Sunday morning adventures

I’ve had the most random morning, and it’s not even 10am yet! Let’s start with my trip to CVS. Here I am, just trying to get some errands done early, thinking I’d be ahead of the curve. But, seems many other people had the same plan. There was one checker working and a line of about 8 people. I was the eighth person, cause such is my luck. The checker called another person to come help. “Christian to check please. Christian to check.” About two minutes later, a guy who I’m assuming could only be Christian comes sauntering up. The whole time he’s walking, he’s shooting the other checker the most evil, deathly stares I’ve ever seen. Yeah, Christian. I agree. She’s horrible for making you do your job! What a wench! And, of the course the irony of his name being “Christian” is only too obvious.

So Christian says “next in line” and of course the person behind the next person darts over. I’m waiting for a riot to erupt, cause Mr. Next-In-Line looked none too pleased. But, he calmly stood his ground. Besides, he already had his items on the check stand waiting to go. He was buying a really odd combination of things. He was buying a dozen eggs, a package of cough drops and a sugar free Rock Star. Of course the obvious question is: were they sugar free cough drops as well. But, sadly, that will remain one for the ages.

Then there was the sharpest dressed man. This man should be a fashion role model for the youth. He was probably 85 years old and wearing this amazing plaid suit with a bow tie. Yes, there was a bow tie. He was slightly stooped over from age. But, while you’re assuming he was purchasing a box of Depends you’d be wrong. Well, ok, he was purchasing four boxes of Kleenex. That’s kind of close to Depends. So maybe you’re only half wrong. But, what you didn’t see coming was that he also purchased two large bottles of Cutty Sark. You go grandpa! You’re gonna have THAT kind of a Sunday! I can dig it!

Next we’ll go to the Sports Fan. Mr. Sports Fan was wearing some type of football jersey. It was white with purple on it. I don’t know nearly enough about football to tell you what team that was. I only know it’s not USC, or even the Raiders or Chargers. Outside of those limited teams, it could be anyone. I’m guessing not the Browns, cause I’d put money on the fact that their jerseys are brown. Mr. Sports Fan was purchasing a 6-pack of Coors Light. If he’s showing up to a football party, I wonder if his friends are like “Oh good! The party can begin! The 6-pack of Coors Light is here!” Don’t get me wrong, I love Coors Light more than just about anything, but..I’m just saying. Oh, and he also purchased some of CVS’s finest sunglasses. He went through a few before picking out just the right pair. I hope they were polarized. I mean, if you’re spending 6.99, you want to make sure you’re getting your money’s worth!

There was a couple that I only saw leaving the store. They didn’t purchase anything. They looked very sleepy. The girl was still in her slippers. Leopard print of course. A girl who is going to wear slippers and pajamas to the store will probably only wear leopard print slippers. I would probably put money on this fact as well. The girl was on a mission. She was about 2 steps in front of the guy. I don’t know what they were looking for, but CVS did not have it. How extremely disappointing!

The final noteworthy CVS person was this chick who walked in. It was an extended walk of shame. She was still dressed up from the night before. Short black mini-dress which was skin tight. Black skyscraper high heels. Not exactly Sunday morning church clothes. Her hair was bed heady. As if she’d tried to run her fingers through it as a make-shift brush, but it wasn’t fooling anyone. The best part was that she was on her phone. I’m guessing it wasn’t her mother, but I guess you never know. “Oh my gosh. Last night was insane!” she giggled awkwardly. Whether it was an “I’m stoked and proud and own my sluttiness” giggle, or an “I hate you for letting me do too many Jaeger bombs and hook up with that nasty bro who will probably never call me again, and didn’t even buy me breakfast this morning” giggle, I don’t know. Nor am I judging. Merely, observing.

After leaving CVS to return to my house, and making mental notes of all the randomness from the morning, I pull into my parking garage. Sitting on the step of an apartment to the side, is a guy wearing a blue towel. That’s it. Well, granted, I don’t know that there wasn’t anything underneath. But, he definitely was sitting outside on the step, head in hands, looking like he was hurting, wearing only a towel. Nor shirt, no shoes, no service.

This much fun so early in the morning definitely means I can go to bed now, cause my day can’t get any more fun. Or, can it?