blow off

I think FireCop is blowing me off. I got a text from him Friday, and one from him Monday. And that’s it. It’s like enough where he feels like “hey, at least I texted her!”, but not enough to show any level of interest. In my opinion anyway. The funny thing is, I don’t really care. I mean, we had a good time, but I don’t think we really had much in common. So, I’m not bummed if I don’t see him again. I don’t think it would really work out anyway. Last night I was talking to some friends in class about the situation, and they said I should text him today. But, I’m not going to. I think he can figure out how to text me if he’s interested. And, I didn’t like him enough to actually make an effort. I guess I’m pretty picky. I didn’t used to think I was. But, I’ve learned that I am. I don’t like guys easily. But when I do, I do. I guess I’m not one for gray area. Things are black or white in my book. That’s what gets me in trouble in school: all my professors tell me that I’m too conclusory. I’m trying to be more in the middle, but I don’t do well there. I can’t stop thinking about my Marine, even though he’s now been gone longer than I’ve known him. I’m trying to stop myself from reading into “signs” from the universe. Like, the other day I was driving behind a car with a Texas plate and a Metallica song came onto my ipod. Nothing makes me think of the Marine faster than Metallica. Takes me back to all of those Guitar Hero nights. It’s hard to not think of him when things like that happen. But, I just try to think that my reading into things doesn’t matter, and that if things are meant to happen with him, they will. And if they don’t work out, they’re not meant to be. I just hope he’s ok. I keep reading in the news about the new offensive, and it freaks me out. But, I know he’s capable and qualified, and I’m sure he’ll be ok.

Now for the story of ATC and why we’re no longer talking. ATC and I stopped talking just before my birthday in October. We had an ideological difference that he didn’t want to try to figure out. We started talking again in November-ish. (I think it was around Thanksgiving that we became friends again) Well, in mid- December he tells me that he found out that he got a girl pregnant, and that she was two months along. I’m not so good at math, but I was able to figure out that that means he impregnated her on or near my birthday. Immediately after we ended things, while I’m sitting around missing him and being sad, he’s impregnating other girls? She’s a girl who he randomly hooks up with a few times a year (according to him). Yes, I’m slightly naïve, I admit, but I asked if that meant he was going to marry her. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? I dunno. I’ve never been in that situation. He said that they weren’t even going to date, because he knew he didn’t love her and that he would ultimately be unfaithful. So they were going to raise it as friends. Well, he said he’d done some thinking, and that he was going to have to grow up and reprioritize. We were talking everyday and hanging out. And we were making plans to hang out. He was going to be my date to law prom. I figured it was as close to a real date as I’d want. He wasn’t interested in actually dating anyone, and I’m not either as I’m waiting for the Marine. (He would get jealous whenever I’d talk about the Marine.) But then I found out that his baby mama was living with him, and even staying in his bed! He swore nothing happened. But, I wasn’t ever invited to hang out with him when his friends were all together, or to his house, because of the baby mama. And he bought a new house and is moving, and she’s moving with him. It just got to be too much drama for me to handle. And, even though he swore that the baby mama and he weren’t dating, and that she knew he didn’t want to date her, I couldn’t handle thinking that I would stress out another girl. I’m not the type to fight for a guy. I wouldn’t want to do that to another girl. She’s carrying his child! She can have him. So, I told him that I think it’s best that he focus on his situation at home, and that I focus on not getting involved in unhealthy situations and that we no longer talk. That was a couple weeks ago, and I haven’t talked to him since. I miss him. I’m not going to lie about that. We talked everyday. I miss that. I miss how fun he was. But, I just can’t be involved in that. I’m trying to simplify my life, and that’s just unnecessary drama. He blew me off and knocked up some chick. He needs to deal with that himself. I’m not against dating a dude with kids in theory. But, while the woman is still pregnant seems a little too…icky. Man, do I know how to pick dudes, or what?!