bookstore encounters

I was at the bookstore today. I’ve always said that I think it’d be awesome to meet a guy at a bookstore. I’d be standing there looking at my works of literature by my favorite Victorian authors. And this really hot, smart, sexy guy would start talking to me about Charles Dickens (In my original fantasies, it was Oscar Wilde that he’d talk about, but then I realized that a hot, smart, sexy guy who starts talking about Oscar Wilde probably wouldn’t like girls). Before I know it we’d be engaged in this conversation about all the great works of literature and time would slip away. The store would be closing, and we didn’t even realize we’d been talking for hours. That would be awesome. Today I was at the bookstore, standing in the aisle picking up various books and flipping through them. There was a guy who came into the aisle and stood next to me. He was looking at the books on the shelves. I could feel him looking at me too. You know how sometimes you can just feel someone looking at you? You just know they are without even having to turn your head. Yeah, it was like that. Only, it annoyed me more than it excited me. I don’t care if he was the hottest guy in the world. I don’t care if he was a hot fireman in his uniform. I was annoyed. Here’s why: I was in the self-help section. I’m standing there looking at books titled things like “Why he’s not calling you back”, “The Seven Dumbest Relationships Smart People Make”, or “The Single Girl’s Manifesta”. I wanted to pick up Mars and Venus, but the guy was blocking my access. First off, it’s awkward enough reading self-help books in public. It’s almost like a spotlight starts shining on you “my life isn’t perfect and I may need help getting it sorted out!” Awkward. Second, I’m looking at books about dating, which means I’m obviously not so good at it. Why would a guy want to talk to a girl looking at books like that, unless he figures it’d be easier to seal the deal. “Hey, she obviously has issues. This will be easy!” No dice buddy. Here’s the thing about the books: they didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know. “Oh, I’m NOT supposed to call him 6 times in an hour until he answers?? My bad!” It’s like, I know I shouldn’t text a guy when I do. I’m just stubborn and a natural rule breaker and do it anyway. I channel my inner angsty-teen who is rebelling against all the rules my mom made. I’ll show you! I’m going to text him even though I shouldn’t! There was actually one book I looked at which I thought was cool at first glance. But, then I realized the advice the book was giving was so wrong, and that’s why I liked it. According to this book, after the second date, you can call a guy whenever you want, cause your fate as a couple is sealed after two dates. Now, I know that can’t be right! I mean, I do that as is, and it’s not working. So….. I think the problem is that I’m hoping there’s some big reason I’m single and don’t have a boyfriend. But, there’s not. I’m actually pretty normal. Sure, sometimes I get crazy and needy. But, that’s my insecurity creeping out. If I control my crazy insecurity, then I think I’ll be golden. I think I’m single cause it just hasn’t been meant to be yet. I’ve had other things to work on (i.e. school, myself, etc.). It’s not like I have a tremendously hard time meeting people. It’s not like I’m awkwardly shy or run away crying when someone talks to me "Stranger Danger! Stranger Danger!!!". I’m just picky. And then when I like a guy, I treat it like a case at work (read: something I can argue or research my way into winning) Being persistent and focused makes me a great lawyer, but a horrible dater. Keeping in that vain of thought: it’s day two of kicking back and not texting or calling the Marine. I’ve thought about him a lot, but in a healthy manner (read: not non-stop). I hope he’s having a great vacation and time with his family. I’m sure he’ll eventually miss me and want to say hi. But, I’m going to let him realize that by himself and contact me. It’s not about games. It’s about being more independent and giving him space. And about having faith in the fact that he digs me, and we’ll talk soon enough. And if not, then it’ll happen with a different guy. Just not the creepy guy in self-help section of the bookstore. To that guy: if you had only waited until I made it to the literature, cooking, comedy or even calendar section, you may have had a shot.