pet names

So, I’ve come to a very important stage in my blossoming relationship with TB: the pet name stage. I’ve never been big on pet names. I don’t think I’ve ever used a pet name with any previous boyfriend. But, it seems like I’m just feeling the need to use one with TB. It’s just something I have to do. But, how do you choose the perfect one? Is there a book of pet names, kind of how there’s a book of baby names? I think the pet name you choose determines how your relationship will be from that point on. For example, if you choose something like “schnookums”, your relationship is from that point on determined to be the kind of sappy relationship that makes other people not in it sick. Who wants to hang around a couple who says “Can you pass the butter, schnookums?” “Oh sure, my pookie wookie”?? I mean, I don’t. I would actually end a friendship if I ever witnessed that exchange. My stomach just isn’t strong enough. (Then again, it could be a great source of weight loss- I’d either be too sick to eat, or I’d promptly regurgitate any food I had previously consumed, but I couldn’t be accused of being bulimic. Maybe I will look into finding friends like this.) There’s the standard “babe”, but that just seems so cut and dry. Babe. Too many consonants for my particular liking. In my opinion, a pet name should be a little softer. Like a sweet whisper. I mean, otherwise, why not just use the person’s name. “Babe” is like a romantic poem in German. It just isn’t meant to be. There’s the inside joke which only the two of you get. Like, if I called him “Keeny”, cause he turned me on to my new favorite food, Quinoa, and so it’s only fitting that we make that our thing. But, that’s just going to require too much explanation if anyone else ever hears it. “I’m sorry, did you call him ‘Teeny’ just now? His nickname is ‘Teeny’? Why do you call him Teeny? That just sounds mean!” “No. ‘Keeny’ with a ‘K’ cause he got me hooked on Quinoa which is this amazing grain….” That’s just tiring. And, it requires a lot of thought. Plus, there’s the chance that while it means a lot to one partner, the other person may not even recall that event. And then that could lead to a huge argument. “I thought that MEANT something to you too!! It was the foundation of our entire relationship!!” That’s just awkward. “Darling” is way too formal. I’m not a 1920’s glamorous woman who smokes cigarettes in long holders and wears elbow length gloves with gowns and furs. Hmm, maybe I should be. Another option could be an embarrassing nickname, but TB is a trained killer, so I don’t think I’ll attempt that. I could use his last name, but that seems so masculine and unromantic. Not my thing. “Sweetie” just seems like something that Blanche, your local coffee shop waitress, would use while serving my pancakes. I don’t know if I want my man to associate me with a 63 year old waitress with orange hair and long red finger nails (isn’t that how you pictures Blanche?). We’ve been using “baby”, but that seems so unoriginal and cheesy. I limit its use to texts and emails; I have not yet been able to vocalize it. That just seems so cheesy. I really don’t know if I can say “Hey baby, how are you?” I instantly turn into a construction worker catcalling chicks if I say that. But, in writing it seems to work. “I hope you have a good day, baby.” He uses it to. I admit, I smile when I see it in a text. “I miss you, baby” or “I can’t wait til August, baby” in a random text totally makes me whole day! I guess that’ll work until we get something better. Or, I’ll just have to suck it up and start saying it out loud. I typed in his real name in a “pet name” generator which I found online and the outcome was: Lovey Hot Bon Bon. Um, I think I’ll stick with “baby” for now.

Here’s the link for the generator if you want to try it out:
http://www.links2love.com/nicknames.htm