2 weeks, and wanted to have most of it done. So, I took care of the kitchen, and he did the rest of the place. We made a really good dent in the place. He’s still pretty stressed. But, I’m thinking that has more to do with deploying in 3 weeks. This morning I took him to the airport. He’s gone for 2 whole weeks, which sucks. I mean, selfishly, it sucks. I’m glad he gets to go home and spend time with his family and friends before he deploys. But, of course I want more time with him myself. I’m especially bummed he’s not going to be here for New Years. I’ve never had a New Years kiss, and I was hoping to this year. Oh well. Maybe next year. One would think that taking him to the airport and hoping he’d have a good trip would be good and that I could let it go at that. But, what kind of blogger would I be if I didn’t have some drama arise? I texted him a few times after I dropped him off. When he got out, he gave me an awkward hug and told me to “take care”. What the crap does that mean? I guess I could have let it go as he’s stressed and sick and trying to catch a flight. But, how about “ok, I’ll call you soon” or something like that? Is that too much to ask for? Of course my overactive brain kicked in and my insecurities surfaced. So we texted a little back and forth and then I called him. We basically talked about the level of seriousness before he deploys. He just wants to have fun before he deploys and not have to get serious or think about things while he’s gone. That makes sense. I don’t know why I can’t just let it be casual and see what happens. He said that he’s not seeing anyone else and isn’t planning on it. Why can’t I just let it be that? I think I’m looking at it from too rational a point. “Well, if I’m not seeing anyone else, but then he makes out with a new chick, then I’m going to get hurt.” I think I need to just stop thinking so much. I’ve pretty much decided that I’m not going to start seeing anyone before he leaves. I want to have any time possible to spend with him before he leaves. However, he’s also gone for the next two weeks, so I’m just going to live my life. This is going to happen during the next 5 months as well. I’m going to live my life. Whatever happens happens. I think I need to stop trying to plan every little thing out. I need to learn to just take it as it comes. All I’m planning now is if he texts or calls while he’s in Texas, then I’ll respond. Otherwise, I’m giving him the space and time he wants and needs with his family. When he gets back we’ll hang out. He’ll deploy and I’ll cry, cause it’s just sad. I’ll write him letters while he’s gone and send care packages. And then when he gets back, we’ll see what happens. As of right now I’m hoping something will work out when he gets back. And if it’s supposed to, it will. But, I’m not going to hold out for him, cause then if it doesn’t work out, I’ll just be hurting myself. And I’ll be building him up in my mind, which isn’t healthy either. I’m just going to live my life and see what happens. Things end up working themselves out. I just need to make sure that I’m not adding stress to his life before he leaves. Deploying is crazy enough. He doesn’t need me to add crazy. If I say I’m going to try to make his life better, then I need to make sure that’s what I’m doing. Easier said than done, I know. But, I need to make sure I put my selfishness aside and calm the crazy. It’s my patriotic duty.