what. the. heck.

What is wrong with some people? I wonder sometimes if people think. Or, more importantly, if they do think, what their thought process is like. Here are a few recent examples (in order from “huh?” to “WTF?!?!”).

1) A guy online that messaged me a couple days ago had his screen name as “Hot Hung Guy” and his age. Like 31 or 33 or something. But seriously. Hot. Hung. Guy. Well, I am glad he’s a guy and that he clarified that. He probably thought he was being descriptively awesome. But, I think that if you have to call yourself “hot” and “hung”, then you’re probably not. Do you think Giselle the supermodel would name herself “Beautiful Skinny Girl”? Or, Johnny Depp would be “Ultimate Sexiness”? I think those things are just obvious when you see the person. I get that if you’re funny or really smart, you’d want to put those characteristics out there. But, if you’re truly hot and hung, wouldn’t that just speak for itself? Ok, maybe the fact that he’s hung wouldn’t be obvious in a picture online. But, maybe some things don’t need to be obvious online. Or, if you’re that determined to let chicks know you’re hung, put up a picture of you in a speedo. I feel like if the word “hung” is in your profile name, a speedo picture should be mandatory. But here’s a warning ladies, he’s probably overcompensating and is not actually hung. He definitely wasn’t hot.

2) A guy messaged me. He wasn’t my type. I decided to not respond. I don’t like to respond “Sorry, I’m not interested.” It’s just not necessary. I get the hint when someone doesn’t respond to me. Not everyone is going to respond to everyone. That’s the nice way of rejecting someone. So this random guy messages me. I don’t respond. He sent me an email about 6 days later. Subject line “Hi- 2nd email.” The body of the email read: “I emailed you and no received no response. I’m possibly interested. Email back.” Um, I’m not possibly interested. I’m not at all interested. Did he really think that I would respond to that?! Oh, well if you’re possibly interested. I’m sorry, but I can tell by pictures and what you wrote that I’m not even slightly maybe a little interested. Not even if I was super bored and had nothing else to do would I be interested. The funny thing is that I was talking to the Comic and he said he got a similar email. Why would someone think that’s going to work? One time I got a follow up email “You think you’re so good cause you’re hot and I’m fat?” Wow.

3) The other day I met a guy who seemed pretty cool. We exchanged some great emails back and forth. He seemed really fun and charming. He said he wanted to take me out to dinner and could he have my number. I gave him my number and he called. We had charming conversation for about 10 minutes. Then, he told me that he was touching himself and wanted to have phone sex. WHAT?!?! Where the heck did that come from? It’s not like I’d mentioned anything remotely sexy. How does one go from “what books do you like to read” and “how many siblings do you have” to “wanna talk dirty to me”? I briefly thought it’d be kind of funny to play it out. But, then I realized it was just disgusting and I told him that he and I were obviously looking for different things, and good luck. I then wondered if I should somehow sanitize my phone. Gross.