hypocrisy

What a crazy weekend. Friday night I was home studying. Well, I was at home studying and trying not to be bummed that I hadn’t heard from the Marine. In my mind, he was out on a date with another girl. I mean, I have no right to be pissed if he were. But, it would bum me out if he were. Cut to Saturday night, and I’m a HUGE hypocrite. I invited him to a party at the Newlyweds place. It was their annual Christmas party. He had other plans to go to the LA Car Show with some buddies, so he probably couldn’t make it, he said. I wasn’t that bummed he couldn’t come. I mean, yeah, I wanted him to come obviously. But, how am I going to be mad that a guy who loves cars wants to go look at cars with his buddies who love cars. I mean, he could have invited me, but my commentary would be “Yep, that’s a car. Neat! It’s a very lovely color.” But, his buddies who are equally as mechanically inclined as he is could probably comment on things like engine parts and fuel injectors and model comparisons. Yeah, I think it was good that he went with his friends to that, and I went with mine to partake in some delicious holiday beverages. (Plus, in baking cookies with It Girl, we decided we needed champagne and got this bottle called Cold Duck- cause that’s just an awesome name- and a bottle that is the most ginormous bottle in the history of champagne bottles. We decided to take that one to the party to share. I think that there was enough to actually bathe in the champagne. It was a big bottle. That was a much better option for my afternoon activities.) Here’s where the hypocrisy comes in: ATC came to the party. I haven’t seen him in a couple months, so it was cool to see him. And he’s so personable that it’s ok to bring him to a party and know that he will talk to anyone and everyone. It was good to see him, but it was different. Maybe in a way it was necessary. I think I’d built him up so much in my mind that I needed to see him and see that it doesn’t work anymore. I mean, it was comfortable and easy to be around him. But, to be honest, my mind was on the Marine the entire time. I dig the Marine. Sunday I studied all day and then hung out with the Marine at night. He said that he needed to pack, and I told him that I had to study and didn’t need to be entertained. So, I went to his house and barely even talked to him, cause I wanted to prove just how little entertaining I need. Well, that and I really did need to study. His buddy who’s staying with him came home and eventually studying and packing ended, and they played guitar hero. Well, the Marine played guitar hero and the buddy and I were the peanut gallery offering our comments and sarcastic remarks. It was actually a lot of fun! But, I could sit around and listen to Metallica all day. (Yes, I did immediately recognize the irony- or is it more cliché?- that I was listening to Metallica with 2 Marines. Just seems so obvious.) And, being easily entertained by anything, I was mesmerized by the graphics and the notes that you have to get, and the flashing numbers and the “50 note streak” and everything. There’s a lot going on in that game! It was weird to realize that 2 hours went by! There was a song by Bob Seger and when he scrolled past it I mentioned my absolute love of Bob Seger, so he went and played that song for me, which was entirely adorable. (He also complained that it was the most boring song on the game, but he sang along, so I know he actually likes the song in general) But, I just thought that was super thoughtful and endearing. After he put his guitar skills to rest, we talked for a while. I asked him if it bothers him that I’m more aggressive and that I call him when I want to, instead of playing hard to get. He said it didn’t bother him, cause I wasn’t that bad with texting him too often. He asked what I tell my friends about him (and what I put in the blog- he’s really paranoid about the blog) and I told him that they know we’re hanging out and that I like him. He asked what I like about him, since we don’t know each other that well yet. It has only been a little over a week that we’ve really been hanging out. I told him that I know enough about him to know that I like spending time with him and want to get to know him better. I told him that I want to learn more about him, which is why I want to spend time with him before he deploys, and that I will probably not see anyone else until he leaves. And that when it’s time for him to leave, we can reassess and see what happens. I like that he’s the strong, silent kind of guy. I like that he’s an alpha male and take charge. I like that he’s silly at times, and very thoughtful when you wouldn’t think he would be necessary (see Bob Seger story above). And I like that he doesn’t mind that I’m aggressive. Oh, and I like that he argues with me on stupid things, cause I LOVE arguing about stupid things. But most importantly, I like that he doesn’t mind that I’m too aggressive. That’s a big one. I told him that I’m excited to send him care packages, and that I’m already thinking of what I’m going to put in them. Not that I want him gone. I’m just being proactive with planning. It’s going to be great. I think I’m going to put one really random thing in each package. Like “Oh, you mean you didn’t need a giant sized tub of Spam?” My bad. “You didn’t want a giant candle with the Virgin Mary on it from the 99 cent store?” Oops. Oh man, the possibilities of randomness are never ending! (Suggestions are welcome, of course)

Oh, and he wasn't with a girl on Friday night. He stayed home and played Xbox by himself, because he had a really stressful week at work with his boss who I guess he can't stand. In my defense, in all the days we hung out, he never mentioned being stressed by anything more than the early morning PT. So, how was I to know? Oops. I'm the jerk. And while I'm going to rationalize everything and defend myself by saying that he's not my boyfriend and that I don't owe him anything and we have no commitment, yeah, I'm still a jerk!