Black Friday

My high school sweetheart is getting married today. This was my first love. My puppy love. The love who treated me like I was a goddess, princess, and super model combined. He blindly loved and worshiped me. What did I do? I totally abused the situation and took it all for granted. I still have the ring he worked all summer to be able to buy for me. It’s this pretty yellow gold ring (I don’t like yellow gold, but that’s besides the point) with an amethyst and little diamonds. It’s very pretty. He actually got me matching earrings, but I lost them. Just like I lost him. Ok, I didn’t actually lose him. I kicked him to the curb. At 18 I thought that I knew more than I actually did, and I wanted to experience life and date bad boys. Man, have I ever! From the limited facebook stalking I was able to do, his new wife looks cute. They look cute together. He lives in Minneapolis now. I’m guessing he met her there. I don’t know much. Her facebook profile is private, which makes it hard to stalk. I’m actually really happy for him. I don’t think we were meant to be together. He was the perfect first boyfriend. The best first boyfriend. I broke him heart by breaking up with him a week before my prom cause I met a Marine I wanted to take to prom in his uniform. My love for Marines goes wayyyyy back. Then we got back together a month later on the date of his graduation. We went to different schools: I went to the all-girls school and he went to the all-boys school. I really am happy for him. I’m a little sad, but more sad for myself. Here he’s about to be married any minute now, and I’m sitting at home in my pjs studying for the horrible BAR exam and eating Goldfish for breakfast. I took a study break last night and went to Barnes and Noble last night to pick-up a couple self-help books. A few people I know have been talking about this book “The 5 languages of love” so, I thought I’d look into it. I like self-help books in general, and I’ve been hearing a lot of positive things about it. And, it makes sense. There are 5 languages of love: actions, gifts, words of affirmation, quality time and physical touch. And, you have your own language, which you relate in. But, if your partner speaks a different language, then you need to learn how to relate in that language. I think it sounds cheesy, but it makes sense. Just thinking out loud here, but TB needed words of affirmation, and that’s not my language, so that’s not how I related to him. But, he thought I didn’t get excited enough about things he wanted me to be excited enough, or that I wasn’t vocal enough overall. Cause that’s not my language. I haven’t taken the quiz yet, but I think that I’m probably quality time (cause I need A LOT of attention) or maybe touch. I love to hold hands and cuddle with my man. While I was there, I saw that the same author (he’s a doctor, don’t worry) wrote a book about controlling anger. I picked that up too, cause it’s probably not a bad idea for me to learn how to control my anger. I have crazy road rage and maybe overreact to certain things. I just thought maybe it’ll be a good read. I don’t know why I’m buying books right now. I don’t have time to read anything that is not BAR related. I barely have time to write in here. But, I’ll find the time. I probably need anger management the more stressed out I get before this test. 3 weeks from today and it’ll be all over. SCARY!!!!!! But, in the meantime, I’m going to study some and focus on the fact that my first love is about to declare his eternal and undying love for another girl in front of many witnesses. Wow.