want him back

So I’ve been talking to TB a lot lately. I know that’s not conducive to me moving on. But, I can’t help it. We talk all day every day. We email each other all day while we’re both at work. And then we text all night. On weekends we text all day. We’re not back together. I don’t know if this means we’ll ever get back together. It just means that I really, really like talking to him. A lot. It means I like having him in my life. It means that I’m hoping eventually he’ll realize that he needs to stop freaking out, and just get his ass back to California so we can be together. He’s getting out of the Marine Corps soon. I’m not exactly sure yet, as he doesn’t know. But, soon. The sucky part is that he has this “getting out of the Marines” class he has to take Oct 13-15. My 30th birthday is the 15th. His class is in North Carolina. My birthday will be in Cali. We can’t be together on my birthday. He said that he would have been there if he could. I don’t know if that’s true, but I’m not going to question it. I’ll just take it for what it is: a very sweet sentiment. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do after the Corps. He’s thinking maybe he’ll move to New York with his dad. He knows that I want him out here. I don’t want to pressure him too much though. I told him that I will support his decision no matter what it is. He needs to make decisions and figure things out. And, I need to wait patiently and hope he figures out what is so painfully obvious to me: that we belong together! And in the meantime, I’m going to talk to other guys. That’s a chance he is going to have to take. He knows I’m making a real effort to move on. I’ve not kept any of that secret. In fact, I’m being real open about it, because I want him to know. Well, maybe not completely honest. Like, I didn’t tell him that today I saw firemen in our parking lot go to the coffee shop across the street. Or, that I then ran to said coffee shop to try to see the firemen, but that I waited a bit too long and missed them. Or, that after I missed the firemen, I did run into a really hot cop. Or, that at the gym tonight, I spent about 45 minutes openly flirting with one of the boys who works at the gym. Unabashed, open flirting. TB doesn’t need to know the specifics. That’d just be mean. He just needs to know that there’s a chance he’ll lose me if he doesn’t act fast enough. The boy at the gym is real cute. He’s 29. I thought he was 24. Not to say that he’s real immature, but, he’s real immature. He’s a ton of fun though. He gets kind of silly around me. We threatened to punch each other like 23 times tonight. Yes. We are flirting like 7 year olds. He would pull my pigtails if I wore them. Actually, I think I may test that theory on Thursday and literally wear pigtails to see what happens. Five bucks say he pulls my pig tails before I leave. Gym Boy is totally not my type. He’s tall and real muscular, and really into working out. I don’t like big guys. I like skinnier, lean dudes. TB is lean. He’s real cut. But, he doesn’t look like he’s suffering from roid rage. He has the perfect body. TB is perfect in every way. Well, every way but the way that he’s not with me. I’m working on fixing that small imperfection. We’ll see who gives in quicker. I’m really, really hoping it’ll be him. I’m just picturing the awesome life that would be if he was out here. I dunno, it’d just be all around awesome. I’m just hoping he’ll see it soon enough. I know this roadblock is just in his head. He just needs to realize that. I think he could easily find himself in California, as he could in New York. And, he’d get tan while finding himself. And have me around. That’s like a win-win-win-win. Well, maybe just 3 wins. And in the meantime, maybe I’ll just continue with my flirty gym boy. Not like I’d actually date the gym boy anyway. I need to continue working out. And, with my track record, it wouldn’t last anyway. Better to just keep it flirty and fun and not actually act out on anything.